Misconceptions about a disrespectful husband
Have you noticed that your husband has recently started to criticize everything he does or says? That no matter how small or big he is, he always finds mistakes and is never satisfied with, well, you? If your answer is yes to both questions, you have a very disrespectful husband on your hands. What made your husband become so selfish and disrespectful? It was always like this? Was it something you did or didn’t you do? Maybe you forgot to set some much-needed limits early on. Whatever the reason, you must do something about it.
First, to be clear, what is a disrespectful husband? You know that your husband no longer respects you if he treats you as if you are less important than him, and if he despises your feelings and your needs, they become secondary to his. Does it sound familiar to you?
Building and maintaining a healthy and lasting marriage is not easy, it takes more than love (love is basic, but if it waits for you in the long term, you will also need other foundations). A very important basis in marriage (and in all other relationships) is respect, without it, there is no association. These two fundamentals go hand in hand, there can be no love if there is no respect.
There is a misconception about respect in a marriage (or in any romantic relationship), some people believe it means controlling or satisfying all demands or subjugation. You could not be more wrong. Respect is synonymous with admiration. Admiration for each other. Respect also means having the ability to understand that you (as individuals) see things and life differently (and that’s totally fine). Respect is seeing the other person for what they are, for what they believe in, and accepting that without trying to mold them into “a better version” (depending on who you judge).
Respect is celebrating the differences of others and all that potential for growth without imposing the beliefs of others. Respect in marriage is having the ability to understand your spouse’s perspective, which is crucial to overcoming all the obstacles you will encounter on your way together.
Signs that he doesn’t respect you that you can’t ignore
1. He is not listening to you
We all need to vent, express our feelings to someone who is willing to listen to us. Being an active and attentive listener is a must in a relationship (especially a marriage). If your husband is not listening, if he is doing it wrong, he is not respecting him. They don’t give you their full attention when you need it most.
Showing respect means paying attention when you speak to him, whether it’s to tell him about your day or to express your anger or frustration over a problem with the marriage. Of course, he may be tired at times and may need some time to relax before you can have his full attention, but if it becomes routine, then you have your first sign.
2. He is not being honest
Honesty and openness are the building blocks of a healthy marriage, so if dishonesty creeps in (even when it comes to small things), then it doesn’t show you respect. Sometimes a white lie is “necessary” to avoid the feelings of someone you love, but that could be the beginning. It doesn’t matter if it’s a white lie or if it’s something bigger like cheating, if he’s not honest about the things he says or does, he’s disrespecting you. He somehow feels that you have no right to know the truth. A big sign that he doesn’t respect you.
3. Compares you to other women
Another sign that she is showing disrespect is comparing herself to her ex, a co-worker, or her mother… It is not okay to make yourself feel like you have to compete for their attention against other women. It is true that being in love does not leave you blind, you can still look and appreciate beauty, what is not acceptable is that I say something to your face like “how attractive or beautiful is that woman sitting there”. That will make you feel bad (no matter how confident you are). If he doesn’t realize that saying those things makes you feel bad, then he has no idea what respect means. You should be their number one.
4. You are not his priority
If he truly respects you, he will also respect your time and prioritize the time he spends with you. When your husband doesn’t mind making or keeping plans with you, then he shows no respect for you. Do you spend more time with your friends or at work? If that’s the case, it could be that you’re no longer their priority.
Another sign of disrespect is being late for dates or social events you attend together, which shows the mayor’s disrespect for your time.
5. He never supports you
Friendship is basic in a marriage. He supports his friend in good and bad times, with the marriage he made that vow. If you are not keeping that vow, you are not showing respect for yourself or your marriage. If your husband never takes your side (even if you are not completely right), if he thinks that you are always wrong, if he believes that you are not smart or trustworthy enough to handle difficult situations, then you are married to a disrespectful husband.
6. Doesn’t respect your family
It’s not fun spending time with all the families, but if your marriage is healthy, you should both support each other by attending family reunions as a team. If he leaves you to go to family gatherings alone, he doesn’t show you respect, especially if he doesn’t have a good reason not to attend. He is not caring enough to “bother” himself for a couple of hours.
7. Is ignoring your limits
If you want a healthy marriage, you will have to set and respect each other’s boundaries. When your husband constantly ignores or tramples on your limits, he doesn’t respect you. All behaviors that reflect a lack of boundaries, for example, invading your personal space, are disrespectful. If you’ve told him that you don’t like the way he grabs you when you’re being intimate and he just ignores it and keeps doing it, that’s a huge red flag that he doesn’t respect you.
What can you do to reset the boundaries and prevent them from being disrespectful?
Respect in marriage is essential for everything to go well. If a part of the couple (in this case, her husband) is not fulfilling that vow, then you need to address it immediately because if you do not, your marriage could become a battlefield where you no longer feel appreciated and where a lot of painful things are happening.
Maybe when things started between the two of you, the amount of respect in the marriage was equal, but as time went on things started to change and now he is showing all these signs of disrespect towards you. What caused this change? How do you regain that respect so that your marriage can take a direction in which both of you are happy and feel respected?
Here are some things you can do to avoid being disrespectful.
Don’t forget you have a voice, so use it. Maybe he has not realized that he is being disrespectful, if that is the case, you should tell him. Let him know that you don’t care about his latest behavior, that he is not keeping his promise to respect you, and that he should stop it. Give him clear examples of his lack of respect for you so he knows exactly what you’re talking about.
9. Review or set new limits
If you didn’t set any limits at the beginning of your marriage, you should set them now. A limit is set so that each of you knows what is acceptable and what is not, behaviorally, within your marriage. If you’ve forgotten or decided to ignore those boundaries, now is the time to review them together and tell him to refrain from crossing that line. Enforce your limits and fight hard to maintain them.
10. Follow the golden rule
“Treat others as you like to be treated.” You can earn his respect or restore the lost balance by treating him with respect. Try this first, give it respect and consideration, and see how it turns out.
11. Say what you want to say
If you don’t want to lose your husband’s respect or if you want to get it back, then you must keep your word. Saying something and then doing the opposite, or doing nothing at all, is a quick and safe way to lose respect. So if you tell him that the next time he disrespects you, there will be repercussions, but when the time comes for you to do nothing, he will not take you seriously.
12. Respect yourself and don’t settle
Remember that respect begins with yourself. Take some time to think about this, have you been treating yourself well? Show him how you like to be treated by treating yourself well.
A confident woman knows what she deserves. If your husband still thinks that he can get away with it and that you will tolerate it (after you’ve talked to him about respect), don’t be afraid to walk away. You don’t have to settle for a marriage where your wants and needs will be ignored.
Marriage is a partnership between two friends who respect each other because they love each other. If your husband shows any of the signs we talked about earlier, then you know for sure that he is not respecting you. To make things better, you need to take advantage of the situation so that you can take some steps to restore the balance of respect in your marriage.