Who should pay the dates: you, me or Go Dutch

Who should pay for an appointment? Should the boy pay for the date or should the woman split the bill with him?

Well, if you’re going on a date, you’re basically looking forward to a fun, interesting, and fantastic time, you don’t have to worry about expenses or who pays the bill. If a guy invites you out on a date, it automatically becomes his responsibility to make sure you have a good time by planning and coordinating all the date activities, including paying for the date – after all, he’s the person who’s interested in meeting and spending time with you.

On the other hand, if the lady is responsible for asking a man on a date, although she will probably pay the bill, it is important that the man at least offers, doing so will show her your intentions and that you are quite serious with her.

The etiquette and rules for paying dates

Well, the truth is that paying for a date can be a bit awkward, especially when the waiter is dropping the bill in the middle of an interesting conversation. Sometimes I silently wish the bill was paid when I was in the bathroom or something, especially if the guy was the one who asked for the date. Although there are no mandatory rules about who should and should not pay for a date, basically everything is done as a form of courtesy to show the other person how important they are.

The following are 3 important rules about who pays for an appointment.

1. Applicant must pay

If you are the one asking or inviting someone on a date, you will definitely be the one to pay. When you ask a guy or a woman out on a date, you’re basically trying to get to know them better and enjoy their company, you don’t want them to stress out about paying for the date. As the appointment starter, you are responsible for making sure your appointment is taken care of.

Think of it as hosting. If you’re a host, you’ll likely cover food and beverage expenses while your guests enjoy themselves. What the guest brings to offer as a gift or a request to contribute are all gestures that are appreciated but not required.

2. The person who earns the most money can start

Although you can’t ask or know how much money your date is making on your first (awkward) date, on the next date, after getting to know each other well, the person who makes the most money can offer to pay for the date.

If you are the person who makes the most money, clearly communicate that this is something you don’t mind doing, and in exchange, your date can take care of smaller items like desserts or a cup of coffee. Don’t make it a one-sided payment and be sensitive to whether your appointment feels a sense of inadequacy due to the lack of covering the bill.

If you are the person who does the least, be grateful for the gesture offered but do not demand or insist on your date to pay. Rule one still applies!

Pay to neckline

Sometimes not all dates are formal, some dates are so simple, just a few drinks or a coffee in the morning. By having such a casual date, both of you can decide to pay the bill by dividing it in half.

Being Dutch is great for matchmaking meetings (for example, a friend decided to host a reunion for the two of us, when no one really started this) and the chemistry between them is cold to lukewarm. If it is an encounter with love, at first sight, express your interest by paying the bill!

When women pay on a first date

Most people find it strange when a woman pays for a date, but in the real sense, if she was the date requestor, it automatically becomes her responsibility to pay the bill. Although most guys will not allow that to happen, it should not be viewed as a negative.

Some women will gladly pay for the date because they don’t want to feel guilty about letting a man spend so much on them, especially on a first date when they are meeting. And others insist on paying just to give them a sense of independence, if you notice that paying the bills makes her happy, then don’t push too hard and let her do whatever she wants.

When men pay on a first date

First of all, if you are interested in a lady and you think there is a good chance that she is also interested, then it will be your sole responsibility to ask her out, although women are naturally in touch with your feelings. We can all agree that a man is more likely to ask a lady out first. Covering the bill on the first, second, or even third date, especially if he initiated the date, is not outrageous. Letting that not make you a bad person, men like to drive women crazy and allowing them to pay the bill makes them feel very important and appreciated. Whether it’s a casual, formal, or casual date, he’s trying to win your heart, and paying the bill is definitely one of the many ways he can score points with you.

Second, when he insists on paying for the date, don’t drag too much, you may be financially independent and want to show him how successful you are, but you should put your pride aside and let him treat you.

Third, when your date is likely to make more money compared to you, they may offer to pay the bill and save you from splitting it up or stressing about expenses. He wants you to be the happiest during that time and worrying about money is not good.

Who should pay for dates as a couple?

The invention of modern dating apps and social platforms has made dating a bit easier. Once you find someone you are interested in, the next step is to ask them out on a date. It sounds easy, right? Well sometimes it doesn’t cause, aside from the emotional connection, finances also have a way of coming between you and that perfect one.

Traditionally, paying for a date has long been the responsibility of a man or whoever asked for it. But now that the world is progressively changing, some women will prefer to pay their expenses themselves, especially since they don’t want to feel guilty about allowing a man to spend money on them, especially if it is the first date. While others may not have a problem enjoying a totally free meal, sometimes allowing one person to spend so much on you, especially if you are not interested in them, can be a bit unfair.

For me, the issue of who pays for an appointment is entirely up to the initiator of the appointment. The person who requested the date, be it the man or the lady, must express whether to pay the bill or go to the Dutch. As the questioner, you can send a clear signal about your level of interest towards your date, and as a date, you will know if the questioner is interested in you.

How to offer to pay the date without offending the other party?

Well, I think we have all gone through that awkward moment when the bill is placed right in front of you on the table, at that moment many thoughts may be running through our minds, especially because you want to see how the other person reacts. Well, I think that settling the bill at the end of the date itself is an interesting part of the date, this crucial moment can break or make your new relationship. It’s not that money is the biggest deciding factor on how well the date went, but it can have an effect on how you both judge and don’t determine each other.

If you want to pay for a date without offending the other party, there are 2 methods you can use to make your date feel extremely special while on a date with you;

1. Pay the bill without him or her knowing

Well, women always find an excuse to go to the bathroom. If that happens, you can take that opportunity to pay for the date without her noticing or vice versa. It will be very nice of the man to relieve the woman of the stress of having to deal with the tension that arises from touching the eyelashes. As a woman, you can always excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, but you actually go to the cash counter to pay the bills!

2. Pay the bill cheerfully and courteously

Sometimes even when the date initiator is paying the bill, you may find out what their true feelings and intentions are by their facial expression, body language, or the way they speak. Some may go to the extreme of making derisive comments “like don’t worry, there’s no need to pretend” exactly when you reach for your wallet, I’m sure that will end the date, comments like this are hurtful and can damage the potential of the relationship. It is very important to be polite and attentive to the other person’s feelings at all times.


At the end of the day, dating should be about learning and discovering more about a love interest. It gives a mixed feeling when the author of the quote, especially if it is on the first date, hesitates to choose the account.

Your date should feel important and paying the bill will not be a factor in preventing both of you from having a great time. Communication is key. If your date insists on splitting the bill with you, always politely let her know what your true intentions are. It is always nice if the questioner always takes responsibility for paying the date, but in case he is not in the financial position to do so, the other partner should be understanding.