Every relationship ends in a different way.
Some people go their separate ways and don’t communicate again for years, while others try to make things work.
The relationship could end on good terms, because there is still a lot of appreciation, or perhaps for the good of their children or because they care about each other.
It may have been difficult for you to move on. Surely you have tried to forget it, but your ex continues to haunt your thoughts.
You want him to come back, but you don’t know if it’s the best.
You feel like you can’t find the right words to say when you talk to him.
Is it a good idea to try to talk to someone you’re still romantically interested in over text?
Here’s everything you need to know and ask before sending him a message.
8 things you should know before talking to your ex and trying to get him back
1) Go back to the reasons for your separation
There are many factors that can make you question the possibility of sending a WhatsApp to your ex:
- The context: there is a general idea that the pandemic context made many questions their love ties, and especially miss past relationships
- Are you worried about how he is?
- have been single for a long time
- Desire to recapture what was once a good relationship
The first and most important thing you should do is reflect on why it didn’t work the first time?
What made you change your mind about him now?
The mind is very powerful and many times, to allow us to move forward, it makes us keep in mind the good things we have experienced and remember the bad things less. There are specialists who explain this process.
Then surely you are dreaming of those good times you spent together. But what about the disagreements, the discussions, and their differences?
Be sure, to be honest, and think about whether those differences are something you can really get over.
2) Think about what your real goal is when contacting him
What do you really want when you send a WhatsApp?
It’s important, to be honest with yourself about the truth of your intentions.
Do you want to write to him about something simple, like knowing how he is? Do you want to talk to him or just let him know you’re okay?
Or do you want to take that contact by text message towards a possible meeting and maybe something else?
You might even want to talk to him again to give your relationship some final closure in your mind.
This will set the tone and whether or not it’s really a good idea to write to her.
If all you want is to send him a message without ulterior motives, because you really care, and you want to know how he is, you should not think about it so much and just do it.
But if you are here, there is some doubt in your mind.
Continue reading to find out if it is really a good idea.
3) How well do you feel now that you are alone?
A second very important point that you should evaluate is, how do you feel being alone?
Can’t stand loneliness or do you really want to be with him? What do you really long for him or someone’s company?
If you don’t want to be alone, look for a friend or someone with whom to share your moments of sadness and happiness.
Never send a WhatsApp message to your ex under the effects of sadness or depression.
Maybe you are going through difficult times and that makes you feel more vulnerable.
For many, getting back in touch with an ex and trying to win him back is an act of survival or self-help.
But, you don’t need to be with someone to feel good.
You should first feel good about your life and then decide if you still want to send her a message.
4) Think about how it could affect him
Many times we are so absorbed in our own feelings that we forget that there is a person on the other side, with their own feelings and emotions.
How do you think your WhatsApp could impact him?
Especially if it was you who decided to end the relationship, this is something that you will need to consider in-depth.
If you really want him you should not raise hopes in him, which then may not lead to anything.
Whether he still cares about you or not, find a way to understand how your contact might affect him.
Try to be aware of the impact this can have on him.
5) Are you prepared for his reaction?
You can imagine hundreds of scenarios, as their possible responses, to the message you want to send to your ex.
But the truth is that reality is always stranger than fiction.
There are many options:
- He could be super friendly and happy to hear from you.
- The idea of seeing you could excite him a lot
- He might think your message is out of place and get angry.
- Maybe I choose silence and prefer not to answer you
- Or even tell you that he is in a relationship and that he prefers to cut off all contact with you
Are you sure you are prepared to deal with any scenario that arises?
You will always have the desired option in your mind, but what if what you expect does not happen?
Send him a message only when you’re ready to, and when you’re sure you can deal with his reaction.
All things cannot be planned, but you should at least be ready for everything that could happen.
6) Has enough time passed to contact him again?
If your breakup is very recent and you have agreed to zero contact, it might be a good idea to wait a bit before texting your ex.
There is a valid reason why they decided to cut off contact and it is time to keep it in mind.
Now, if you feel that a lot of time has passed and the distance has not made you forget it, you could decide to send him a message.
It is important that you know that time can help you get over the breakup and be happy forever, but it is not the only factor that influences that decision.
There is also a lot here about their relationship.
If he still loves you, and you really should be together, he might step forward at some point and let you know that he still thinks of you.
7) Is it a better idea to talk instead of sending a message? Should you call him?
We all know that text messages distort reality.
Many times they lend themselves to confusion, and we cannot understand the true intentions of the other.
There are people who are more expressive and even funnier by message. They may have a harder time showing their emotions in a person, or they may be shy.
Or on the contrary, a person could seem very distant or curt by message, when it is not their intention.
Then you should think if it is not better to make a friendly call, instead of sending a WhatsApp message to your ex.
This option is sometimes more direct and will allow you to know where he is, in a faster and more direct way.
8) Do not write to him again, if he has asked you not to do so
Perhaps you have already been through this in the past, without much success.
It may not be the first time you think of writing to him.
But I must be honest with you here if you have already tried and he has told you that he does not want you to write to him. You must respect it.
