I feel like I am falling in love.
And it’s both an exciting and a scary feeling. I feel like I’m flying and falling, being happy and sad. It’s like my stomach is full of burning sand and my chest is full of butterflies.
I love the feeling that love gives me. I love the heat and the fire it gives off. The way a new partner unfolds like a summer day, slowly at first – a promise of warmth in the air. Sunlight on the horizon.
Before you fall in love, I would like you to know that a summer day can also get scorching.
So, before my new love grows too much, there are some things I would like to say.
I’m not here to heal you. And I’m not even here to understand you. If you need to be groomed, wooed, or whatever, I wish you all the best. But I just can’t go into it. I have neither the time nor the energy.
Before I fall in love, I want you to know: that I need time for myself.
Probably about an hour a day for reading, yoga, running, reading the news, or just going out. Some days it may be less. Other days I may need more time. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. It doesn’t mean that you piss me off. I just have time to take care of myself, you, and all my loved ones, I need time to reconnect with myself. On the other hand, know that I will always give you the same consideration. And if you need more or less, don’t hesitate to let me know.
I need to marvel.
I flourish in the richness of the soil, the luminosity of dawn, the colors of the sunset. I must feel my heart singing in joyful harmony with the universe. And I need you to understand that.
Next, let’s agree that our relationship is not an area of judgment. You are free to be completely yourself. All these oddities that make the wonderful being that you are. Don’t hold back, even when you think you are going to shock or hurt me, or that I am going to judge you. Because all of these things are going to happen. We need to be able to endure the other person’s imperfections. Thoughtless words will be spoken. So we will have to approach the issues without judgment and talk.
Before you fall in love you should know that sometimes you will hate me.
Sometimes I’ll piss you off so much that you’ll want to rip out your eardrums so you can’t hear me anymore. And believe me, I’ll do the same, because I’m like a thunderstorm. Usually short, but nasty and known to do damage. But we will overcome this if we accept ourselves. If we don’t blame ourselves and if we can give space, love and we don’t hurt ourselves.
Let’s be on the same side. Ours.
I want to be amazed. By my love for you, by your love for me. I also want to be amazed by our love for each other, by life, the sun, the adventure. I want to look at you every day, at least once, and wonder how this perfectly imperfect life came into being.
Let me bake improvised cakes for you, because I am unable to follow a recipe. Then I will write and practice yoga and you will work on your computer. We will be silent, but happy. Then we will walk downtown, have a drink, and discuss anything and everything. We will walk at home, touching our hands from time to time, because I like to walk alone.
Let’s be silly, sad, and happy.
Let’s explore the world together. Let’s make cookies, memories and a fulfilling life. What, I don’t know yet. It took me a long time to get to this place… I’m ready to find out.
