Learn to be more charming
Yes, unfortunately, we all know unpleasant people. Maybe you know a co-worker who insists on being negative about everyone and everything, even when you remind him that Gossip Girl, one of the best shows ever, is now available on Netflix. Or maybe you know (or have had) a grumpy teacher, the kind of bitter old man who never smiles, reeks of stale coffee and insists on laughing at you as he assigns you another Dickens novel the size of a car battery. (Wait, wait, I’m having an unpleasant memory of the 11th grade English class, okay, sorry, now I’m better). What I’m talking about? Charmless people, that’s what I’m talking about. People that, for the most part, we would all like to avoid. But thank goodness there are so many lovely people in the world. People who smile, are kind to others and listen when you speak, and don’t let their eyes roam the room because there may be someone more important (or charming) to chat with. These are the lovely men and women we all want to be with, but make no mistake – they weren’t born insanely lovely, they worked at it. And now, with these 15 simple tips, you too can be more charming. Read on to learn more. With these 15 simple tips, you too can be more charming. Read on to learn more. With these 15 simple tips, you too can be more charming. Read on to learn more.
Eye contact is crucial
1. Make good eye contact
Good eye contact just shows that you are engaged and listening, pure and simple. Also, we all know that the eyes are the windows to the soul, so how can you really connect with someone if you are looking at your iPhone or around the room instead of looking into someone’s eyes? Here’s a little homework. The next time you’re around someone you find charming, watch him or her talk to someone else. My bet is that this person is making good eye contact.
2. Be happy to meet someone new
For better or for worse, personality counts, and it’s an outgoing world. This maxim is valid both in business/work environments and in social circles, so if you want to be more charming, you should do your best to try to meet new people. And when you meet a new acquaintance, remember to smile and show interest in him or her. Never forget the tired (but totally true) cliché: “Interested is interesting.” That is, if you are genuinely interested in other people, you will be perceived as charming. Also, even if you are an introvert like me, you will find yourself having a better time interacting with others.
Good listeners are lovely
3. Listen, really listen
With the speed of technology and our hectic everyday lives, listening has become a highly underrated skill. One of my biggest hobbies is people who constantly interrupt others when they are talking. It drives me completely crazy. On the other hand, people who listen carefully, don’t interrupt, and respond thoughtfully is more personable, not to mention charming. The next time you are with a group of friends, try this exercise that I recently started doing. When someone is speaking to you, deliberately clear your mind of all thoughts and images, and focus on what the person is saying. You will be surprised how much information you retain when you are not just waiting your turn to speak. A good listener = very charming, especially in a cute boy,
4. Reach out to touch someone, appropriately
People who are skilled communicators know how powerful touch can be, particularly in a work environment. Charming people, who, by coincidence, are often good bosses, will find a way to touch your arm or shoulder during the course of a conversation. This is to establish appropriate intimacy and to let you, the speaker, know that you are being heard. This technique works in the dating scene too – when you’re talking to an interesting guy, lean forward and touch his forearm to let him know you’re interested. Touch: it is very powerful. And, those who use it appropriately are considered charming.
With compliments, be honest, always
5. Give sincere compliments
We all know passive-aggressive and/or fake people throwing fake or fake compliments from left to right. These compliments have no real meaning or feeling, and we don’t like the people who give them, do we? However, people looking for opportunities to offer genuine praise are charming and engaging, so follow their lead. Just remember to be honest. If you really don’t believe what you are about to say, then don’t say it.
6. Be courteous
It’s easy, but it’s worth remembering and living – good manners cost you nothing. Lovely people, I assure you, never forget that saying. It seems obvious, but you should always be courteous and understanding, no matter where you are. Oh, and if you really want to know if you’re a new guy who deserves your affections, pay close attention to how he treats people who are sadly sometimes marginalized as waiters and waitresses, or housewives. If your guy doesn’t think these people, who do important but thankless jobs, aren’t worth being polite, then he may not be the one for you… and he’s certainly not charming.
7. Ask interesting and open questions
Asking questions is the best way to get to know someone. Asking questions is also the best way to develop a closer relationship, solve a problem at work or with a friend, and show your interest in a potential boyfriend or girlfriend. And while yes or no questions are perfectly fine, open-ended questions – that is, questions that require more than a simple one-word answer – are a tool often used by charming people. Simply put, we love men and women who can help us converse. Also always remember that the best way to get involved on a personal level is to get someone to talk about themselves. Another tactic of lovely people.
8. Be self-critical
Fact: It is an extremely charming (and attractive) personality trait when a confident person can laugh at themselves. So, of course, have a little fun. You spill some coffee on your blouse, you make a joke about it. You lock the keys in your car, just laugh. Charmers never take themselves too seriously. But be careful: don’t become the butt of jokes too often, or you may be perceived as having low self-esteem, which is definitely not charming. And if, God forbid, you suffer from low self-esteem, don’t be afraid to seek professional treatment. I know I did, and I’m so much happier, more confident, and according to my friends and family, so much more charming too!
9. Talk less
This can be difficult, especially for extroverts who simply thrive on being around people and have a lot to say. That said, charming people never monopolize or try to dominate conversations. Because they know that other people have interesting and clever things to say too, and it would be wise to be quiet for a moment and listen. Really, you would be surprised what people will tell you every time you stop and talk less. This is another powerful tool in the charming person’s arsenal.
Ditch the cell phone when chatting
10. Put the cell phone away
I could go on and on about this. As much as I love my iPhone and think of it as a trusted friend, I have learned to use it responsibly. It is an unpleasant habit, constantly looking at your cell phone during a conversation. Lovely people never do this. Charming people give their undivided attention to whoever is in front of them. Then when the opportunity presents itself, lovely people say, “How about a group selfie?”
In the fantastic movie Steel Magnolias, Dolly Parton, a musical icon and a charming woman, says, “Smile! Increase your face value! And it’s very true. People want to be around happy people and smiling only makes the smiling person and the people looking at them feel better. Lovely people tend to smile more, even when they’re not feeling their best, but here’s another secret: Sometimes if you force yourself to smile, you’ll start to feel better. So smile and be charming.
Putting other people at ease = charming
12. Help others feel more comfortable
A person with a good personality, who performs simple kindness for another person is very charming, not to mention very attractive. For example, a charming person might be at a party and notice that one of her friends is in the corner and obviously uncomfortable. So the lovely person will make it a point to go and talk to her friend, try to include her in whatever social activity is going on. Lovely people always know how to reassure others, regardless of the situation, so look for opportunities to help others feel more comfortable.
An easy. Lovely people consider other people’s feelings and thoughts, period. Charming people never behave rudely, even when the situation gets intense. So be nice and be more charming.
14. Show vulnerability
Obviously, this does not mean that you should talk about your devastating breakup or serious financial situation during a business meeting. That would be an unattractive side of your personality. But you should, when appropriate, lower your guard a bit and let people know that you are not perfect. Human beings tend to bond more through failure than success, so be a bit vulnerable like the loveliest people do.
15. Accept compliments
Another tough one for me, but important quality of lovely people: they know how to shut up and say “thank you” when congratulated. There is a false assumption that if you don’t immediately decline a compliment, you are immodest or conceited. Do not worry about that. Lovely people just graciously accept a compliment and move on. You should. Plus, actual compliments have meaning, and you’ll be able to see them at the moment.