“He is attractive, he has a good situation, he is kind and amiable, he has everything going for him and he loves me on top of that. So why don’t I like it? “
A longtime friend who has been in a relationship for 7 years with what appears to be the perfect man told me about her doubts a few days ago regarding the future of her relationship. These same doubts that she had already mentioned at the beginning of their story and on several occasions since.
So it would seem that she got stuck in a relationship of convenience, just because this man, who shares his life today, met all the criteria of the ideal man according to the dictas of our society.
But then why doesn’t she like him?
She wondered at length (in 7 years she had time!) And finally came to the conclusion that she had not mourned her previous relationship. She was younger, too young perhaps, and madly in love. Too much passion and jealousy associated with the ardor of his 20 years and the couple did not hold.
Ten years later, she still fantasizes about this past relationship and thinks that with hindsight and today’s maturity they would never have left each other.
But does she really fantasize about the return of her ex or rather about the return of love passion in her life?
Love is a feeling that could not be more mysterious that does not respond to any logic, despite the long list of criteria that we develop over time and according to our past relationships.
It’s true, we all said one day ” my next guy will have a great job and lots of money!” »To finally fall in love two days later with the first adventurer, without job or money, who passes by there.
Love is above all an indescribable, irrational, and inexplicable alchemy.
Most of the time when we are asked to give an objective answer to the question ” Why do you like it?” “, It is very difficult to find the right words without falling into the cliché of” he is handsome, kind, affectionate… “. And when you are in love with the worst goujat that the earth has worn, it is all the more difficult, because love itself is not objective. ” I love him because it is Him full stop!” “
Love is also, and especially at the beginning, the pounding heart, the head in the clouds and butterflies in the belly.
All these emotions that make us throb both literally and figuratively. While these feelings often diminish over time, they can also resurface even in long-standing relationships. My older sister in a relationship for more than twenty years confided to me that despite the years, all it took was a simple caress of her man’s hand on her cheek, for it to melt again.
Obviously my friend does not feel any of this for her companion. So why does she persist in this relationship that does not make her happy?
It is not so simple! Because not being in love does not mean that there is no love in the broad sense of the term. If my friend has been staying with her partner for so many years it is because there is undoubtedly a lot of affection and a strong attachment.
Moreover, he is perfect, faithful and she has absolutely nothing to reproach him with. People wouldn’t understand the reason for the breakup.
Already it is not easy to break up with a man who hurts us so how can we break up with a nice boy who loves us sincerely? After 7 years of relationship, how to leave it without breaking it? He doesn’t deserve it.
Habit, everyday life, material amenities are also part of the details and complications that we dread by deciding to give up everything. We know what we are losing and we do not know what we are winning.
And also the doubt that persists: ” Am I not going to make a monumental mistake that I risk regretting all my life by leaving him? “
It’s true that she’s not really happy with him, but she’s not unhappy either.
“I’d rather stay warm in my monotonous relationship than freeze my as** on my own.”
While the generation of celibates is booming, as couples separate one by one everywhere around us, some have renounced Love, with a capital A, without renouncing the life of a couple. Being satisfied with the just decent either out of spite or by choice, for fear of suffering. And why not, after all?
Finally, isn’t it better to be not too badly accompanied rather than facing the loneliness that lurks around the corner? It remains debatable.
For my part, I prefer to continue my quest for happiness rather than resolving myself to never find it. Up to you !