If you live with a narcissistic pervert, your life is complicated. You have tried many times to break this narcissistic relationship and you know that it is terribly difficult.
Just when you think you are finally ready and determined to go, or just know that you have to run away, the narcissist messes up your emotions.
He uses guilt, intimidation, blackmail tactics, or looks you in the eye and tells you exactly the words you wanted to hear. You thought you had gotten to the point where “enough is enough!”.
However, before you know it, the narcissist has figured out a way to press your buttons and reconnect.
This person will always find something to make you addicted.
She knows your weaknesses intimately. After all, you are the prey, you are a source of narcissistic supply.
This individual likes to know that you are caught in his web and that you will get hooked on the idea of facing other abuses, and he knows exactly how to make sure of it.
What is a narcissistic pervert?
A narcissistic pervert is a manipulative person who constantly works on his manipulation techniques.
It is still in predatory mode. He has a very rational and strategic intelligence and has buried his emotional intelligence in him.
This disguised prince charming calculates very pragmatically the steps he takes to seduce and exploit his prey.
He exploits and destroys the people he meets and whom he deems appropriate to approach in order to make up for his discomfort.
The perverse narcissistic manipulator is a person, according to psychologists, dissociated.
His behavior is due to traumatic dissociation. This person actually experienced trauma, he had a difficult childhood.
This trauma led him, to continue to survive there, to dissociate from his body.
It is therefore someone who works in the total denial of his body, his feelings, his emotions, his basic needs, and who also denies his mind, his creative thought, this thought which involves psychic conflicts and questioned.
The narcissistic pervert works mechanically without empathy towards others and never questions himself.
What are the intentions of the narcissist?
The truth is that you are dealing with the greatest cocktail of physiological and emotional dependence that you can imagine.
You are hooked on a master manipulator who knows every move to keep you stuck, emotionally at least, if not physically.
Even if this person with narcissistic personality has decided to push you out of his life, the last thing he wants is for you to go ahead and have a good life without him. It is the ultimate insult to the narcissist.
The human being follower of narcissistic perversion wants to believe that you are languishing, that you are dependent and that you are a total wreck.
Unfortunately, this is the case for most people who separate from narcissists.
So that the narcissist can live a mirage of grand self-esteem, he will attack your weak points, your emotions. This is where you will be out of phase if you are not prepared.
It is important that you know what to do to take responsibility before leaving a narcissist, in order to facilitate the disconnection process.
First, this preparation must be done on an emotional level.
The emotional state you find yourself in when you leave the narcissistic pervert is a good indicator of how well you can recover and how long it will take.
The inability to rebound is a very real phenomenon after leaving a toxic relationship.
When you get stuck in the fight with the narcissist, you’re in survival mode, and in a way it keeps you alive.
When should you move on?
Some people with a narcissistic personality can also be verbally or emotionally abusive. Here are some signs of an abusive relationship:
• insults, insults
• condescension, public humiliation
• shouts, threats
• the crisis of jealousy, the accusations
Other warning signs to watch out for in the person harassing you:
• she blames you for anything wrong
• she monitors your movements or tries to isolate yourself
• she asks you how you feel or how you would have liked to feel
it regularly projects its faults on you
• denies things that are obvious to you or tries to enlighten you
• it trivializes your opinions and your needs
But when is it time to throw in the towel? Any relationship has its ups and downs, right? While this is true, it is generally best to leave the relationship if:
• you are the victim of verbal or emotional violence
• you feel manipulated and controlled
• you have been physically abused or you feel threatened
• you feel isolated
• the person with a narcissistic personality shows signs of mental illness or addiction, but does not receive help
• your mental or physical health has been affected
25 tips for quitting a narcissistic pervert
As long as you are under their spell, a narcissistic pervert has control over you.
To become independent, you must educate yourself. Come out of denial to see reality as it is. Information is power.
Read about narcissism and abuse on social media. If you are not sure if you want to leave, take the necessary measures.
You can chat with the person to improve your relationship and assess if they can be saved.
Whatever you decide, it is important for your own mental health to work on your independence and self-esteem.
In truth, this person will have successfully transferred their discomfort and shaken you to generate a lack of confidence in you.
