“A relationship with the potential to become serious and long-term doesn’t have to be complicated. How long can you bicker and ruin your life, with each other and with yourself, in a relationship? Six months, a year, several years in extreme cases?
But afterwards, as in the theater, when the public is fed up with the actor, he leaves the room …
By leaving him alone on stage, under the lights, sweating. Everything has a limit.
All the “difficult relationships”, all these “ it’s over, let’s start again ”, and the conversations that last for hours negotiating how things should work in the couple are just signs of a great idleness – sorry to say it like that, bluntly. These relationships are not worth it. Seriously.
It’s as if you walked into a car dealership and wanted to buy a Bentley even though you only had enough money to pay the first installment on the most modest of Chinese cars …
You can go to the dealership every day for two years, nothing will change.
You can say that the Bentley is the only car you can drive, you will drive your parents and your friends crazy by dint of talking about it, you will despair and tear your hair, you will ruin your own life, and eventually, you will even get used to this situation.
But … You will never understand that in reality what you need is a vehicle equipped with an engine, which runs, which has heating in winter, comfortable chairs, wheels, and who will be able to take you comfortably from point A to point B.
You can get lost in the stars while you seek the sun.
Relationships should be as simple as a one-sided part.
It doesn’t matter if he’s a genius, a physicist, or Pierre, the neighbor who lives around the corner, whatever his education, how many languages he speaks, how many women he has had in his life, or if he writes beautiful poems.
If you get depressed in his presence, if when you’re with him you don’t feel less bad than when he’s not there, if you know (because you know it) that there is no future with him, if he doesn’t let you live quietly, if he likes to say things like “I’m not ready”, “let’s wait a little longer,” “I have to think about it”, ”it’s so difficult to say ”, you can send it for a walk. You will know much later if you loved her for real or if it was just a whim. If you think about it, you don’t lose anything at all.
It is not easy to recognize love.
Usually, people confuse it with passion, respect, habit, addiction, desire for revenge, and many other things.
A complicated relationship only serves to give you headaches. If you are aware of the fact that you need him, and that you cannot live without this headache, at least you can admit to yourself that you do not need this particular man, but just hard of head that it produces to you (and that you could have with another).
Learn to exorcise all that “pain” so that your next relationship will be more productive. You just have to tell the CORRECT man that on Wednesdays and Saturdays you become an unbearable bitch, so that he can prepare for it.
I insist once and a thousand times: a relationship must be something simple. In the end, you want to form a family, have plans, go on vacation, visit your parents, in short, all that makes up life as a couple. If you think that everything will get better over time, YOU ARE WRONG.
It’s always the same: at the beginning, you want a tall, athletic, intelligent, rich, romantic man, with projects, attractive, blah, blah blah blah …
And you don’t understand what in the end we ALL end up an understanding: that you just needed a reliable person who could be there, NOT ONLY when the stars come together to do this, but ALWAYS also, you understand? Reliability is a very important quality.
He will have to be with you and help you in the most difficult times of life, when everything is dark and there will be only precipices on both sides of the path.
Therefore, being responsible is another vital quality.
You are going to want to share with him your joy and your sadness, your successes and your failures, your dreams and your fears, so it is INFINITELY important to be able to understand and have empathy.
You will know it inside out and right side up, you will be able to understand each other without even speaking to each other, in the end, by getting used to each other, you will be adjusted like the gears of a great machine. Of course, there will also be arguments because you are different, but you will adapt to each other. But you have to be patient.
You will see that you will give in on a lot of little things, every day, you will give up your habits as a single woman, you will be more invested in your relationship, and so will he. Flexibility is also very important.
You will make decisions with him, and also on your own, decisions that could change the course of your life, so you need to learn to trust him. Otherwise, you won’t be able to do it.
Think about it: when you were 20 or younger, you didn’t think about all of this, did you? You just wanted HE to arrive, handsome as he was, to look for you, to offer you flowers, to kiss you …
You wanted to fall in love with his eyes, in short, a story like we see in the cinema. But all of this is not really the point.
Whether handsome or not, tall or short, athletic or a little round, talkative or stutterer. You just need to know that this person will be with you in all situations.
You must feel that you are happy by his side, and that WITHOUT him you would feel much worse than WITH him.
I assure you that when you look back, in twenty years, you will begin to feel tenderness when you touch his forehead to find out if he is sick, you will tell him to stay home even if he is not. coughed only once.
You will stop having these ” but where is this relationship going?” “, Because you will have arrived at your destination, it will have been your true love, the one that arrives with friendship.
It is impossible to plan love. Impossible.
And to free yourself from these “difficult relationships”, what do you want me to tell you … Take painting lessons? Help orphans? Leave your poor brain in peace, and this man too… Note, he will always have problems, even without you. “