In a relationship with celibacy. Until love does us part … I hurt.
A month since the tsunami that tore you from me.
One month that you left.
A month without you.
A month without your voice, your gestures, your words.
A month that we made love for the last time without knowing it but as never in our lives, just to let go, to let go, to trust each other, to understand each other, to listen to each other.
A month since you passed that door without my knowing that it was the last time that I touched your hand, your cheek, your lips.
I am empty of you, there is only this awful pain which tears me apart from the inside. I’m like a drug addict, craving.
Sometimes I forget. But when I least expect it, I take a furious setback.
And you are there in my mind.
You write to me, you look at me with those eyes that have never seen anything like it, you talk to me and I cry.
Obviously, I lost part of me. I am down. I have difficulty getting up despite the outstretched hands.
But I look good. Yes, I’m fine! We have to move forward anyway, don’t we?
Find the positive in each story, learn, come out stronger.
I am told: ” My beautiful, you are a celibating woman !!! You so deserve the best !!! HIGH HEARTS … ”
How I hate this expression so much… if only they knew the state of my heart…
I’m racing too fast ??!?! Yes surely… I was even asked if by any chance it would not be my fault if it is already over.
Back to doubts … you say that I did not screw up anywhere, that it is not me.
But I lost you.
I gave the best of myself but loved you too fast, too hard.
I feel too intensely.
I am not in the norm. For nothing. I am too different but I was born that way. I never do half measures. If I love it is passionately.
But despite my suffering, I don’t overwhelm you. I am not mad at you.
I am marked, for life. Your imprint is anchored in me.
Your hand that squeezes mine.
Your eyes which light up when we first meet, like an evidence, an enchantment.
I remember everything, every bit of you, every sigh, every caress, every message.
I would have moved North to South if I could have been for you who could have been the man of my 2nd life.
How to forget you? How to overcome your departure?
How to move forward without looking behind?
How to stop loving you?
How to channel this flood of feelings that endure?
How to face the forces of attraction?
Back to the life of CELibATING… I’m holding on.
I advance. Heartbroken but head held high.
I’m not talking about you anymore. Nobody understands me anyway.
The mechanisms of love are a mystery, the workings of my heart so much more, a real enigma. But I am strong.
That’s life. She drops us off exactly where soul mates are to meet and she leaves us, leaving us to do the rest.
We have lived our history as intensely as we could. Life thought that like the others we would be stronger than all these kilometers. But it is the distance that won, it shattered us in midair and tore our feelings away.
Now we have to cash in. You say the weather will help, so I trust.
Better days will come, the sun will shine again.
But I will remain marked for life, a sweet and indelible memory, a peaceful and harmonious memory, the memory of you.