I thought I was going to feel great pain, that my heart would be anxious to lose you. Or worse yet, that he would stop beating.
I thought without you I was just going to cease to exist.
I thought I was going to drift away, because you were the anchor on which I had created my identity, my compass that helped me navigate. I thought that without you I would get lost.
But one day, I just knew.
I never expected such relief when I broke the ropes that had held me back all this time. A moment of extraordinary clarity. A moment, when I finally knew.
I didn’t need you anymore.
I no longer needed your opinion of me, your affirmation, your approval.
I no longer needed your judgments, your criticisms, your condemnations.
I no longer needed your expectations that I was unable to meet, your goals that changed with each change of wind.
I no longer needed your blame, your apologies, your justifications.
I no longer needed your pseudo-love, filled with conditions.
I thought I needed you, but I was wrong.
I thought it would be hard to let you go, but it wasn’t.
I thought I was going to miss you, but once again I was wrong.
In a second my heart was awakened to the truth about who I am.
I am more than the lies you wanted me to believe about me. I am more than the reflection of failure in your eyes when I did not meet your demands. I don’t feel worthless anymore like when I was with you.
I am a great warrior, sculpted by the hands of creation, shaped by the same hands that created the oceans and the stars, the mountains, and the air.
I am a strong, courageous, wise person. I am gentle-minded with the heart of a lioness.
I am creative, passionate, sensitive, and kind. I am open-hearted and open-minded. I am powerful, generous, daring, empathetic, true, complex, courageous, understanding, forgiving.
I am everything you will ever be.
I will no longer carry the shame that I had to bear all these years, because that shame belongs to you.
And I will hold no hatred or resentment towards you.
Because by doing this, I will let you destroy my light. This would allow you to destroy my peace, to blacken my heart with the malice that dwells in you.
I don’t want to be tied to the bitterness that destroys your soul, nor to your ugliness.
Instead, I choose to explore the world and love more fiercely, to show more compassion, to be more generous, to offer more kindness.
I choose to forgive. For me, not for you.
I choose to sow what I wish to harvest for the future of my children.
I choose freedom and love.
I will stand firm on the unshakeable truth of who I am.
And I will fly to heights you will never dream of.
Because I let you go.
I’m no longer held back by all the strings you held.
I no longer need you.
I’m free now.