I’m no longer one of your options

Even though you mean a lot to me, now is the time for me to step off your list of choices. You could never decide what I meant to you, and although I think you knew more than you pretended, it doesn’t matter what we think or feel, it’s what we do that matters.

And you never did anything for me.

The reality is this: indecision can be a decision in itself.

You were frustrating me, I spent so much time wondering about everything that was left between us, but I don’t anymore.

Because I’ve said everything I need to say, and like it or not, I don’t need to waste time sleeping.

I’ve learned that sometimes there is no end, and that’s good because I know now that I can still find a new beginning.

I will not stay here discrediting our history or the promise that my lips will no longer touch yours, for I will never presume that I know more than the divine force that rules this world.

But the only thing certain is that at the moment you don’t want to be here by my side with your arm around me, so I have decided to continue things with someone who will.

You didn’t want me to move on and keep going, so I’m… in the arms of a man who doesn’t let me doubt his interest and doesn’t shut up when I ask tough questions.

The point is, I don’t even really know what we were, because you were never able to find the words either.

And although you never asked me to be yours, you never completely closed the door on us.

But this time, if I want to respect you, I can’t stay there anymore.

I can’t keep asking if you are ready to be honest and approach issues like adults when you are just ready to shut down.

My heart is tired, and what hurts me the most is how you made it look like I forced you against your will.

I was never your downfall, but maybe I was your kryptonite, because even Superman has a soft spot.

I don’t know if you’ve ever admitted the truth or if the lies are even sweeter.

As you are the artist in this masterpiece, you only see what you want or what makes you comfortable.

No matter how hard we are, and no matter how many tears I can still shed over you, I can’t be an option for you when you decide you want to find yourself.

I don’t expect you to care, because you’ve made it clear that you’ve moved on.

Even though I know I can’t be one of your options anymore, I don’t really know how to do this – because somehow you have become a part of my heart without even me. please, and now I don’t know how to forget you.

All I know is that I’ve never been on my knees because of someone like you did.

I don’t know what will be done tomorrow. All I know is you can’t (or won’t) be here, and there’s another man who is.

A man I still can’t imagine touching my body, simply because I haven’t been able to get your name off my skin yet.

One of the saddest parts of all of this is that I know I had the same effect on you – it was neither convenient nor “supposed” to happen.

But our eyes don’t lie, even when our heart tries to.

I travel a little further each day, until maybe one day I can go far enough that I can convince myself that we haven’t felt a thing.

And it doesn’t matter whether it’s the truth or not, because I know that over time we can convince ourselves of just about anything.

But before I leave this place for good, I want you to know that I have meant my every word. Especially when I told you that I love you.

No matter what happened, I will never regret saying those lovely simple words to you.

With every step I take, I send my sweet love to you, not knowing where my path will lead me.

It’s possible that it leads me into the arms of the man who has been waiting for me to find him all along, or it brings me back to you.