For those who love while they are afraid, it seems like literally the hardest thing in the world to do. The conscious side, wide awake, says loving is the goal of life, but the other side says the majority of people deserve a medal for loving despite everything they’ve been through.
But what’s also, unless we’ve literally been living on a rock for ten years or so, is that we’ve all been through a lot and we can’t categorize our pain as one of the between us divorced or had a bad break-up or someone else was left at the altar, we all had a lot of grief.
What I don’t like to know is that we’re supposed to be heartbroken. We’re supposed to have relationships, we’re supposed to end a relationship while we still love the person and we’ll have those times when we’re really wondering if it’s worth trying again.
And then comes the really hard part even though we’re scared.
I think we can all be afraid of different things, some may be afraid of being hurt again, of making a mistake, of having to open up, of what others might think, of how it might work…
There are still a million reasons not to like, but what if this time it worked?
What if this time was really different, and if all previous relationships had been placed in your path as a stepping stone to that person you look in the eye who makes you want to believe in love again?
But doing this is not just a choice, but a million decisions every day, maybe at first, but maybe the truth is we will have to make choices until we know that this time is different. Sometimes we all seem to want instant gratification and know that we have our hands on a sure thing, but the truth is, it will take time for us to see and internalize these truths.
So, in the meantime, it’s making the choice to love, even if we are afraid.
We will not be able to drive the fear away or get rid of it completely, but we must also know that this feeling itself tells us that this person is already very important to us; this fear lets us know that maybe our hearts are already broken, and maybe this moment is different.
To love when we are afraid is to make a commitment to stay in the moment and to understand our feelings. This means that we will have to do the unthinkable and tell all our really scary thoughts to our new lover; not only scary, but also thoughts that we don’t even like to admit.
Being vulnerable is knowing that we are surrendering to the other person. Loving while we’re afraid of hurting ourselves again or not doing things is probably the bravest thing we can do.
I know what it takes to love with a heart that has been broken and love in such a way that there are no guarantees and sometimes it is a process that leaves our knees weak and our stomachs chaotic. There were times when I wanted to run away, just to forget, but eventually, I know that these behaviors not only don’t agree with the woman I’m becoming but they wouldn’t really help me. create the kind of partnership I want in my life.
Instead, I have to do whatever scares me.
I have to be honest, open, transparent, confident, and filled with love so that there is no room for fear, but if it creeps into my dreams at 2 a.m., I have to be strong enough to decide believe my fears or not.
And maybe it sounds too simple, but at the end of the day we both have two choices; believe in our fears or believe in our love.