How to love a person

I’m not talking about the love that leaves us speechless with hormone-infused and socially projected chemical reactions that we’re doing something right. I’m not talking about the love that takes us away from where we started, but what brings us together and what lets us know who we are.

Not explosions of passion that drive us to madness. Not the false pretenses that we fall under believing that we can never survive without someone, not the love we hold on to for the sake of self. 

Not the feeling that leads us to obsessive and compulsive attachment to someone, but the love that overwhelms us.

I’m talking about loving someone sincerely. 

I love the funny little things about them. Reassure them. Let your time together be an experience, not a chore or a staple proving your worth. Love itself is not an unpleasant and manipulative thing, but we do become unpleasant, manipulating people when we hold onto the kind of love that we falsely believe is the only way to experience that sense of worth.

You have to love someone for who they are, who they were, and who they have the potential to become, even if you don’t always love all of those different people. Even if you don’t agree with what they did. Even if you are not sure where they are going. Love them because their soul deserves to be loved. Touch them deep inside them and make them feel. Show them the unhealed parts of themselves, and hold their hands as they begin the journey to accept them.

We think of love as if we are destined for happiness forever.

And that it was just a matter of finding someone else to give it to us. Luckily forever will be infiltrated with disease, death, suffering, sadness, but also great achievement, excitement, adventure, and growth. 

Love is the person you want to be next to your parents’ funeral, and who you want to spend your summer vacation with. This is not the person who puts you first. This is the person who talks to your soul without speaking at all. You don’t know why you love this person, you love him that’s all. Love without reason and love without condition is what we are looking for.

People don’t come into your life to fill a role and give you happy days with flawless execution and tireless dedication. Love is a constantly fluid, understanding, and patient balance between two people who mutually recognize something deeper than what they see in others. Learn to see love with your soul, not your heart, and also give it from your soul.

Love someone with the same indulgent, honest, and vulnerable cruelty that makes you lose your breath a little. Love someone because they challenge you and make you want to be better. Love someone because their soul inspires you, not because you’re interested in the relief from loneliness and companionship that they can offer. Everyone can do it. Not everyone can show it to yourself.