If you are in this configuration, take these steps:
1. Join a support group, make an appointment with a therapist, and have reliable friends
Avoid the people he manipulated around you, those who despite themselves found themselves on his side. A narcissistic pervert has the art of manipulating those close to his prey.
He knows how to make himself indispensable in the lives of people who influence his half.
This makes it easier to put pressure on the victim when the situations are complex.
He will shamelessly use people and current situations to blackmail the person he wants to control.
It’s sad, but these people close to you have no discernment and also contributes to your unhappiness.
A therapist or support group can also help in these complicated cases.
2. Check if there is a plotter on your device
Find out if your phone or other device has a plotter.
If your phone’s battery continues to run out, this is most likely a sign that you are being watched.
If you log into your Kindle and it indicates that this book was last read on someone else’s computer yesterday, it means that someone is spying on what you are doing.
Try to check if no plotter has been added to your device as this kind of person is ready for anything.
3. Narcissistic pervert and rupture: become more independent
Create a life outside of your relationship that includes friends, hobbies, work and other interests.
Whether you stay or leave, you need a fulfilling life to complete or replace your relationship.
The narcissistic perverts are abusive. They want to cut you off from your family and friends.
So, you may not have seen some close people for a very long time. The narcissistic pervert may have turned your head against it by spreading rumors.
He may have used lies because they didn’t want you to spend more time with someone else.
The important thing to remember is not to be embarrassed and to be afraid of how they will react when they see you again.
Many people in this configuration think they are stupid, or they have been conditioned to think that their friends will not believe them.
It only takes a simple change of mind to realize that things are different.
It does not mean that you have been stupid, but that you have been deceived and that everyone can be deceived.
You will be pleasantly surprised at the number of people around you who may have had suspicions and how much they may have wanted to help you but did not know how to do it.
4. Disconnect from all devices
If you stay connected to one of the abuser’s devices, it can track what you are doing.
So make a list of everything you think you’ve done. Erase all data from your card or automatic filling systems.
If you save all your passwords on your computer, do a general reset of all important items and this will create a security limit.
And if your attacker is inclined to erase your documents, make a backup.
After doing all of this, you will feel much better for the first time.
5. Build your self-esteem
Learn to value yourself and honor your needs as well as your feelings.
Develop confidence in your perceptions and overcome doubt and guilt.
You have to think of yourself as a whole person, someone who lives and knows what he wants.
Just because you are a good person and you endure the nastiness of a manipulative person does not mean that you have to have a lack of confidence.
The only thing you need to cultivate is self-confidence. By being sure of yourself, it is obvious that life will be better.
6. Learn to assert yourself and set limits
When you drop a narcissistic pervert, you may be tempted to go back when reality sets in.
The brain of a human being is good at reminding us of all the good times and blocking all the bad after a breakup. To leave an individual with a narcissistic personality, it is very complicated.
It’s not just about leaving, but making sure you stay out of this toxic relationship.
You should be aware that all the good times you have spent with this disguised prince charming is just an illusion.
All they convinced you about their potential was probably lies and the truth is that they don’t want to build anything with you. They only want to use you to achieve their ends.
They need a scapegoat to reach a higher level because they do not have the capacity to arrive there alone.
The problem is that in reality this manipulative person is not bad, but he is good at pretending to be good.
7. Report what happened to you
You may not want to file a complaint with the police, but it is important to make an official entry for what has happened to you.
If you don’t want to get involved in the justice system, you can talk to your doctor.
When you go to someone, be sure to say something like, ” I need your help, I was abused and told to speak to a doctor .”
Even if the doctor has not had training to deal with domestic violence, many of them have an idea of what to do.
They could refer you to an anxiety or depression treatment service. Having it all on file will help you if you want to make your case in the future.
8. Remember that a toxic relationship is like a roller coaster
No matter how many chances you give a narcissistic perverse person, the result will be the same.
So keep that in mind as this type of relationship can be compared to a roller coaster.
Survivors of narcissistic abuse must remember that no matter how many times they get back on their feet with the narcissist, the ups, downs and twists and turns will always be exactly the same.