There are things in life that cannot be forced, and the love of a person is one of them.
It is better that you focus on yourself and be better.
I know it can be hard to forget someone you love, but I assure you that if you love yourself you will find what you are looking for.
He is not the only one and you can find love if you stop putting your energies into something that is over.
If you decide to talk to your ex, follow these steps:
1) What will you tell him?
If you still think it’s a good idea to WhatsApp your ex and eventually try to get him back, you need to take some time to think about what you’re going to say.
You should first “test the waters” before suggesting a match.
What kind of way could you choose to talk to him? How could you start?
Since you probably aren’t having contact at the moment, you could start by asking if she’s okay and how her business is going.
You could tell him that you have been thinking about him and would like to know how he is.
And wait to see how he responds.
Is he friendly and interested in you too?
Only then could you suggest having a cup of coffee together or come up with some plan.
2) Don’t be pushy
If you send him a message and he doesn’t reply right away. Don’t pressure him for an answer.
You must respect their time.
He won’t be sure what he wants to tell you. And he probably needs to reflect on all that it implies that you have written to him again.
You have already taken the first step, and you must accept whatever he can offer you. Either a message or silence.
3) Don’t play games
Some will tell you that it’s okay to play hard to get once you start contacting your ex.
I think there is nothing more wrong than this.
This is a person who knows you and who you know very well. Starting games, like waiting a long time to respond if he has texted you, will not get you anywhere good.
You have already thought about what you want, simply seek to understand what he feels and accept what he decides.
4) Say no to claims and reproaches
You may want to patch things up with your ex. But there is a right time for everything.
If you get back in touch and they immediately start talking about what went wrong, your differences or whatever didn’t work, chances are you won’t generate any enthusiasm from them to see you.
Take things slowly. Start by knowing how the other is. What things have changed since you broke up and talk about if you missed each other.
If things are moving in a good direction, there will be time to talk quietly about what things to change, if you really want to be together.
When is it NOT a good idea to talk to your ex to get him back?
I have left you here a complete and detailed guide so that you think well before writing to your ex on WhatsApp. At this point, you should be clear if it is a good idea or not.
But I leave you the last section with the cases in which it will be preferable that you look for another solution, for your good and his.
1) He has already rebuilt his life and is happy
I know this can hurt. But if your ex has moved on, he already has a girlfriend, or even the years have passed and he has formed a family, perhaps it is best for you to do the same.
It is true that where there was fire, ashes remain, there will always be something that unites them.
But maybe he appeared in your life in the past and that was it. He was at the moment that he had to be in your life, and that moment has passed.
Now is the time to move towards new links and relationships that give you what you need today.
If he has his life remade let him be happy, if you really want him you should want that for him too.
2) You are submissive in depression and obsessed with him
Acknowledging this is difficult and requires a lot of courage on your part.
If you are in a constant search for your ex if you do not realize that this situation is too strong and that it is affecting you.
If you keep thinking about him if you haven’t realized that you are suffering because of him.
You may need to stop and talk to someone to understand what you are going through.
You can also consult a professional to help you get out of that depression and thus avoid emotional damage for you and for him.
It’s definitely not a good idea to write if you feel that way. First, you must recover your energy and calm your emotions.
Trust that you’ll be okay, even if it’s not with him.
3) He has not answered you in the past
If he has shown that he is not interested in talking to you, it is time for you to let him go.
It is possible that you are looking for an explanation for his indifference and that is why you want to contact him again.
It may hurt you after everything you’ve been through, that he doesn’t even take the time to answer you. Maybe you even feel that he hates you and you can’t stand it.
But you must accept that in life there are things that are not as we want, but as we need them to be, for our own evolution.
There is a reason why he reacts like this, you may not understand it, but the healthiest thing is that you accept it and move on.
He surely does not want to harm you, but for some reason, he considers that it is best not to talk to you.
4) He never valued you
Most of us have had some relationship in our lives, which was not entirely healthy.
Maybe we felt vulnerable and needy, and someone just showed up to fill that need.
But if your ex is a person who blames you for everything that went wrong, and does not take any responsibility, you should pay attention to the red flags.
If it was you alone who pushed the relationship, stop for a minute to think if you really want to get that back.
It is time to be brutally honest with yourself, even if you are experiencing the deepest pain.
If he didn’t value you when you were together, why do you think that should change now?
It is completely normal to feel the need to be with someone.
Your ex is a person you know and had feelings for.
That connection, no matter how much the link has ended, will always continue to exist. But it will be transformed, there was something that united them and that does not disappear.
As interdependent beings, we need each other.
But you must be very clear that we can only relate in a healthy and constructive way with others, as complete individuals and separately contained.
You should not write to him with the expectation that he will fill a void that you feel.
The best thing you can do is meet your best version again.
There is a lot of potential within you, to be happy, enjoy, and show others all those qualities that you possess.
It is important to take advantage of moments of solitude to rediscover ourselves, to know who we are and what we truly want.
We attract what we are so don’t wait any longer and become that person you want to attract into your life.