Love has always been a source of inspiration for artists around the world, whether through poetry, literature, music, cinema or painting: love is everywhere!
Even scientists are working to explore how love works.
That said, there are several kinds of love, self-love , the love you have for your children, parents, friends, partner …
So when can we talk about unconditional love ?
Is it really a form of enriching or destructive love in romantic relationships ?
What are the main points of unconditional love ?
What that unconditional love ?
Love has always made the world go round, since the dawn of time; if conjugal love is for much in the prosperity of humanity, filial or fraternal love has urged men to protect themselves from adversity and to live in peace.
It is the same for friendship which is a form of love weaving social ties.
Without forgetting agape love, divine love towards men, rather of a spiritual nature, but which is also the purest form of love , an “infinite” love .
From all these forms of love, there emerge two types of love: conditional (or interested) love and unconditional love .
While the love concerned connotes that the love experienced is based on a notion of exchange, unconditional love makes people love without conditions: we can’t explain why we love them, we don’t stop not only on its qualities, but we also come to appreciate its faults, even the worst. It is an infinite love, without measure.
While conditional love allows us to perceive all the qualities of our partner, unconditional love makes us love not only its qualities, but also its faults.
Certainly we like the qualities of this person, such as his kindness, his beautiful eyes, his intelligence, his smile, etc.
But when you love unconditionally, you learn to love your imperfections too: your mood swings, your little beads, your gray hair, etc.
This form of pure love which expects nothing in return, seeks neither to control nor to change the other.
In unconditional love , it is sometimes possible to expect nothing in return, to love and to give without receiving anything, but at some point, all this love can become the reason for great suffering.
The unconditional love is considered the purest love there is, and that is flourishing in the love that a parent carries his child.
The unconditional love in couple relationships
According to some psychologists, unconditional love reflects a lack of love and self-esteem , but also an illusion that someone else is able to meet all of our needs.
However, nobody can meet all the needs of the other and unconditional love is not supposed to ask for anything in return.
Love for the other is supposed to stop where disrespect for oneself begins , and an unlimited love can be really destructive , because by accepting everything that comes from the other, it may be that we come to accept the unacceptable such as lying, betrayal, deception, violence …
An unconditional love is supposed to have no limits, but there is no limit, the relationship with the other can quickly become unhealthy.
A balanced couple must love the same type of love , equally, if one of the two partners loves more intensely than the other, that is to say unconditionally , there will surely be at some point the appearance of suffering, in one as in the other.
Indeed, the claimant will suffer from not being loved enough, and the recipient will suffer from being the only source of satisfaction for his partner.
Dependence on others, the inability to devote themselves to their personal development makes the lover almost incapable of becoming an accomplished, independent and fulfilled person in private life .
This is why relationships of this kind, which are not quite balanced, can become destructive.
When the unconditional love becomes a real suffering for the one who feels it, but also for the one who is the object of it, then a therapy can be envisaged.
It will then be necessary to review your own needs, redefine your limits and relearn how to love yourself before anything else.
The unconditional love is something infantile, to the lover dependence with regard to the other like a child’s inability to fend for himself, and it must give way to personal fulfillment.
The person in the grip of unconditional love must learn to grow, to have normal contacts with the other and also to exchange on his needs.
Communication with the loved one is essential in order to be able to free oneself from a love that is too pervasive, it is a matter of entrusting one’s needs to him, and explaining to him that it is not for him to fulfill them.
That said, there are some people who live their unconditional love very well in private life , without it hurting anyone , so if you love unconditionally and it has no control over your well- to be , and that’s the only way for you to love, I’m not going to tell you to do the opposite.
The 4 main points of unconditional love
The unconditional love is defined as a condition without conditions or limits, involving altruism.
This type of love , rarer in the case of romantic relationships, is more frequent in the case of filial, brotherly love and long-term friendships.
This is how we recognize true unconditional love .
