So, therefore, it seems that you realize my importance. That suddenly, I become worthy of interest, once put at the wall of my determination to move away from you.
There is neither hatred nor desire for revenge. Only disappointment and bitterness remains.
The disappointment of noticing that I had invested you with something you are incapable of.
The bitterness of realizing how much I let myself be trapped in your “confidences” which I held for brands of confidence.
All this was really just a perfectly polished speech that you serve to anyone who wants to hear it.
But beyond these considerations, I pity you. I sincerely pity you.
To see how your fear of rejection leads you to shameless selfishness.
To see how it leads you to calculate each of your actions;
To see that this leads you to consider your relationship with the other only in terms of a potential profit or how you could be valued.
As people like you know so well, you are a master in the art of fretboard effects.
Guided by an irrepressible need to please in any situation, you know how to use all the ploys. Cocktail exploding with beautiful words, outraged dignity, melodrama and guilt.
Let’s be lucid. This “friendship” that you offer me is only the mask behind which to hide this unacceptable facet of your person.
For you, this is only a vague “catch-all word”, a “relational box” that will only require a minimum of effort and investment.
What you dare to call friendship is only driven by your selfish desire to keep the person, not for what he is, but for the narcissistic comfort it gives you.
Be sure, I carried you high. I wanted to believe. I wanted to see beyond appearances, beyond my instincts.
But it was only the powder in the eyes of your need to be worshiped.
The straw of a manipulation that you do not assume.
I take my part and assume the consequences where it is easier for you to close your eyes to your share of responsibilities and to confront yourself with this unbearable vision of yourself.
I listen to you flaunt great sentences and beautiful words.
Make an honorable dummy to better keep me trapped in my old attachment.
But once again, you favor only your personal desire rather than admitting the need for this distance.
By rubbing shoulders with you too closely, your true face was gradually revealed.
Now, this distance that I thought was impossible to establish, this ravine that I thought insurmountable has finally diminished.
Just like you never really intended to include me in your life, nothing forces me to make a final effort on myself to keep you in mine.
You have had enough time to act. To react.
I don’t want to struggle anymore to convince you of my worth.
And I no longer have the strength to make the effort to maintain a front-end friendship that will allow you to clear yourself and keep a tolerable image of yourself.
The rope is broken and I will not take on a role that would allow you not to face this part of you that you want to flee.
“You have to know how to be positive and surround yourself with people who carry and protect you. »*
It is on these lines of Valérie De la Cruz that I make the decision to move away from you; to take the necessary distance to “listen to yourself and always go ahead”.
* Me is Lilas, Valérie De la Cruz – Editions du Panthéon
