Most relationships usually start with butterflies in the stomach.
All is well in the best of all possible worlds. You always agree with the other and you compromise. But once the “honeymoon phase” of the relationship is over, you start to convey your perspective, your differences, and your individual personality.
It is then that you experience a fluctuation in the harmony of the union. Your relationship is tested. If you can have healthy arguments, you can really learn from your partner.
Argument is a major form of communication.
It shows individualism, different points of view and the ability to learn from each other. Arguments don’t necessarily indicate that there are problems in a relationship. Psychiatrist Gail Saltz explains that having a good fight requires skills that come with time. Here are five of his tips:
* Don’t insist on being right
* Speak whenever you feel angry
* Stick to the subject
* Don’t say something you’ll regret
WHY COUPLES THAT ARGUE LOVE EACH OTHER
The argument does not determine that a relationship suffers. Having arguments can effectively indicate that two people have their own individual ideas and opinions. They can put them on the table and share them in a healthy way. Relationships that aren’t arguing can be fraught with tension, as neither partner wants to share their thoughts so as not to hurt each other.
They can bottle anything. Lack of debate can also be expressed as a lack of commitment in the relationship. There may be a trust issue. Perhaps you need to ask yourself the following questions:
How engaged are you if you can express your own ideas?
Are you afraid to cross the line? In your relationship, can you really be your authentic self? Are you afraid to talk about your ideas and opinions?
Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, shared on Psychology Today, seven ingredients for a healthy and happy relationship, and arguing is one of them. She goes on to explain, “I have never seen a healthy couple who did not argue. They never fight, but they argue. If a couple walks into my office and tells me they’ve never had an argument, something is wrong.
You can argue without fighting. Arguing doesn’t mean fighting, you and your partner state your views without raising your voice.
Sometimes you agree to disagree, and that’s okay.
Determine what your “non-negotiable” things are, the things you won’t budge on. Now rethink this list.
There will always be challenges and conflicts in a relationship. People want to be heard and understood, to follow their passions and to be recognized for who they are. Couples who argue express their desire to be heard. When this is done constructively, they don’t fight. They express their needs. And happy couples listen to each other. In a moment of deep discussion. They will remain in their positions and this is a sign of mutual respect. You can respect and show vulnerability.
There is a difference between having an angry argument and truly expressing your thoughts in a relationship. You learn to choose your battles. You begin to understand the things that are important to debate and what you just need to let go. Author and speaker Elizabeth Gilbert puts it very well:
“You can measure the happiness of a marriage by the number of scars each partner has on their tongue, won by years of harsh words.”
Staying calm isn’t always a holistic or healthy way to build trust in a relationship. Being submissive is not an act of bravery. It is an act of vowing to please another while feeling like a martyr at the end. Therefore, a relationship of trust and love can be argued without being angry. They can show different sides to a problem.
Couples who argue also tend to be passionate. Some couples like to reconcile under the covers after an intense argument. They thrive on this emotional roller coaster ride that raises their hormones and blood pressure.
Relationship expert Pam Spurr agrees:
“The way you argue says a lot about a relationship. The wise couple recognize this and keep an eye on how they treat each other for disagreements. Subconsciously, quarrels show that you care about each other, even if during quarrels you feel annoyed by your partner. For example, it shows that you want your partner to stop drinking and take care of their health.
Mutual respect, love, compromise, compassion, and trust are important factors in a healthy relationship. Like everything in life, it’s all about moderation. You never want to insult or disrespect a loved one.
You can say whatever you want so that both parties can listen. When you are genuine in a relationship, you can always share what you believe in. It all depends on how you present it.