I am way above the game we played.
I was craving love when we first met.
I needed tenderness. I needed your contact. You who are an expert in finding my weak points, you happily found my best luck and you stung it.
There was something in my eyes, you told me. Something that made you want me from day one. Yes, my need for love was obvious. It matched yours perfectly.
I needed love, and you needed to torture someone with crumbs of attention.
Every day, like a hungry dog, I drank your words of worship like whey. One word at a time, then you backed up. Then another, and yet another, as I crawled and drank your words and begged just for another well-timed crumb.
You would whisper to me “you are so beautiful”. So when you needed something, you would talk to me, nibble on my ear.
“Just give me that. Show me how much you love me honey. No one needs to know what we are doing. ”
A little pat, a friendly slap, really. Your words were like a drug to me, I was the junkie you loved to watch go into a coma.
No one will love you this way
No one will want you that way.
And I thought what everyone had was boring. That if I didn’t have what we had, I would die having had a mediocre life.
I wanted to believe that you really needed me. I made you angry. I disappointed you. I could have done better. I could have tried harder.
I saw your weakness only when we made love, it was the only time you were vulnerable. And I was nourished by these only moments of true intimacy between us.
It’s the only time you’ve been really open, but you closed your eyes as soon as you could, when I begged you to look at me.
My love, I no longer need this heroine you spread.
I don’t want to swim in your cold dark river anymore.
I don’t want your false promises anymore.
You will hate me when I tell you this.
You will try to win me back, in any way you know how.
But I don’t need your passion anymore. I gave up mining for the treasures in your soul. They are too deep for the tools I know how to use.
I met a new person.
I found love in an unlikely place.
With a charming, kind, intelligent, and caring person.
My passion is now driven by a love that you cannot fight against.
I can now say to the next man who wants me: Love me or leave me, but don’t treat me like less than nothing.
I learned this from my new meeting.
I found my new love wrapped in boxes on the highest shelf in the cupboard of your madness. Little by little, when you weren’t looking, I was unpacking forgotten treasures.
I discovered my soul mate wrapped in disintegrated cloth, just in time.
Don’t be so surprised and dismissive. You couldn’t understand.
Yes, I found myself.