A first love at fifteen is not forgotten.
Years go by, loves change, but there is always a part of us that thinks back to that time.
Part of us wondering what could have been the end.
Is it out of loneliness? Is it by idealization?
And one day we meet again. We learn to “re-know ourselves”.
Because twelve years later, we are no longer the same.
We grew up, we matured.
We have experienced other things, beautiful or less beautiful.
We built the adult we are today!
We meet again, once, a second time. Everyone has their own life. The distance.
A third time. Two great evenings. One sleepless night.
A revelation. Well being. An evidence.
4 years of celibacy – no loneliness.
Fears. Questions. Cravings.
Lack of reciprocity.
Then five years to write, to confide, to write again and again.
Unsuccessful weekend attempts.
We get tired. We fade.
And one evening, a message. We thought we forgot it. We wanted to have forgotten it.
A new evening, a feeling of well-being, of evidence.
Another evening, a new start.
The distance. The remoteness. Again.
A first love that becomes love again.
A travel. Alone.
8h drive. 8 hours to think of everything and nothing.
And then a song … Our song.
A sign: his city … both at the same time … is that a sign ?!
We think of him … again … We hesitate. Shall we take the exit? Shall we see it?
We want to see it… it’s crazy…
So, we’re going to write these words that will do good right away, but not the next day … But we must do it …
Because since those evenings, we haven’t stopped thinking about him.
We redo our evenings in our heads…
We blame ourselves for letting him come back into his life like that …
We knew that when we saw him again we would be unhappy afterwards … but we do it anyway.
We want to check.
Check that the well-being we had five years ago could disappear…!
Well, no…. And we know it from the first minutes.
We care about him. We do not know how to explain the why of the how. He is always there in the corner of our heads, in our lives, with us.
We are good only when we are with him.
We can no longer afford to think of him like that, all the time.
We don’t want that anymore.
We have to put an end to it.
We have to turn the page.
We have to move forward.
We must not miss our life, our projects, thinking that maybe one day he will care for us as we can care for him…
We wish him that one day he will find a girl who will care for him and that she can make him happy as we would have liked to make him happy.
We know that we will find a boy who will care for us as we would like him to care for us and that we will be happy.
We take back our life in hand. We leave. We are having fun. We are going to the cinema. We see our friends.
We immerse ourselves in our projects.
We are going forward.