Do you want to keep your relationship strong even after the novelty is gone?
Here are 10 reasons why good manners equal good relationships (and why you should always maintain those manners).
There are plenty of good reasons why your parents spent years instilling all these manners in you, and it’s not just so you don’t embarrass them in public.
That’s right: your parents knew something about relationships that they may not have realized and that good manners equal good relationships.
Let me give you an example.
Have you ever watched an old sitcom like “Father Knows Best” or “The Donna Reed Show?” Have you ever noticed how the husband and wife are polite to each other?
This isn’t just TV magic or fifties housewife gender roles; it’s much deeper than that.
The reason these comedies show such good behavior is because good manners are vital to a long and healthy relationship.
1. You Maintain Mutual Respect
One of the problems in many relationships is that people lose respect for one another.
There is not always an external cause.
Often, people lose respect for one another because they are so comfortable that they go beyond the boundaries of what is good and what is not.
Have you ever had a relationship with a man who was very polite and considerate when you first met, but then, as things happen and he gets more comfortable, does he… change?
He started burping at the dinner table or farting in front of his friends and laughing about it.
Maybe he’s even stopped lowering the toilet seat or putting dirty dishes in the sink.
That’s because he’s stopped using your manners, which means he’s stopped caring what you think, and in turn, you’ve lost respect for him.
Good manners are vital for respect.
2. You Appreciate Yourself
Another reason good manners are important in a relationship is those good manners mean you continue to value each other.
When you and your partner say “please” and “thank you” regularly, you show each other that you still appreciate what the other person does for you.
When he opens the door for you, he shows you that he still values you for the lady you are, and when you say “Thank you,” it shows him that you still appreciate your little acts of chivalry that make him who he is.
Appreciation and good manners go hand in hand.
3. Kindness Never Goes Away
Have you ever seen couples who argue all the time over petty things?
Maybe one of them says something rude and the other retaliates, then they fight here and there, eventually becoming cruel to each other?
This is another reason why good manners mean a good relationship.
It’s hard to be kind to someone who doesn’t respect or appreciate you, and when you’re rude, there’s nothing to respect or appreciate.
In other words, you can’t be kind to someone who’s cruel, you just can’t.
I know what you’re thinking: bad manners don’t necessarily mean cruelty.
This is true, but rudeness never equals kindness either.
4. Prevent Petty Discussions
When you see these couples having those petty little fights, do you ever feel a little embarrassed for them?
I know what I do.
If they can talk like that in public, imagine how they talk at home.
It’s uncomfortable to watch, to say the least.
However, these petty arguments that take place behind closed doors are also undoubtedly uncomfortable.
More importantly, they are easily avoidable.
One of the biggest complaints I hear from women is that their husbands “never acknowledge” the things they do.
Women always tell me that they would love to receive a simple “Thank you” for cleaning the house or a “Wow, this is delicious” for making dinner.
Without these ways, women (and men) feel unappreciated by their partners.
This lack of appreciation leads to petty, often spiteful arguments.
Another problem is that those little actions that show good manners (like taking out the trash unsolicited or helping to clear the table after dinner) can also generate levels of frustration.
If a person feels they are doing all the work, then there will be resentment in the relationship.
When that happens, people argue.
5. You Are An Example For Your Children
Why are these old black and white comedies considered so healthy?
They are a good example for children.
Let’s look at this from a child’s point of view for a moment.
Now, even if you don’t have children, bear with me because one day you can have children and this information will be very useful.
Children learn what they live.
They also learn from what they see around them.
Many children spend hours and hours in front of the television, and everything you are watching will influence them in one way or another.
If your kid grows up watching any show about relationships, that’s how they’re going to equate the relationship world.
More importantly, if your children see YOU acting this way, they will consider it normal and will likely grow up to be the same way.
When you and your loved one are polite to each other, you teach your children to be polite too, not just to you but also to their partner when they grow up.
The relationships you show your kids are the kind of relationships they choose when they grow up.
