I tested them all. Dating sites. Have I had any adventures? Yes. Love stories? Not often. Why?
- Because of them: They want s**x
- Because of me: I do not select
Yet it would be easy to sort it out: the written word is unstoppable! The reflection that kills. The word too much.
The craze is quickly deflating. Prince Charming is not always on the other side of the keyboard! It would be known.
Illustrations below …
Me: Why do you feel the need to look elsewhere?
Him: Madame is far away at the moment.
Me: Not very original! 99% of the causes of adultery. What else?
Him: It’s a need. I love the excitement of the forbidden encounter. I like to take a wife who is not mine.
THE MAN AT QUIPROQUO
Me: I’m not in your age range
Editor’s note: Monsieur was looking for a woman younger than me according to his profile).
Him: Why are you convinced of this since I am contacting you?
Me: I am not convinced of anything!
Him: So I have trouble understanding your message. ” I am not in your age group ” probably means ” You are too old for me ” and not as I thought ” I am too young for you “
Me: At this point of decision… end of the story!
THE MAN WHO LOOKED FOR ROCCO
Him: Are you up for it?
Me: To see… Are you a good lover?
Him: No one has complained and my penis is apparently perfect. I am even sure of it.
THE JALOUX MAN
Him: I wrote you a text at 9 p.m. It’s 9:30 p.m. what’s going on?
Me: I’m at a dinner party. We will text each other later or tomorrow if too late.
Him: I’m waiting for your text. I won’t fall asleep without it. We don’t know each other but you are already mine.
THE FETICHIST MAN
Him: What do the men say you knew about your feet?
Me: I’m afraid I don’t understand the subtlety of your question …
Him: I could transcend them if you feel like it?
Me: Would you be a podiatrist ?!
Him: Just a lover of these 5 divine growths.
THE SHY MAN
Me: Shall we have a drink tonight?
Him: Why not, but I think things are going a bit fast. We don’t know each other well.
Me: At the same time, I remind you that we have been “chatting” on a site for 3 weeks and that we need a start.
Him: Sorry, I don’t feel capable of it yet.
Me: What would you need?
Him: To have seen you before.
Me: Would you be up for a drink?
Him: I hesitate because I’m afraid that my cock will take power. This is already starting to be the case …
Me: It’s stupid … s**x has never bothered me, on the contrary!
THE PROVOCATIVE MAN
Him: Good evening from a stallion!
Me: Not super classy !!!
Him: I like to provoke.
Me: Should learn subtlety …
THE HEAVY MAN
Him: If you like being fucked doggy style you’ll love it.
Me: If you take me by the feelings …
Him: I was sure you would love it.
Me: Like what, we don’t understand each other. It’s called 2nd degree …
THE MAN OF THE LAST CENTURY
Him: I also forgot to specify that I am a man with principles and a lot of certainties.
Me: Oh yes which ones?
Him: I think that a woman should not drink, or delicately with the tip of her lips, a light cocktail, even a glass of champagne. It’s charming I think. Especially when I talk to her about football or my stamp collections and she listens to me with a playful and delighted air. I like to cause this effect. It’s quite rare my faith.
Me: Indeed …
THE CATHO MAN
Him: I allow myself to bounce back from your statement. Do you call yourself a Christian? You should turn the other cheek. Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t like to be done to you. I hadn’t noticed your split personality. I feel you are dangerous… FAREWELL.
THE LESSON-GIVING MAN
Him: I don’t understand why you let him watch TV so late!
Me: Oh, why?
Him: My children are already in bed when I come home from the office.
Me: I imagine you work late?
Him: Yes, I am being exploited! Never before 18/19 hours.
Me: Oh yes! Cool ! You must take advantage of it!
Him: No why! My wife takes care of it.
Me: Ah! I see.
THE RIGOLO MAN
Him: You just went from the status of ” I want to jump you because you have a good head and a brain ” to that of ” I want to know you and to jump you later because you make me to laugh ! “
Me: Oh okay!
Him: Conclusion, you are interesting and dangerous.
Jules Renard said:
A good talker is a man who juggles very well
with empty cannonbal**s.