Following the breakdown of his marriage, a young divorced man gives advice to men on how to succeed in their married life. This article, which I found by chance on the web appealed to me. Glad to see that men – too – can be sensitive enough to analyze their mistakes Actually, I say that but I never doubted it to be honest! So I suggest you read his 20 tips.
As you can imagine, I am not a marriage counselor, nor an expert in romantic relationships. But having just been divorced this week, I have some perspective on the things I wish I had done differently:
After losing the woman I loved, and destroying a 16-year marriage, here is the advice I would have liked to have received a few years earlier …
– Gerald Rogers
1. Never stop courting him. To be an eternal lover.
NEVER take the woman you have for granted. When you asked for his hand, you promised one thing: To be that man who had conquered his heart, and who will know how to protect and keep it at all costs. It is the most important, most sacred treasure you will ever have in your hands. She CHOSEN you. Never forget this, and never be indolent and lax in your love.
2. Protect your own heart.
Just as you have taken the oath to be the keeper of his heart, you will have to look after your own with the same vigilance, the same consideration. Love yourself, love the world around you, but keep that little space in your heart that no one except your wife can fit into. Keep this small space always ready to receive her, invite her to enter it every day, but defend the entrance because no one else should enter it.
3. Fall in love again and again.
People are constantly changing. You won’t be the same people you were when you got married, and five years from now you won’t be the same people you are today.
Change is inevitable,
and that’s why you will have to choose yourself
one and the other again each day.
She does NOT have to stay with you, and if you’re not careful, you may lose her and never be able to make up for it again. The fight to conquer one’s heart is a constant struggle.
4. Always see her best side.
Focus on the things you love. Because the things we pay the most attention to develop. If you focus on what makes you angry, all you will see is reason to be angry. If you focus on what you love, you won’t be able to help but feel love. Focus on it, until you get to the point where you won’t be able to see anything but love, and the unshakeable feeling of being the luckiest man on earth to have such a woman as a mate.
5. It is not for you to try to change her or make her improve.
Your task is very simple: Love her as she is, without expectations or desire to see her change. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether that’s what you initially wanted – or not.
6. Take responsibility for your own life.
Be responsible for your emotions. It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she can’t make you unhappy either.
The task of finding your own happiness is yours,
and it is through this that this happiness
will flow into your romantic relationship.
7. Don’t blame her if you’re upset.
NEVER blame her if YOU are frustrated or upset. These are emotions that belong to YOU. When you have these kinds of feelings, take the time to take a step back, to take a step back. Look for what is in YOU that needs to be healed, repaired. If you have been attracted to this woman one day, it is because she knew how to put balm in your heart, heal your wounds.
8. Let her live.
Conversely, when she is sad or stressed, it is not for you to try to solve this problem. You just have to hold her in your arms and tell her it’s okay. Let her know that you love her, care about her, and hear her. You are the shoulder on which she can come and lean. When you see her pissed off, don’t dodge her. Stay present and listen to what she really has to say.
9. Play silly every now and then.
Stop taking yourself so seriously. Laugh. Make her laugh. Laughter makes things so much easier …
10. Fill her with love, every day.
Learn her language, the specific way she likes to be treated. Cherish her, make her feel how important she is to you. If necessary, ask her to make a list of the 10 things that make her feel loved and memorize them. Make her feel like a queen, every day.
11. Be present.
Don’t just devote your time to him, but give him your attention, your energy, and your soul as well. Do whatever you can to clear your mind so that when you are with her you are REALLY with her.
12. Be prepared to take her s**xually.
Take her elsewhere, consume her, devour her with your masculine presence, penetrate her to the depths of her soul.
Let her be a woman, let her be a man.
13. Don’t be an idiot.
Don’t be an idiot, but don’t be afraid to be one either. Everyone makes mistakes, too, and so do you. You can’t avoid making mistakes, but you can try to do as little as possible. Learn from the mistakes you make.
14. Give him some space.
The first quality that women have is knowing how to give without counting. Sometimes you will have to lead her to take care of herself too. She will have to move away from you to find or feed her passions. Let her take time for herself, ESPECIALLY if you have children.
15. Be vulnerable.
Be ready to share your fears and your emotions, and know how to recognize your mistakes.
16. Be transparent.
If you want to gain their trust, you will need to be willing to share EVERYTHING, especially the things you least want to share. It takes courage to love someone fully, to open her heart, and to let her go in without knowing if she is going to like what she will find there.
Because to truly love someone,
you have to love it in its entirety, including the dark side.
Ditch the Masks: If you feel like you have to wear a mask when it is present, and be perfect all the time, you will never experience love in its entirety.
17. Never stop growing together.
Stagnant water attracts mosquitoes and disease, living water is always cool and bubbling. When you stop working a muscle, it atrophies, and the same goes for a romantic relationship. Find common issues, goals, dreams towards which you want to move forward together.
18. Stop worrying too much about money.
Money is just a game. You are teammates who must play together, on the same team. It never helps when teammates bicker. Learn to use your common strength.
19. Forgive immediately.
Focus on the future rather than trying to carry the weight of the past. Don’t let the past hold you hostage.
Forgiveness is freedom.
Cut the chains that hold you back from the mistakes of the past, and move on while you can.
20. Choose love. Always.
In the end, this may be the only advice you really need. If this is the cornerstone, the guiding principle of all your actions and choices, nothing can ever shake the bond you have with your wife. Love resists everything.
So I will conclude by saying quite simply:
Hats off to Mr. Rogers, a beautiful lesson in humility,
of taking a step back and questioning!
Do you have a 06? a mail address? How do we meet you?