I refuse to apologize for finally putting myself in the first place

Do you know what’s funnier about the fact that we’re both done? You had the nerve to say that you were broken, and that you ended up being injured.

You had the nerve to say that I left you like a dog and that I moved on without ever looking back.

I wish it were like this, I wish it was like you told everyone. I wish it were me the bad guy, but it is not so.

Because for months, you drained me, for months, you took parts of me as you see fit. I was ready to give you everything I had, because I believed that at least you would love me in return.

And now you’re the one who’s hurt. And bein guess what? I refuse to apologize for finally putting myself in the first place.

I refuse to apologize for having finally seen my worth. To have finally seen that I am so much more than just your girlfriend, that I am so much more than the one who should run after you and make you happy.

And I deserve much more than all this pain you have inflicted on me. I deserve a gaga love that warms the whole body, that turns the stomach upside down and makes it fly.

I deserve this gaga love that never lets you remove the silly smile from your face. I deserve love, and you gave me nothing.

I refuse to apologize for getting up on my feet. For finally fighting against you, for finally giving up hope that you would change, because it took me too long to realize that you would never do it.

I refuse to apologize for having found strength in myself, when I thought there was none left. For finding traces of the old me somewhere deep inside me, when I felt like you had drowned it for a long time.

To have finally let go of your toxic love, which I should have done a long time ago.

I refuse to apologize for falling in love with me. Since you refused to do it, someone had to do it. Since you did not know how to see the beauty of my mind and my heart, I did it.

Since you didn’t see how great I was, I had to do it. And now you’re the one who’s hurt. You had me too long, but you only saw how I could be useful to you.

You only saw how I could serve you to boost your ego and make fun of me once again. Not once did you wonder if I would have liked to be kissed as if there was no tomorrow.

Not once did you wonder if I would have liked to feel beautiful by your side. Not once did you wonder if I was maybe, just maybe, the one who was injured.

I refuse to apologize for having chosen myself instead of you. For the first time in so long, for the first time since we met, for the first time since I told you I loved you, I choose myself.

For the first time, I choose my needs, my sanity and my heart rather than yours. And for the first time, I feel good.

I feel like I can do anything; I feel like I could write an entire book in a week.

I want to jump from a plane. I feel alive, something I haven’t felt in so long.

I refuse to apologize for making myself a priority. I refuse to apologize for doing something I should have done long ago. For being away from you, for saving what was left of me.

I refuse to apologize for reconstructing myself. The only person I should apologize to is myself for not having done all of this earlier.

Because I’m really, really sorry that I stayed with you for so long, hoping that you would change. Sorry to have given you everything, and to have received nothing in return.

Sorry to have loved you more than I loved myself, only so that afterwards you could reject this love. To have made you my priority, whereas you had made me your last choice.

So I refuse to apologize for finally putting myself in the first place, because no one else will do it for me.

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