When we are shy or withdrawn people, becoming more sociable can be a challenge. You have probably already been told thousands and thousands of times that you have more confidence in yourself and that you try to make more friends.
But that really hasn’t helped you much, right? Here are some really useful tips to help you achieve your goal of being a more social person:
1. Be nice to others
This is the most essential thing to transform yourself into a more sociable person. Exactly the same term antisocial speaks to us of someone who is not capable of sympathizing or doing anything good for others.
Maybe your personality is very shy or it is not especially inclined to do favors for others, but it is essential that we learn to overcome the barriers of grief and laziness so that we begin to offer others a better version of ourselves.
Affability can range from smiling, offering coffee, or assisting someone who has just collapsed to get up. The positive response of people to your affability will make you gain enough confidence to be more sociable day by day.
2. Start conversations with new people
We know that being in a place full of strangers is a nightmare for people who are not very sociable. Much less when you know absolutely no one or when the people you know are busy with something else. It is the usual case of going to a relative’s wedding and not knowing anyone at all.
However, there are 2 ways of looking at this situation. One is that way that will hold you glued to your chair all night longing for the event to end. And the other is the one that makes you see the event as a huge opportunity to meet someone new.
If you are not concentrating your attention on trying to be inconspicuous, you will realize that there is probably one or two other people who feel a bit out of place and would appreciate it, just as, if someone came over to talk for a while.
3. Use your anatomical language to teach interest
When we are withdrawn, sometimes we have a hard time using our anatomical language properly and we continue somewhat stiff and still. Although this is an attempt not to attract much attention, people may interpret it as a lack of interest or motivation on your part.
Try to appear more relaxed and don’t be afraid to smile, look people in the eye, and lean slightly toward them when they speak to you.
Nodding slightly every time the other person affirms something relevant, proves that we are actively listening to them and predisposes them to have a better image of us.
4. Respond to people’s attempts to get closer to you
Just as talking to someone new can be really difficult for some, it is very common for the other side of the coin to happen, that is, when someone wants to break the ice with us, we do not know how to react.
Far from appreciating being rude, we simply are not clear on what the other person expects of us and we fear getting confused. But this generally discourages our interlocutor and makes him feel that we are not interested.
To avoid this, always and at all times use positive anatomical language, that is, smile, keep your arms relaxed and look the other person in the eye. If you feel uncomfortable talking a lot about yourself, apply the trick of focusing your attention on the other through personable questions.
5. Learn to laugh
They say that laughter is the best social lubricant. In truth, the sense of humor begins with learning to laugh with a little more ease.
Sometimes withdrawn people do not laugh because they feel a bit sad and do not want to attract attention, but learning to laugh without fear is a great way to start making your jokes and comments entertaining.
Laughing when someone says something funny is a good way to start to integrate more actively into the conversations and tell others that you are open and free.
Just try to laugh at the convenient moments because sometimes laughing at certain things, such as someone stumbling, is not the best thing to do.
There is a twist in the way you think about friendship that can dramatically reduce the effort it takes to build a social circle.
The point is to move from focusing on individual friends to focusing on sets of friendships. As you make friends, quickly introduce them to each other to start building bigger ensembles.
It’s considerably easier than having to socialize with a bunch of people who don’t know each other.
It seems like a very small change because it has the ability to enhance your social life the moment you put it into practice. When you have friends who know and get along with each other, your social circle expands faster.
The people you know begin to make plans with the rest and those plans will probably have to do with you or at least they will contemplate you.
So do not forget to be always and in all circumstances aware of the connections that you can promote between the people and the friends you meet. In addition to this, that gives you the reference of being a very personable person.
Exercising is one thing that can help us in many different ways to be more sociable. First of all, exercise fills you with energy, which you can use to be more active in your circle of people.
Second, the exercise offers us self-confidence, and we all know that this is the key to being sociable and moving affirmatively in each and every situation.
Third, exercising always and in all circumstances will give you something in common with other people who also take care of their health. So whether it gives you a topic of conversation or you meet similar people in any kind of sports discipline.
Just pick the activity that you like best and make it a part of your weekly routine.
8. Look at people’s hopes
Different people make friends in different ways. Some are only interested in developing close friendships, while others are happy to have a lot of casual friends as well.
There are also people who do not feel very comfortable with friendships that are too narrow and do better in the field of the superficial or in any case of the rigorously familiar.
Close and deep friendships take longer to form than casual friendships. When you know this, you begin to pay attention to the way other people prefer to relate to others, so that you can approach on that level and make the other feel comfortable with you.
You can meet many great people, but it will be difficult to make friends with them if they do not have a compatible friendship style.
9. Dare to ask
They say that by asking you get to Rome, or at least, you get to have a good talk.
Asking others questions can be particularly difficult if we are very shy or withdrawn because when we have not exercised our social skills, we are all the time afraid of being confused.
It is just as if you stood in front of some gymnastic bars and they asked you to do a double backflip without ever having practiced that sport.
You have that certainty that you will make a huge mistake. Fortunately, you can also build skills little by starting with very basic questions.
Those that are infallible are open questions that focus attention on the other person and do not touch on intimate topics: What music do you like? What genre of literature do you like? What is your job? Have pets? Among many others.
10. Say what you think when it is something positive
We all want to become that person who is so sure and confident that he can say everything he thinks, positive or negative, and still, in this way continue to be loved and admired by others.
The best way to start is to let your positive thoughts out with the rest. Don’t be afraid to compliment people on occasion.
