After a breakup, in most cases, our interlocutor is considered incompetent, even malicious, for not having been able to eliminate all our pain in a rapture of euphoric love.
We have to be honest, when we break up with someone, we don’t cry for them, we cry for ourselves.
We cry because she has not completed us and the agony of incompleteness seems to be too much to bear.
You see, this is why romantic relationships are so powerful and overwhelming.
They represent the total unification of humanity, a complete amalgamation of two seemingly divergent forces, which end separation and loneliness. The meeting of the masculine and the feminine symbolizes unity and fullness. This results in a deep sense of catharsis, as we are no longer confined to the absolute gloom of being an isolated ego entity, detached from all that is other – the harmonization of human existence.
Maybe if we thought of a relationship more as a fellowship, some kind of agreement that is constantly adjusted and modulated as we grow and evolve over the course of our lives, we wouldn’t be so broken when we break up.
Giving yourself to another person is not about projecting all of our grief and our madness to them; it’s more about taking care of yourself without needing a good reason to do so. Love is unconditional, which means that when we love someone, we don’t expect anything in return.
Love exceeds all expectations.
So you see, we don’t cry for her, we cry because there’s a gaping hole in our heart and we mistakenly thought she was going to fill it. We thought she was going to absorb all our chaos and wipe it out. We believed that she would fulfill our most wonderful and glorious wishes, fulfill our deepest dreams of self-realization and eternal joy.
Of course, some difficulty is expected in relationships, but not to this extent. I think it could be avoided altogether, that this angst and grief could be transcended, but first, we have to look inward and sort out our affairs.
How can we hope to have a healthy, balanced relationship if we are neither?
So let’s go inside and take a look at ourselves, honestly and objectively, and if we don’t like what we find, let’s change it.
We need to discover this feeling of wholeness and harmony within ourselves before we can realize it in our relationships.
We have to fend for ourselves if we are to have working relationships, and dig through our own psychic garbage and make sense of our own mind.
We can do this by investigating the nature of our own thoughts and trying to determine if they contain truth. Most of the time this is obviously not the case, because the mind is always in turmoil. Being able to look at our thoughts objectively is essential to induce a sense of inner balance.
Many of our thoughts are just negative patterns that are not based on anything real. If we can separate the real from the false in our own minds, then we are on the right path to mastering this life in all its facets.