1. We experience a feeling of love every day
For most people, the feeling of love is conditioned by the actions of the person.
It is give and take in the sense that we expect something in return, in exchange for the love we give, so that it can quickly disappear, if this reciprocity is no longer felt.
For those who live unconditional love , there is no question of expecting something in return.
These bright people know that the act of loving is a way of being and not a way of having .
They can love whatever happens, whatever their loved one’s faults, even if they are selfish.
The love they feel does not depend on the person’s actions towards them.
2. We love without conditions
To be able to feel unconditional love for another person, one must first be capable of altruism and selflessness.
You have to be up to it to be able to understand that each human being is on the same path.
It must be remembered that there is in each of us the same spark of love.
People who know how to love unconditionally recognize this spark and sees in the other person a brother or sister at heart.
The stage of loving with feelings is well past, because we are now talking about mastering unconditional love , which is not a feeling but a state of mind.
3. We help each other to flourish
In unconditional love , the happiness of the other is essential.
We are ready to do anything to help him cope with the difficulties of life with all the injuries and pains that come with it.
The person able to love unconditionally is then an example for all of us, having made each experience – good or bad – of his life, an act of resilience, he is able to understand the meaning of his existence and to love with a big A.
4. We forgive easily
The number of divorces, family breakdowns and friendships keeps increasing, and this is because most of us are unable to forgive and forgive ourselves .
Indeed, the capacity to forgive is specific to unconditional love .
Remember that in this type of pure love , we accept the qualities as well as the faults of the person we love.
And instead of dwelling on his mistakes, we help him to move forward, to allow him to flourish and take responsibility.
Like a mother with her children, the person with unconditional love does not prevent you from falling – because she knows that it is part of your experience – but helps you get up and encourages you to start again.
How to develop unconditional love ?
Not to be confused with the love that fusion can quickly become stifling, the unconditional love when understood and shared, is both energizing and liberating .
Not only does it help to have a better understanding of the other, of those around us, but it also allows us to grow .
Indeed, those who feel this type of love can easily forgive, do not dwell on everything that can harm the relationship with the other.
They accept the faults of their brothers and sisters on the way and let go, so that they can fully appreciate the present moment , and know true Joy.
Know then that it is possible to develop unconditional love , in order to live a harmonious relationship with yourself , and then with the other.
Indeed, unconditional love begins first by loving yourself unconditionally.
Understand and experience that each person and each living being on this earth (animal and vegetable world included) is a part of “self-love”.
When you acquire this height and this awareness, then you no longer see life at all from the same point of view .
From the moment we become Who we really are, ego games and fears no longer exist.
It is then that we see in the eyes of the other the reflection of our own eyes. The unconditional love exists in all of us:
“ Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deepest being.
It is not an active emotion but a way of being. It is not an “I love you” for such or such reason, it is not a “I love you if you love me”. It is love without reason, it is love without object ”. -Ram Dass-
In this sentence, spiritual master Ram Dass gives a fairly complete definition of what unconditional love is .
It reminds us that it is a type of love that is completely foreign to what the other person gives us.
We can also understand that it is a feeling that goes far beyond romantic relationships .
You can feel unconditional love for your parents or your best friend.
It exists in us, and it does not necessarily require that the other person experience the same feeling.
Throughout your existence, you may meet people who are always there for their loved ones.
In the same way that there are negative people, there are others who advance in life by diffusing a halo of love around them.
For them, no matter who you are, they will always treat you with tenderness. They will put you at ease and integrate you.
The final word
You can be more than just a partner for those you love when you offer unconditional love .
It would be a way of taking advantage of the best things and keeping in mind the present moment .
If you have difficulty with this, consider practicing meditation.
This will help you slow down and become aware of your relationship needs. It can also be helpful to learn to nurture that same unconditional love for you.
Lao Tzu once said: “He who accepts himself, the whole world will accept him” .
The more we can love each other unconditionally, the more we are equipped to love others in the same way.