I got lost in the arms of an abandoned person. We are regularly told about the narcissistic perverse manipulator, a dangerous human being for the one who finds himself face to face. Numerous specialists or testimonies give us a multitude of leads to try to identify this kind of individuals and especially to try to avoid them so that they cannot harm us.
But who tells us about the abandoned person?
Abandonment particularly affects men who have experienced, during their childhood or adolescence, a feeling of abandonment very often linked to the mother.
Abandonment creates an emotional dependence on his partner by feeding on his whole being in order to take full possession of it and therefore makes sure not to be left…. abandoned !
Here is the problem…
As he becomes attached to his prey, his fear of being abandoned will increase and he will become more and more demanding of proof of love and affection from his partner. It could be likened to jealousy or possession, but it is not.
Things will, therefore, go very quickly:
- A need to present the chosen one to all those around her in order to “validate” her
- An eagerness to move in with her in order to have her by her side every day
- A constant physical or letter-writing presence on pain of incessant reproaches for lack of attention to him
- He will plan his life only according to his companion
- He will use a plethora of words that fill him and fill him “you complete me”, “you are my half”, “before you I was empty”, “we are only one”, etc.
The behavior of an abandoned person will always follow the same path in a process of passion.
You are going to tell me that we all dream of a man who is in love with us, carries us on a pedestal and shows us all his love and his attachment from morning to night and night to morning.
But you have to differentiate healthy love from therapeutic love.
However, here is the other side of the coin …
The abandonment does not commit, he will require from you any form of commitment towards him by proving to you that this is for your couple and therefore for your love, but he will not commit in any way. And worse, as soon as he senses a lack of attention or commitment from you, he will immediately go in search of new prey, feeling the abandonment point the tip of his nose.
An abandoned person cannot be alone.
The process of destruction towards you will then begin, because, once this new prey has been targeted and seduced (which will give him confidence in having someone else on hand in case of abandonment):
- He will walk away from you using all kinds of lies and excuses.
- He will start to denigrate you and put you down which will go against the admiration he has shown you for months.
- Everything will only be your responsibility because you did not like it enough, not reassured enough.
This denigration will inevitably make you doubt yourself and you will then do your utmost to seduce him again….
Even if it means doing too much, even if it means losing yourself.
You will not understand this change of situation and it will make you suffer.
He will surely cheat on you with his new prey because s**x takes on a lot of meaning for him, his dominant behavior is confirmed in bed.
But know that at NO time will he leave you because he will wait for you to do so.
The reason: the abandoned is a victim and not an executioner.
As a result, he will never give the image of the one who broke the other… these people are like predators who will make you their priority and make themselves indispensable in your eyes and in your life.
Often authoritarian and dominant, it will reassure you at first to have someone with whom you will feel safe. But be careful to discern the male who protects you and the one who empties you of your substance in order to feed himself.
It is complicated to detect this problem in the other and the only advice I can give you today is to make sure that in a story you never get lost.
Indeed, in his process of changing prey, he will adopt a behavior close to the narcissistic perverse manipulator without being so, because what differentiates him from the MPN is that he will not seek to deliberately destroy you.
The abandonment will only focus on one and only thing: not to be alone.
Namely that you will, therefore, be the only person to make you suffer by accepting what you already know: the end of your story.
Here are the 7 criteria that will allow you to spot an abandoned borderline person.
- Intense efforts to avoid abandonment situations and never be alone.
- Unstable relationships characterized by an alternation of excessive idealization and devaluation.
- Disturbance of identity marked by a differential between self-confidence and negative self-image.
- Impulsivity in at least two areas potentially dangerous for the person (dr**gs, s**x, purchase, eating behavior, notion of speed and adrenaline, fighting).
- Chronic feeling of emptiness.
- Impulsive character and excessive moodiness.
- Few experience feelings of persecution.
This disorder is a real psychological disorder that can be managed with comprehensive therapy.
Do not hesitate to talk about it with those around you if you are faced with this type of people, but also if you feel concerned for yourself.