There is a big difference between someone who chooses to be alone and someone who is alone by coercion , that is, who is socially rejected.
Contrary to what most people think, being lonely is neither a good thing nor a bad thing.
Solitaires are individuals who like to spend as much time alone (if not more) than with their friends (and yes, solitaires have friends).
They do not have a huge need for affiliation and acceptance within a group and approach the world differently from extroverts – focusing on their own ideas and being stimulated by loneliness, while social interactions exhaust them.
Loners usually have a small circle of close friends and have great demands on their friendships and those they trust.
They enjoy spending time with friends, but do not depend on them and are not as attached to them as the rest of the world, even if they are very loyal.
The introverts are generally more intellectual than others, spending their time to enjoy and explore all that interests them during their free time .
What is called a “lone wolf”?
Loneliness chosen or suffered? There is a fundamental difference between the loneliness suffered and the loneliness chosen.
The first comes from a change of life, general ill-being or some sort of breakup…
While the second is the fruit of character, that of the lone wolf as it is commonly called.
A person who loves and chooses to be alone is easy to recognize.
She simply prefers to spend more time alone than with her friends , but that does not mean that she is isolated from the rest of the world.
His need for acceptance is not high and social life is not his strong point.
Having said that, he is (generally) not someone unhappy, because these kind of people appreciate living alone , and this solitude can even stimulate them.
The lone wolf has a small circle of friends. The first characteristic of this type of personality is its entourage.
A person who is called a lone wolf has a small circle of true friends .
The demands are high on those to whom she trusts.
That said, even if the time spent with these friends is appreciated, the real loners do not need them to live their lives.
Their reason for living and their passions do not depend on others. In friendship, the lone wolf gives himself entirely.
Even if it is difficult to obtain its confidence, once acquired, it is lasting.
6 personality traits characteristic of true loners
1. Self- awareness
Loners spend a lot of time alone and pay close attention to what they are feeling and thinking.
They have a great self- awareness , which is usually quite difficult to achieve in our world today.
Solitaires have a strong spirit and an even stronger personality .
When they feel depressed or going through a rough patch, unlike some people , they know that bad times are short-lived and try to get better.
2. Valuing time
The lonely people value the time and love to be on time .
Thus, introverts are never late or very rarely, because they know how disrespectful it is to waste someone else’s time.
They hate it when someone does it to them.
They also like to have a well-defined schedule in order to use and fill their time in the best way possible.
3. Firm limits
Solitaires have very strong values and know exactly what they want and how to get it.
They like to have good structure and firm boundaries in life because it gives them a sense of security and they feel more comfortable.
They respect the privacy of others and expect others to do the same for them.
They are not very spontaneous people, because they prefer to have something planned.
But at least you can be sure that you can always count on them if you need to, and that they will always keep their promises.
4. An open mind
Loners do their own things and they let others do the same. They do not judge and in no case have a closed mind.
Generally, they are open to new ideas and new thoughts .
Sure, they always need their time alone , but if you’re coming up with an exciting plan, chances are they’ll be up for it.
5. Common sense
Solitary people are rational and logical people who live with both feet on the ground.
When they have a decision to make, they try to calculate it rationally, not emotionally.
And when they have something in mind, they are very focused and have a strong will, and nothing can stop them.
Even though they are very rational people, they can still be distracted by stressful moments.
For them, the most comfortable solution will be to spend time alone in order to recharge their batteries.
As already mentioned above, solitaires do not have many friends, but they place great importance on those they have.
Solitaires are among the most loyal people in the world .
They care for and protect the people who matter to them.
They will always be there for you and you will always have their support.
Of course, knowing that you should treat them the same way. Otherwise, this friendship will not last long.
In addition to these 6 common personality traits , true loners do not like to waste their time with hypocrites and drama queens .
They prefer to move away from this kind of behavior.
Having said that, they take treason very seriously. They can forgive, but they will never forget.
The lonely people are accustomed to defend themselves and were honestly need anyone else in their lives.
For them, the most important thing in the world is to get along well with yourself .
10 Things Only Lonely People Will Understand
- A weekend without any responsibility, without anything planned, without any obligation or having to go somewhere, is for you one of the best weekends possible.
- Sometimes when your friends want to organize something with you, the only main reason why you refuse is that you just need to be lonely that day. Your plans for that day is not to have plans…
- You are more interested in a good record, a book, or your television series than a bar, a nightclub, or a chick.
- Your ideal vacation destination is a forest chalet lost in the middle of nowhere.
- When someone does not understand the fact of wanting to eat alone in a restaurant, you look at him strangely, because you appreciate so much that there is no one there to talk to you when you eat.
- What you flee most from a potential partner is that he / she is sticky. You need as much space as air to breathe. For you it is simply essential.
