When we beg for love, we can quickly fall into blackmail or manipulation, and forget ourselves. We must not be fooled by false hopes, we must accept the end of this relationship and face the future.
Whoever begs for love knows very well that his commitment is no longer genuine, and that the relationship is dead.
Even so, one seeks to rekindle the hot coals with the desperation of one who dreams of a second chance, but the only thing one gets is suffering.
Another aspect must be taken into account: who makes the mistake of begging to be loved, gives the other person a very dangerous position of power.
It is then that one can fall without realizing it into unbalanced relationships where manipulation and even humiliation enter.
Whoever begs for love can lose themselves, and when that happens, our self-esteem is seriously affected.
It is essential to take this into account.
Begging love is not love: Love that begs or begs is already a lost love
It’s a pain to love someone who doesn’t love us back.
It is not easy to admit that our couple is no more, that we live in the pretense, that our partner is light years away and that we are already a satellite that turns needlessly around her.
Even though our emotional radar is fully aware that there is no more love, we use denial as a defense mechanism to tie ourselves to hope.
We want to hold on to this illusion, to continue to fuel an unreal love that we cannot let go of.
What is behind these behaviors? Why do we ask the other to love us again, when he has already told us that he does not love us anymore?
As children, we are taught the value of effort, the need to strive for what we want. In a way, we associate this struggle with emotional relationships, when in reality emotions don’t always work that way.
- It is not by striving, humiliating ourselves, or doing everything to demonstrate our overflowing passion that the other person will like us or not. The heart doesn’t work like that.
- False hope is the venom of those who refuse to face reality. It is clear that it is not easy to accept disenchantment, but when the other person has made it clear to us that they are no longer feeling anything, it is vital to accept it.
Act differently to be loved
Acting against your values, showing another image of yourself to be more desirable, and giving up your habits to tune in are things that many people can do to get the loved one back or to reach the desired person.
All of this produces a slow self-destruction that in addition to humiliating us, can affect our mental and emotional health. We must not fall into this error.
False illusion as a defense mechanism
There is something very clear: to end a relationship involves having to rebuild a life, and it is something that we are not all prepared for.
- This is why sometimes the false illusion is resorted to as a defense mechanism, like an emotional life jacket with which to survive thinking of a “maybe”, a “if I do this, he / she / she will look at me again ”,“ if he/she has pity on me, it is because he/she still loves me ”.
These are very understandable behaviors that we can have for a few days, until acceptance sets in.
If you stay in this type of behavior for several months, you will be doing yourself and the other person a lot of harm.
The path to acceptance when disenchantment appears
When it comes to accepting disenchantment or the end of a relationship, each of us reacts in a different way.
You should know that to achieve this, each person will need to follow their own path, as therapeutic as possible (seek support, change cities, do new activities, go on a trip, etc.)
It is worth considering strategies that can help us take care of our self-esteem.
- We all need a why. Relationships end for a reason and we need to know it. This will help us turn the page more effectively without fueling false second-chance hopes.
- A “we’re done here” must be formulated face to face and never in a message or via a third party.
- Sincere words, while painful, are also healing. They must be firm and realistic: it is over, and there will be no second chance.
- Now is the time to think about yourself. Who begs for love when things are clear, betrays himself. It is necessary to accept and live in grief. It is essential to think about yourself, and to heal emptiness, rejection, and absence.
The pain of now represents fragments of ourselves that we must collect with dignity in order to rebuild ourselves.
It is a laborious task that takes time, effort and a lot of care, but time will gradually ease the pain.
To conclude, there will come a day when we will feel proud that we did not beg for love.