This toxic relationship is not a healthy environment for a couple to thrive.
9. Narcissistic perverts and rupture: learn to rebuild yourself
It is a life skill that also protects you from abuse.
It is important to recover emotionally after an abusive relationship, as you may still be experiencing it. Everything is not yet well configured in your brain.
This means that you can smell all the smells, have all the tastes of your life with this person and everything else can still seem very real.
It’s like post-traumatic stress disorder, and it’s what you have to overcome so that your life is not sluggish.
You have to learn to rebuild yourself, it’s super important. Find out why you were attracted to this person initially and break the spell. Find a new life.
10. Identify the aggressor’s defenses and your triggers
Detach yourself from the narcissistic pervert. A break is necessary.
Your manipulative companion will pull on the strings of your heart to try to make you stay.
He will say, ” I am sorry ” and could reappear on your birthday because that is when you are most vulnerable.
Better yet, they may contact you on their birthday to say that they miss you.
It will spell out all the things that you used to do together and it will be a very emotional time for you.
So be aware that this is just manipulation. You should be aware of what is called the dramatic triangle ( Karpman’s triangle ).
It is a psychological game where someone has the talent to switch between the role of savior, persecutor and victim.
11. Get rid of all the gifts
Gifts are poisonous items that we tend to keep.
People who have a significant couple relationship generally like to keep presents from their partners even if they don’t need them.
The best thing you can do in this situation is to give them to someone. Gifts are reminders of your chapters spent together.
It is more of a clutter, a reminder of the narcissistic perversion that you have suffered and of what you are experiencing at the moment.
So try to get rid of all the gifts as they are not really positive in this scenario.
12. Make a copy of all your documents
It is illegal to withdraw a passport for someone.
This is especially important if you are from another country, as the abuser may hide your documents to prevent you from escaping.
Narcissistic perverts are well known for hiding the affairs of their spouses.
So if they have your passport, find it. At a minimum, try to locate it, take photos and send it to your email address.
Get everything you can, including proof of address, bank details and other official documents.
Either wait until your spouse is out or tell them that you need your documents to complete an application.
13. Never come back to the one who physically assaults you
If you are threatened or physically injured, immediately find another place to live.
Physical abuse repeats itself all the time. A good thing to do is to analyze the situation.
Learn about the cycle of violence and what to do about it. Thus, you will never come back to this person who abuses you.
14. Narcissistic pervert and the breakup: make a list
If your narcissistic partner is still harassing you, you will need something to help you stay strong.
You should write down all the bad things they did to you and keep them handy.
Whenever an unpleasant message arrives or you have a cyclonic conversation, read the document.
This will serve as a reminder of why you should be careful.
When you read all these sad stories again, you will no longer feel the uncertainty that takes you each time.
This will help you remember that the situations invented by your partner are not real.
As a result, you will no longer have empathy for your attacker and you will have more empathy for yourself.
Read the list and think about why you support it.
Does it make sense? You wouldn’t tolerate treating your loved ones so badly, so why are you letting someone put you through this?
15. Don’t make vain threats
When you make the decision to leave a narcissistic pervert, be sure that you are really ready to end the relationship and not let yourself be dragged back into it.
It is a better tactic to accept that the narcissist will not change. When you are ready, you will just have to leave.
If you make threats or make declarations, it will only warn this obsessed with manipulation.
It’s an unwelcome option that will make it easier for you to keep your distance. And that’s not what you want!
16. Avoid starting a new life too quickly
Whether you leave or your perverse narcissistic spouse leaves you, take the time to grieve.
It is imperative to build your resilience, strengthen your mental health and recover from the breakup.
You may find yourself hanging out with similar people because of what is called repetition compulsion.
Essentially, it means trying to repair the trauma of your past with the present.
If you have been abused, you can seek out manipulative people to try to change them.
You may also find yourself with people who treat you badly because it sounds familiar.
So, it would be vital to overcome your pain before embarking on another relationship.
If you still have low self-esteem, you may end up suffering again.
If you think you need another partner, you should ask yourself why.
Find it and make a plan with a vision of what you want to be and what you want to do. Avoid repeating the same mistake by becoming the person he wants.
