The first step: should I text him or wait for him?

Should you take the first step and send them a text message?

“Send him a text message or not?” That’s the question. Are you looking at your phone and wondering if you should take the first step and text it? Is that the “correct” move? Are you going to scare him or annoy him? Is it exciting for him if you text him if you take the initiative and text him first? Many questions! And there is no clear answer. In fact, the answer is not so black and white. You will have to stop and really think about it.

The answer will depend on your circumstance or very special situation regarding your boy (or potential boy). For example, you met him last night and you really got along, exchanged numbers, and had a great night. Fast forward to the next day and you pick up your phone to see if he has texted you, but nothing!
You wait for the next day and still nothing. You may also be waiting for a text message from that guy you’ve been talking to for some time (aka crush), you talk on a regular basis, but lately nothing, not even a HEY!

Total frustration, because the point is that, regarding the person you like, you are not sure that they will respond to the text message. That’s total torture, waiting by the phone after leaving and texting her for no response!

It is totally normal to want to talk to him, obviously, you are in love with him and want to know more or just stay connected, so despite what your friends or some magazine articles may say, you should definitely take the first step and send him a text message. But, to really make things work for you, you can’t just text her with a simple Hey! or hello! (that won’t get you anywhere), you need to text to start the conversation. That way, you can make sure that the text message will actually reply to you. How can you do it? Here are some possible texts that you can use.

You can ask him a main question

It is always a good strategy to open up with a good question, in this case, try a question and you will definitely know the answer. For example, if you both like sports and there is a game you won’t be able to watch, text him asking about the score. Or maybe you’re both interested in reading, ask for a book recommendation. Those questions will text you back and you can continue from there.

Send him something about your last conversation

If you’ve spoken before, you may have a bit of a background on him and know his preferences in music or movies. You will impress him and show your interest by mentioning something he said in your last conversation, and you will also pique his interest. Something like, “You told me you like this artist, have you heard this song?”

Send him something sweet or cute

If this is your first time texting him, find something that makes him laugh or makes you think about him. A genuinely sweet thought will always be well received, even if things don’t progress from there, you will brighten their day. It should be a text message that is more flattering and gets him to respond to you. Maybe you met at a book club, you texted him something like “I just read a line from this new book I’m reading, it was so clever it reminded me of you.”

Send them a text message about a shared experience or interest

You want to start a conversation with the person you like, right? Well, texting him about a shared experience or interest is the most effective way to get a response from him. You can do some research through their social media to find common interests. For example, if you see on his Instagram that he attended the same concert as you, ask him what his favorite performance was or suggest a musical date to compare notes.

Should you text him first after a fight?

Fighting in a relationship is normal as long as it is healthy and each couple fights differently. The question here is what do you do after a fight? Does he make the first move and text you, and if he does, what should he say to get through the fight? The answer to the first question is yes, you should text him, but not right away. They both need time to calm down and reflect on the whys of the fight and how to get over it.

After a fight, you both may need to be alone, need some space, and that’s totally fine. This space is very much needed because it can help you regain all the positive vibe you lost due to the fight and it can help you gain perspective. You can clear your feelings and reduce defensiveness, it helps you regain balance.

It is recommended to keep the channels of conversation open after a fight (even if it was a big one). After the waiting time, the best way to stay connected is by sending text messages, it can return a state of normalcy to the relationship. It’s a good way to solve the problem of why you had that fight. As for what should I text you? Always look for positive messages, once his anger subsides don’t be afraid to text him and ask if you can have a civil conversation.

When, how, or what to say exactly, I will depend on you

After a breakup, should you text first?

So, you’re on your couch watching the most recent season of your favorite show and suddenly you have this uncontrollable urge to text your ex because you used to watch this together and you miss him. Your fingers are on your phone, on the text string and you are actually working out what your message is going to say.

We get it, there are many reasons why you want to text him first, but stop and listen, this could be a very bad idea. After a breakup, you and him need a no-contact space that you must respect and enforce because you need to heal from whatever it is that you have separated. Therefore, we recommend that you put down your phone and do not text her first. Remember that you broke up for a reason.

To help you with your struggle between picking up the phone and putting it back down so that you can avoid the temptation to text her, here is a guide to situations where you need to abstain and not text her.

When you feel nostalgic

There are a number of things that remind you of him, a song, a movie, a perfume, a phrase, and the list can go on. All of these things can trigger happy memories you had with your ex, and when nostalgia hits you, you’ll feel compelled to text her. It’s easy to remember the good times, but don’t forget the bad ones too. And talking to him about all the good memories is unhealthy because it doesn’t allow you (and him) to move on. So the next time nostalgia hits you, acknowledge it and how you feel about it, but don’t text it.

When you hear that he is dating someone new

We know it’s a very difficult pill to swallow and your first instinct is to text him just to remind him of your existence. However, you must resist the temptation, it could hamper your new relationship and it may prevent you from moving on so that you can find someone new as well. That should be your focus, so put your phone down.

When he has asked you not to contact him

You must respect his wishes, he has asked you not to contact him for a reason, to be proactive and listen to him. Again, respect those limits, that should be your move, not making any moves at all.

When you feel lonely

Loneliness is such a powerful feeling and a bad counselor, don’t listen to it and don’t text him. We get it, feeling lonely can be scary because you may think that you won’t find anyone else and just the thought of putting yourself back there seems like an impossible task, but you will succeed.

I made the first move again: is it good or bad?

The best question here would be why did you take the first step again? Didn’t he answer you on your first try? Were you eager to know what was going on? The good or the bad of the situation will depend on the type of relationship you have with this boy.

First, stop to think of all the possible reasons why he is not responding to your first move. You may not have made the text interesting enough to make him upset. It may be that he is busy at work, with friends, or on another date (there are many possibilities here). Or it may be that he is simply not interested in you. Analyze your particular situation and then you will have your answer. In any case, you should know that texting a guy too many times before he texts you back won’t bode well for you. He will just ignore all your text messages and lose interest in you completely.

Give him reasons to be intrigued with you, use your text messages to hook him, and he will be forced to respond to you.


Taking the first step and texting him could lead to good things for you in regards to a romantic relationship, if you play your cards right and make the messages interesting and impossible for him not to reply.