- Even if you are attached to your partner, you always manage to reserve time alone , not to lose the ball (and also so that your relationship remains solid and fulfilled).
- The only person you would consider marrying would be someone who, like you, used to spending time alone .
- When you ask someone who knows you well to describe you, the first word they find is “independent”.
- Everyone around you hates being single; you, on the contrary, you love to be.
How do you become a real loner?
1. Consider your friendships
Find out who your real friends are .
Most people are very open and trust a lot of people : what most people don’t realize is that everyone you talk to expects something from you.
Ask yourself questions about your friends: do you know who these people really are? What do they want by being ‘your friend’?
Some people really want your friendship, while others want something from you.
If you really consider your friendships, you may be surprised to see who your true friends are .
2. Stop being friends with everyone
Put an end to your “friendships” and have greater demands: it is normal to wait and wish that people prove to you that they attach real importance to your friendship and really want to be your friend.
Trust is won, it is not given.
We also call a lonely person a ‘lone wolf’, which is understandable: he likes being alone, but also has his ‘pack’ that he trusts.
Just spend time with your closest friends and really get to know them.
3. Know how to say no
You are lonely, you need moments of solitude.
You should be able not to spend time with your friends, refuse to go to a party or go to the movies twice a week.
Going out once in a while is good for you, but you don’t need to spend all your time with people to have a good time: enjoy being alone – that’s what real loners do .
4. Let yourself go
Stop caring about others’ opinions and what they say about you, why would you care?
They are not you and everyone is different.
The introverts feel truly free when they do not let others reach them and when they do what they want.
5. Find interesting things to do
Loners have a lot more time than the others, they like to do things alone .
They like to have the hobby as: reading, video games , writing, art, music, movies, travel, foreign languages …
These are just a few examples of the things you can do and enjoy for yourself.
Generally, loners are more intellectual than others because they can really focus on themselves and spend time experimenting and learning new things.
6. It’s not a curse
Being alone can be a benefit and it can allow you to recover and take a step back from the world.
The lonely take more pleasure in being alone than the others , that stimulates them and really pushes them to work.
Loners prefer to do it this way, they are just different from the rest.
7. Be sure it doesn’t disturb you mentally
Some are just not made to be alone.
If you find yourself alone or constantly upset, consider returning to a more sociable lifestyle.
Have you recognized yourself and think you are a loner? Find out how your brain works
A study indicates that people who prefer to be alone see things differently and have different decision-making and analytical powers than others.
On the other hand, solitaires have less activity in the brain area related to the reward system.
We don’t really know what happens to them first: isolation or changes in this activity.
A solitary can be by personal decision or because of others.
That is, someone can feel better if they spend the majority of their time alone or vice versa: they would like to spend time with other people but find no one.
Whatever the reason, the brains of lonely people shape themselves in a certain way.
Rewards and the lonely brain
According to the Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience report, the region of the brain called “striated body” is less active in lonely people .
This area is linked to certain daily rewards, such as money and food.
To reach this conclusion, a group of 23 academics asked these people a series of questions to find out how much they felt socially isolated, and how much they were enjoying and wanting social contact.
Then, they scanned their brains when they looked at photos of happy people.
Thus, they found that in people who did not have an intense social life , the area of the reward illuminated less, which is a sign of less activity.
As the test was very small and limited regarding the variability of these parameters such as age, work or sex, the authors insisted on the caution in using the results of this study.
Scientists in charge of the experiment have established the following hypothesis: in a lonely person, who does not depend on society, does not feel great enthusiasm when he is reminded of the rewards linked to social relations.
Loneliness, introversion and perception
There have been no other studies yet and it is still complicated to define the cerebral characteristics of people who prefer solitude.
But, even if the literature in this field is not very extensive, the results are quite surprising.
For example, it has been shown that there is a close relationship between introversion, creativity and originality.
In addition, loners would feel more satisfaction when they get results from their “mental efforts”.
According to Maryland National Institute of Health psychologist Amanda Guyer, socially withdrawn people are more sensitive to sensory and emotional interactions.
This would mean that what happens in interaction contexts affects them more.
Their brains are more active in situations of social contact
One of the situations that loners fear is being in the middle of a meeting, party or event that requires being close to other people.
At these times, certain areas of the brain notoriously increase the blood flow, which generates a kind of overexcitement.
This could be one of the reasons why shy people don’t like socializing so much.
But it’s not all bad news.
Studies suggest that the brain of an introverted person has the ability to adapt to various experiences thanks to their heightened sensitivity.
Thanks to this, for example, it can respond more quickly in times when there is a strong social demand, such as in emergency cases in particular.
Finally, it must be said that shy people are good at perceiving subtleties or details that others ignore.
That is why they are often good writers, painters or witnesses because their brains are available for that.
In fact, genius, in addition to madness, is often associated with loneliness.