I thought I would feel great pain letting you go

I thought I was going to feel great pain, that my heart would be anxious to lose you. Or worse yet, that he would stop beating.

I thought without you I was just going to cease to exist.

I thought I was going to drift away, because you were the anchor on which I had created my identity, my compass that helped me navigate. I thought that without you I would get lost.

But one day, I just knew.

I never expected such relief when I broke the ropes that had held me back all this time. A moment of extraordinary clarity. A moment, when I finally knew.

I didn’t need you anymore.

I no longer needed your opinion of me, your affirmation, your approval.

I no longer needed your judgments, your criticisms, your condemnations.

I no longer needed your expectations that I was unable to meet, your goals that changed with each change of wind.

I no longer needed your blame, your apologies, your justifications.

I no longer needed your pseudo-love, filled with conditions.

I thought I needed you, but I was wrong.

I thought it would be hard to let you go, but it wasn’t.

I thought I was going to miss you, but once again I was wrong.

In a second my heart was awakened to the truth about who I am.

I am more than the lies you wanted me to believe about me. I am more than the reflection of failure in your eyes when I did not meet your demands. I don’t feel worthless anymore like when I was with you.

I am a great warrior, sculpted by the hands of creation, shaped by the same hands that created the oceans and the stars, the mountains, and the air.

I am a strong, courageous, wise person. I am gentle-minded with the heart of a lioness.

I am creative, passionate, sensitive, and kind. I am open-hearted and open-minded. I am powerful, generous, daring, empathetic, true, complex, courageous, understanding, forgiving.

I am everything you will ever be.

I will no longer carry the shame that I had to bear all these years, because that shame belongs to you.

And I will hold no hatred or resentment towards you.

Because by doing this, I will let you destroy my light. This would allow you to destroy my peace, to blacken my heart with the malice that dwells in you.

I don’t want to be tied to the bitterness that destroys your soul, nor to your ugliness.

Instead, I choose to explore the world and love more fiercely, to show more compassion, to be more generous, to offer more kindness.

I choose to forgive. For me, not for you.

I choose to sow what I wish to harvest for the future of my children.

I choose freedom and love.

I will stand firm on the unshakeable truth of who I am.

And I will fly to heights you will never dream of.

Because I let you go.

I’m no longer held back by all the strings you held.

I no longer need you.

I’m free now.

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