I think fixing on boys who are not good for us is a curse, but still we do it anyway.
The question being: why don’t we leave when we realize someone’s toxicity?
Why are we unable to just pack our bags and leave?
It would save so much of our time and save us a lot of sleepless nights or evenings to cry before falling asleep.
When we first meet a poisonous person, about whom everyone has warned us, we are blinded by their attention to us and we think we are special because out of all the others, he has chosen us.
It is such a privilege, there must be something extraordinary about us!
The only thing that is extraordinary is our naivety to come to believe that we are special when in fact, we are only prey in the eyes of the worst human predators of all time.
And although they are closed, we stay and wait for them to open because we think we are the ones who will manage to change them.
But once again, such naivety can only lead us to be shattered even though at the beginning we hoped to become heroines.
Girls who fall in love with bad boys become addicted to the ups and downs of the relationship.
We are intoxicated by the feelings aroused in us by a toxic relationship and that may be the answer to the question: “why don’t we leave?”
With our tendency to go out with bad boys, we don’t give up easily. We stay and fight harder rather than give up.
In doing so, toxic people take the opportunity to increase our addiction through their mistreatment. It seems that the more we suffer, the more sticky we become.
At first, the narcissists bombard their victims of love.
Don’t get me wrong – they all do. We fall for their number “you-are-my-soul-sister”.
At first they all make a good impression and we often believe (more than we should) in the stories they sell to us about them.
At first, they pretend to be well-intentioned and make us feel special. But none of this lasts long.
With narcissists, there is no discussion around their previous relationships and if there are, we quickly notice that their love stories are brief, overlap and are toxic.
Warning signs light up in all directions but you still have to be careful. People end up no longer seeing them and it’s easy to spot their superficial and disingenuous feelings, but in most cases, you don’t do it until it’s too late.
Narcissistic people make their victims feel like they are worthless.
No one who agrees with himself would stay with a narcissist. This is something that narcissists are fully aware of, and it is for this reason that they are quick to ensure that their victims feel of little value.
They need little time to belittle others and point out each of our shortcomings, while they see themselves as perfect. It is their way of feeling superior – they need to make everyone else feel worthless.
This is how they feed their ego since they see themselves as the ultimate divine creations. They do not accept criticism and this may be one of the reasons why they undermine the morale of others.
They need to surround themselves with broken people, unable to think for themselves and keep quiet – this is the main reason why they demean people.
And once we get used to hearing ourselves say that we are not good enough, that they are superior to us and that we are lucky that men like them want to be with us, we start to believe in them.
We become dependent on the idea that someone better than us wants to be and stay with us. We stay, even when we know we should flee for our lives.
All narcissists make their victims afraid.
If we were not afraid of anything, how could a narcissist tighten his grip on us? It couldn’t, which is why they need to create this fear in order to take control over us.
We are afraid of losing them. We are afraid of never finding better than them. The truth is that they sell extremely well to others, boasting and showcasing their successes constantly, constantly exaggerating.
The worst part is that they believe their lies. They have reached this level of professionalism in lying, to the point of convincing themselves of their own lies.
We tend to have a better image of them than they really are and over time, we develop the idea that they are the best.
It is for this reason that we are afraid of losing them or letting them go. And that is why, we accept incessant mistreatment.
A relationship with a narcissist survives thanks to the hope that ‘better days’ will come but with little evidence to convince us that it will happen one day. – Ramani Durvasula.
Someone has to tell you – dating a narcissist won’t give you superpowers. You can’t tame the beast.
The “better days” will never come, and therefore it is better to end this type of relationship.
The narcissist devours others, consumes their power, melts in the void and shapes new shells. – Sam Vaknin.
The bottom line is that we have to face reality and people in their truth. If they are bad and show obvious signs of their narcissism, we must stop being naive and believe that we will be able to change them.
Because for starters, narcissists don’t want to change. Why would they want it, when they themselves do not see themselves as toxic?
No one in this world is able to convince them that something is wrong with them.
In the event that we nevertheless want to be heroines, it is ourselves that we should save by going to the very minute we meet someone showing signs of a narcissistic personality. Because it’s the only thing to do.