Why would you show them a bad relationship?
This is the time to teach your children to respect and value their partner when they grow up.
6. Still Looks “New”
Good manners not only maintain respect in a relationship and help prevent petty arguments, but also keep the relationship looking fresh.
I beg you once again to go back to those early days of dating, when you were expected to say “please” and “thank you”.
Do you remember how you and your man felt good about each other when you were using good manners?
Whenever you and your partner maintain good manners, the relationship maintains that “new” feeling.
You know, the one where you thought he was Prince Charming and he thought you were an absolute angel!
Good manners are one of the things that keep you “in love” with each other (because you don’t accumulate little resentments for each other).
7. Your Families Appreciate It
Does your man have one of those hard-to-please moms?
Does your dad hate your guy for stealing his little girl?
If the answer to either (or both) of these questions is “yes”, then your good manners are highly necessary to ease the parent’s pain.
When you show your partner’s parents that you are well-mannered and that you were raised to show people respect and courtesy, those parents will want to keep you around.
That’s because they know manners are hard to come by these days, and they also want to make sure the apple of their eye doesn’t run off and marry some idiot (male or female).
Trust me, nothing shows a parent that you love their child more than being respectful, kind, and showing that you were raised with good manners.
8. Manners Are Elegant
It’s not just your parents you want to show good manners to; your friends need to see you too!
Have you ever invited couples over for a game night or a few drinks and dinner?
Have you ever seen any of these couples start arguing in front of everyone?
It gets weird really fast, doesn’t it?
Do your guests (and your host and hostess) a favor – don’t be those people.
Use good manners with each other, with the other people at the party, and be genuinely polite to everyone.
Not only will this ensure you get invited to future parties, but it will also instill deep jealousy in couples who do nothing but fight (which is always a little fun too, isn’t it?).
9. Provides Equality Of Relationship
One of my biggest irritations is when I see a couple walking down the street and one of them walks in front of the other without even turning around.
I really hate this.
I also hate that on a date.
It’s disrespectful to be with someone and walk in front of them.
Even more horrible is when the man is walking in front of the woman and doesn’t stop to hold the door open for her (I’ve been on more than one of these dates).
It is shameful to act this way!
When you apply your manners, you are creating an equal balance in your relationship.
Two people who are polite and appreciate each other will always go the extra mile and make sure the other person is right next to them (literally and figuratively speaking).
Anything less is not good for a relationship.
Using good manners is not a way of resorting to “outdated” gender roles or succumbing to someone else’s will.
It’s just the opposite.
Many people assume that when you use your manners with your lover, you are not comfortable enough with that person to be yourself.
The truth is, you are being more with yourself when you continue to love and respect your partner using your good manners.
You remain the person he fell in love with, the one who appreciated him early on in the relationship and continues to appreciate him.
Good manners bring out the best in you, which means you are bringing out the best in your relationship.
10. You Are Happier With Each Other
At the end of the day, good manners mean a good relationship because you are happier with each other.
Think about it.
Could you be happy with someone who isn’t good for you?
Could you feel complete with a person who doesn’t respect you and doesn’t appreciate you?
No, you couldn’t.
There’s no point trying to fake it.
When it comes to using good manners, it’s not just good for your relationship, it’s actually one of the most vital aspects of it.
Men and women who consistently use good manners with each other end up continuing the habit without conscious effort, and it is they who end up having a truly rewarding partnership.
Good manners prove you respect someone.
Good manners prove that you care enough about the person with whom you are doing your best.
It may not seem like much, but in a love relationship, it means everything.
Ask yourself: would you behave this way with your partner in front of your parents?
I’m not talking about joking or talking dirty to each other (manners don’t mean any naughty moments); I mean, if you were having dinner with your family, would you let your partner cook and clean?
Would you forget to offer to help set the table or do the dishes?
So why would you treat your lover with less respect when there is no one around to see you?
In fact, you should show your lover more courtesy when there is no one around, because those private moments are the moments that really matter.