If you realize that you are starting to claim all the things that your perverted narcissistic former partner stole from you, it means that the wound has never healed.
Try to introspect, find yourself and restart your life with dignity.
When you are healed, you will have a better idea of what you really need and who you should let in your life.
You will then be ready to find someone who truly deserves you.
17. The narcissistic pervert and the breakup: free yourself
People stay in toxic relationships for all kinds of reasons.
The most common are fear for their own safety, fear of losing their children, and stress related to the loss of their property and finances.
Narcissistic perverts tend to be materialistic, but pretend not to be.
They hide their game very well. He would do anything to show that they have a high status, even if that would require shenanigans.
Consult with legal counsel and find out what your options are.
It is again helpful to speak to a therapist and if you can find a good one that you feel comfortable with, you will progress much faster.
Develop a solid rupture plan that you can gradually implement.
Above all, make sure that the perverse narcissistic manipulator is not aware of your plans and the contacts you have had with lawyers and therapists.
If you decide to leave, preferably find an experienced lawyer specializing in family law.
Mediation is not a good option when there is a history of abuse.
18. Understand that a narcissist may need professional help
Often, narcissistic perverts don’t see a problem, at least they think they don’t have a problem.
Therefore, they are unlikely to ever accept therapy from a professional.
However, people buried in the world of compulsive manipulation often suffer from other problems, such as addiction, sometimes from mental health or personality disorders.
Having another disorder may prompt a person to seek help.
You can suggest that they seek professional help, but you cannot force them to do so.
It is absolutely their responsibility, not yours.
And remember that if narcissistic perversion is a mental health problem, it does not excuse abusive behavior.
19. Recognize that you need help
Dealing regularly with someone with a narcissistic personality can have an impact on your mental and physical health.
If you have symptoms of anxiety, depression, or unexplained physical disturbance, consult your doctor first.
Once you have a checkup, you can ask to be referred to other services, such as therapists and support groups.
Chat with family, friends and put your personal support system in place. It is not necessary to go it alone.
Spend time with people who give you an honest reflection of who you are as it is necessary for working on self-esteem.
In order to keep a step back and avoid believing in the distortions of narcissism, it is important to spend time with people who know you as you really are and to validate your thoughts as well as your emotions.
20. Break the spell and stop focusing on them
When there is a narcissistic personality in your world, attention seems to gravitate around it.
It’s desired. Whether negative or positive attention, narcissistic perverts have a lack of confidence and work hard to keep themselves in the limelight.
Very often you find yourself adhering to this tactic, putting aside your own needs to satisfy them.
If you wait for a break from their attention seeking behavior, it may never happen. No matter how much you adapt your life to their needs, it will never be enough.
If you have to deal with a narcissistic personality, don’t let it infiltrate your whole mind or define your world.
You too count. Remind yourself regularly of your strengths, desires and goals.
Take charge and set aside time for yourself. Take care of yourself first and remember that it is not up to you to build the life of a narcissistic pervert.
21. Insist on immediate action, not on promises
A narcissistic perverse person is good at making promises.
She promises to do what you want and not to do what you hate.
She vows to do better next time. But it’s never better next time.
The narcissistic pervert might be sincere about these promises, but it’s just that his life is more important than yours. Furthermore, promises mean nothing to them.
For these people, the promise is only a means to an end. Once they get what they want, the motivation goes.
One cannot count on the fact that their actions correspond to their words. Ask for what you want and hold on.
Try not to forget your first goal when talking with them.
They will often diversion to confuse you, but if you know what you are doing, it is the manipulator who will not know what to do.
He will lose the pedals certainly, but his anger will be fleeting because it will be just an episode that he will have replayed.
Emphasize that you will not respond to their requests until after they have responded to yours.
Do not give in on this point. Consistency will help bring out the truth.
22. The narcissistic pervert and the breakup: avoid arguing
When one is assaulted, the natural instinct of a human being is to defend oneself in order to prove that the narcissistic person is wrong.
It doesn’t matter if you are rational or your argument is solid, there is little chance that this individual will hear you.
