Obviously, I’m not talking about a man who is already in a relationship, that’s something I forbid myself, a matter of principle … and a little selfishness and jealousy I admit
I’m talking about this “ideal pseudo” that we are looking for more or less all, about the man that we will have to keep all our life like a fairy tale in “they married and had many children” mode: the famous “Man of our life” whom we wish for from adolescence…
It’s an idea that comes to me often … a feeling … I’m a balance (the astro sign eh, not the one that gives others to the cops), but a real one, like falling in love with me is a bit like buy the bread…
I am in love with a look, a smile, a private message received on networks … in short, what people commonly call “an eternal lover”.
I think I am especially in love with happiness but hey apparently it does not stick to the labels we give in life!
Let’s go back to our ideal man …
I had the chance (I am well aware of this) to meet great love twice… (yes!)
The first time 17 years ago… with a man who was my world.
Our love was sudden, accomplice, funny, passionate, fusional, violent, destructive.
He was “my everything”: my confidant, my best friend, my best lover, my pillar and on the contrary also my executioner … my cryptonite.
He taught me about life, love, passion, hate, rage and mistrust and yet not a day goes by without me thinking of him.
His loss has left a void in me that no one will ever fill.
I speak to him every day and even if I know that from where he is, he cannot answer me I know that he watches over me…
The second time was finer, slower, more tender, more serene…
We were lucky to have good years before life came to put huge mountains on our journey … mountains that we have not been able to climb together.
One wanted to climb them, the other wanted to go around them and we got lost on different paths.
Today we still have the respect and love we owe each other for our two children and for remembering our marriage.
This leads me to say to myself regularly that I am lucky: I have known “great love” twice at only 35 years old.
I think life has already given me a great gift and I thank her regularly.
Then I wonder if it will always be so lenient.
If I will one day be entitled to another chance.
But looking at it … 18 years ago, I was not who I am today, and the man I loved was the right one for “my self” at the time … in the same way that my second love was the one I needed 10 years ago… then it corresponded to my “needs” at the time.
Why should we confine ourselves to one man in our life?
Why could we not believe in “the man in our slices of life” ??
Today, in good balance as I am and after months of navigation between the joy of having known him twice and the fear of not reliving this, I choose to no longer be afraid.
I choose to start a new slice of my life and maybe be able to share it with a new man in my life … someday.
Maybe the next one will be “the right one”, or maybe it will be “the right one for a new longer or shorter period of my life” … who knows? No one.
So what’s the point of closing?
Why not continue to take life as it comes, without pressure?
And maybe one day have the chance to meet a new man in my life…