Remember that the best compliments are those we get through our performance, so if someone close to you puts a lot of effort into a job, they will gladly receive that token of recognition that you have for him or her.
11. Be positive and optimistic
People are always and in all circumstances most attracted to individuals who are optimistic and positive. This is because they radiate positive energy to others and make them feel more comfortable.
To learn to be more sociable, it is essential to make a conscious effort to be able to see things from a certain more flattering point of view.
If you realize that you are someone who is easily carried away by fatalism, don’t worry, just stop for a moment and try to bring out the good in each situation and focus on that. You are going to learn little by little to do it until the moment when it is something that you do naturally.
When we are shy, our primal instinct does not lead us to socialize, as is the case with extroverts.
So in this sense, if you want to become more sociable, you need to be proactive and establish two conditions that will help you to be considerably more sociable without needing to think too much about it.
A great way to do this is to use social rituals to your advantage. A weekly ritual that forces you to spend at least a few hours with your social circle and that also lets you meet new people.
Think of it like any other scheduled activity on your calendar. How to pay the receipts or go shopping.
It can even be a fixed day for you to visit a social club, happy hour at a bar, or at least make two calls and send certain messages to stay in touch with the planet.
At the same time, what begins as a social ritual to motivate you to be in contact with people, can be transformed into true passion and learning.
Chess, sports, or even volunteering are a great framework to build confidence, acquire new skills, and meet amazing people at the same time.
13. Be grateful for what you have
Before you can learn to be more sociable, you need to feel comfortable with who you are and be grateful for what you have.
Think about each and every one of the good things you have in your life, it can be your family, your friends, your house, your pets, your career, or your resources.
Many times we lose sight of how grateful we are, but when we re-estimate it, that gives us enormous motivation to feel better about ourselves and gain a little more confidence.
14. Promote the friendships you have
Sometimes friendships simply don’t take hold due to a lack of follow-through. They may have met at a celebration or assembly and their interests are compatible.
But if they are too shy perhaps they will never send that text message or they will make that call to see each other again and continue the friendship.
Therefore, it is essential that you take the responsibility of watering the flowers of friendship with a little interest.
In addition, it is essential that you do not allow the friends you have to slowly fade from lack of contact.
15. Do your best to attract new people and make them feel included
If you are in a situation with multiple friends of many years and there is a new person in the group, you can be sure that they are at least somewhat restless and worried about fitting in.
So be personable and take the time to talk to her a bit and make her feel welcome, just as you would have liked.
Try to integrate it into the whole outside of the situation with some invitation to future activity. In this way, you will achieve a grateful friend and at the same time, you will expand your social context somewhat.
Without mentioning that assisting someone to integrate will give you more confidence to integrate yourself into new situations.
16. Make sure people are having a good time
Inject a bit of enthusiasm and energy into your social interactions so that everyone feels enjoyable and there is never enough to taste. Just try not to fall into the opposite extreme as that can also annoy people.
It’s just about having the initiative to do new things and being the first to dare to step forward. To put on the table talk topics on which everyone can contribute or approach those who seem apart and also invite them to join the group.
There are many things you can do in order for the rest to have a better time, and you will discover that doing it is quite easy and will help you build confidence in yourself.
We all know how to identify the shy or withdrawn boy by the fact that as a general rule he is the one who keeps a very marked physical distance from the group. It is the one that stays behind if a group goes out for a walk, or stays inside when all the others are out.
If you’re at work and everyone is out for lunch that day, get out there too. If everyone meets for morning coffee at a certain point in the office, visit that spot as well.
If you are at a celebration and the whole planet is focused on the garden, go to the garden as well.
Show that you are interested in spending time with the people around you. And the moment you are close to them, join in whatever they are doing without shame.
18. Spend more time with people
Spend time with people more often and for longer periods of time. For withdrawn or shy people, this is equivalent to an endurance exercise as they are worn out with great speed when surrounded by other people.
But don’t just “do a social pushup” and walk away. Try to produce resistance and each time take your social skills there a little more, just as an athlete would do in his discipline.
The trick is to learn to notice the signs of others. When we are not very busy or have anything urgent pending, people really enjoy spending a large part of our time in social activities or leisure.
So don’t be afraid to ask if you are interrupting and if they say no, dedicate yourself to a good social training session.
19. Invite other people to do new things
Dare to be the one who invites other people out instead of sitting around waiting for a treat. If you are not sure how to invite a particular person, you can make things much easier by organizing assemblies or expeditions with friends.
Nowadays, social networks help us a lot to organize events of this kind, which can range from a gotcha meeting with colleagues from the office to a spa session with swimming friends.
The possibilities are endless and in addition to this, this is how you sustain yourself by doing new and interesting things.
There is also the alternative option of offering dinner or roast meat at your home. If you have the means and you feel comfortable, inviting your acquaintances is a great way to make them feel essential and to create knots between them so that your social group is consolidated and strengthened.
20. Think consciously about your body posture
If you are someone who is very shy and who finds it difficult to make friends, it is very possible that you consciously or unconsciously estimate that a planet is a hostile place and that you must protect yourself from it, and this is reflected in your anatomical posture.
Maybe we can’t change the way we interpret the planet overnight, especially if we’ve been a certain way for a long time.
What we can do is become aware of our anatomical language and begin to use it in our favor, in such a way that people do not see us withdrawn and defensive, but rather friendly and open to the planet.