Why Saying “I Love You Too” Kills Your Relationship

Sticking To “Also” Is A Bad Idea.

I made myself a promise a long time ago.

Whenever I was in a relationship, whenever I found someone significant enough that I felt comfortable saying “I love you,” I wouldn’t add the word “too.”

My reasons for this are many, but mostly because I don’t believe the word “too” has a place in relationships, especially when it comes to love issues.

Note the meaning of “also”, its root, and its principles.

Also means:


Besides, moreover.

Even more.

“Also” is not a separate clause; it’s support for something that already exists.

“Also” does not require someone to make their own choice or to advance their lives through personal actions, but rather it is pitching in in support of an existing thought.

There is nothing inspiring or original about “also”.

“Also” is not an action, but a reaction.

It follows someone else’s ideas and takes the power of their concept.

“Also” is the equivalent of saying ditto.

So Why Would We Add “Too” To “I Love You”?

“I love you” should be a declaration of power.

It is something to say to another person because it comes from the bottom of our hearts.

When we tell a person that we love them, it must be organic, provoked because we experience these emotions on a visceral level.

Love is a manifestation of feelings that we talk about because we have lost all other words to describe the intensity we feel in a relationship.

A good “I love you”, pronounced at the right moments, sums up all the intimacies of caring for the other in a few words that can be said to summarize the deepest feelings of the heart.

“I love you” is often considered the final phrase for affection.

Why belittle this powerful statement by making it too?

Saying “I love you” is the phrase we add to a relationship to intensify it.

It’s a natural way of moving things forward.

It represents the deepest feelings of affection.

We shouldn’t cheapen it.

When we are so hesitant to tell an important person that we love them for the first time, no one wants to rush into it; we often seem to forget its deeper meaning.

The second or third time we say this, we are repeating it to someone else, responding to their “I love you” with a “too” because we allow it to become a routine.

If you want to take your relationship to the next level, if you want to do something small but new, stop saying “too” by saying “I love you”.

If your partner gives you these words, respond if you feel compelled, but never because it’s the expected courtesy.

(It’s important that if you do this experiment, you share it with your partner first so he doesn’t get caught off guard when you don’t just openly repeat “I love you too” every time he says “I love you.”)

Let’s Take Back The Power Of This Phrase.

When Someone You Love Says “I Love You,” React Two Ways.

  1. Tell him you love him because you can feel every part of those words right now, not because you’re a sales machine who dispenses an “I love you too” in exchange for an “I love you.”
  2. Or wait.

Don’t say “I love you” at that moment because you don’t feel it at that moment.

Only say “I love you” when you really mean it with every part of your heart.

Removing the routine of repeating “I love you too” every time our partner tells us they love us is powerful.

It makes us speak those authentic words, makes love as meaningful as the first time we were nervous and eager to say them.

When we stop using “I love you” as an answer and stop adding “too,” that means we are saying “I love you” because we are acting on our own thoughts, not reacting to someone else’s.

Cut the “too” from your “I love you”. Let’s make love less a reaction and more an action of caring and hope, inspired by the beauty and touching your partner’s ears like a kiss.

Saying “I love you” has power.

The results can be wonderful once you eliminate the “too” obligation and just focus on speaking from your heart.

We are not going to steal the power of these words by making them more of an addition, but by returning them to an independent statement.