And arguing on this point risks worsening the situation in an extremely unpleasant way.
Don’t waste your saliva. Tell the narcissistic pervert directly that you do not accept his assessment. Then follow the course of your life.
23. Don’t give them another chance
The next chance won’t change them. It takes several negative episodes for a person to leave an abusive relationship.
So, if it is you who leave this manipulator, he could try to win you back in order to drop you.
The truth is that everything must be done on their terms, and if they are physically violent, nothing says if they will be even more violent with you.
If the narcissistic pervert is not yet ready to let you go, he will probably beg you, telling you how sorry he is.
It just might give them another chance to hurt you again.
So never give another chance if your spouse never hears what you say.
24. Don’t tell them you’re leaving
Maintaining strictly no contact, or only the minimum impersonal contact necessary would be a good solution when you leave a narcissistic pervert. Telling them you are leaving could make matters worse.
You shouldn’t tell the narcissist that you want to end the relationship right away, it would shock them.
It may sound counterintuitive, but the toxic person will behave in one of two ways:
1. She will start bombarding you with love to keep you emotionally trapped in the relationship by a traumatic bond.
2. His behavior will become even more toxic and potentially harmful to your well-being, physical security or reputation. Sometimes all three.
25. Remember that you are not at fault
A person with a narcissistic personality disorder is not likely to admit a mistake or take responsibility for harming you.
Rather, they tend to project their own negative behaviors onto their spouses or someone else.
You may be tempted to keep the peace by accepting the blame, but you must not belittle yourself to save their ego. You know the truth. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.
The narcissistic pervert and the breakup: his behavior afterwards?
Narcissists and manipulators are fundamentally co-dependent.
If you get away from them, they do whatever it takes to bring you back, because they don’t want to be abandoned.
Narcissists want to keep you interested in nurturing their ego and supporting themselves.
Being abandoned is a major humiliation and a blow to their fragility.
They will try to stop you with kindness and charm, with blame and guilt, threats and punishment, or with necessity, promise or supplication, whatever it takes to control you in order to win.
If you succeed in breaking up, they will generally continue their games to exercise over you a power which compensates for their hidden insecurities.
They can gossip and slander you with family and friends.
These are techniques to suck you in and reintegrate you into the relationship.
They will not leave you alone, will be depressed, they may try to make you jealous with well-surrounded photos, they will talk to your friends and family.
The narcissistic pervert will send you messages, call you and promise to change.
He will express his guilt and his love, he will ask you for help, or will accidentally appear in your neighborhood or your favorite places.
A narcissistic perverse person will not want to be forgotten, but will make you wait and hope.
The moment you think you’ve turned the page, you’ll find yourself in another spiral with this manipulator.
Even if your ex will no longer want to be with you, he may not want you to let go or go out with someone else, especially if he is a wonderful person.
The fact that you answer them while you are with another person can give them enough satisfaction.
When this type of person contacts you, remember that they are unable to give you what you need and that you are worth much more than they are.
Besides, this is the reason why you are with someone else.
The narcissistic pervert and the rupture: the reality
When you leave the narcissist, you may experience severe symptoms of post-traumatic stress.
Just like a holocaust survivor, you may feel bad about yourself and completely empty.
Abuses from yesterday, last week, last month and last year will come out.
Now is the time to take stock of the abuse you have suffered.
After the breakup, it is the most serious period for victims of narcissistic abuse.
Your agony will be so great that resuming a normal course of life will be almost impossible.
You will feel like you no longer have the will to live. At first, you will be afraid of engaging in a new love story.
Then you will be dying emotionally and you will just feel broken, helpless and helpless.
As stated at the beginning of the article, the narcissistic pervert experienced trauma in his family relationship such as physical or verbal violence.
To protect himself, the latter has dissociated himself from his emotions, those which allow him to achieve his goals without any remorse.
You might feel guilty or tell yourself that your ex still loves you and that you are special to him. Who wouldn’t want to think that?
However, if you resist, it will bring more positive things.
Don’t forget that once you fall back into their trap and they feel in control, they will return to their old cold and abusive habits.
Only consistent as well as firm limits will protect and deter you from this shameless manipulator.
