Falling in love is easy, but falling in love takes a whole world of work and devotion!
Every day, we make a choice when it comes to our partner: we choose to love them, no matter what.
It is a form of unconditional love that requires a lot of patience, understanding and compassion to keep a relationship or marriage alive!
In fact, someone once told me, when I got engaged, that marriage is like a garden; it takes a lot of work, periodic maintenance, lots of watering and attention to keep it alive and thriving.
After I got married, I realized this couldn’t be more true!
Marriage is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, even though I’ve experienced parenthood.
Facing the Future Together
The future holds many uncertainties and, while there is no way to predict how each person will react to different situations, one thing is for sure: you will face them together.
You must support and love each other through the sun and the storm, or that beautiful garden you made together will wither.
Enough metaphors, let’s discuss some things you and your love should talk about before your big day.
Not all questions are applicable to all couples, but knowing where each other stands on various topics will help prepare them for their future together.
So, have a glass of wine, grab some snacks, turn on some background music and try to enjoy an evening of deep conversations with the person you will spend the rest of your life with.
Disclaimer: You will disagree with some things and that’s ok.
Don’t cancel everything because you don’t like how the other answers a specific question.
Discuss things you don’t agree with and how to compromise.
Love and happiness
The first and most important topic to discuss is your own relationship, how you really feel about each other.
While your own feelings are pretty obvious to yourself, your significant other may need some reassurance that you are happy together.
- When did you realize you loved me?
- What do you love about me?
- What things do I do that you love?
- If you could use three words to describe me, what would they be?
- What are my best qualities?
- What would you like to change about me?
- What would you like to change about yourself?
- What makes you happy?
- What is the happiest moment you have with me?
- How do you think we can improve our relationship?
- Where do you see us in 5, 10, 20 years?
Arguments will happen, it’s a fact, but how you handle those arguments will determine whether you have a happy marriage or a troubled marriage.
Remember what you’re fighting for, not what you’re fighting for.
- What things do I do that bother you?
- Would you say we argue often?
- When we argue, who is the first to apologize?
- Have you ever gone to bed angry?
- Are you willing to compromise on the things we disagree on?
- Would you leave during an argument?
- If I was quiet and upset, would you try to talk to me or leave me alone?
- Were there any disagreements that you feel have not been resolved?
- When you’re upset, what can I do to make you happy?
There are many emotions that people go through before getting married, excited, anxious, stressed… How do you feel about tying the knot?
- What emotion describes how you feel about getting married?
- What do you look forward to most after marriage?
- What kind of wedding would you like?
- Do you believe that marriage is ‘Til death do us part?’
- Have you been engaged or married before?
- If yes, what ended the relationship?
- What reasons/situations would lead you to consider divorce?
- In your opinion, what makes a successful marriage?
Children and Family
Family is the most important topic when discussing your future together.
Make sure you want the same things in life now, before you get married, because this is an area where surprises are not welcome!
- Do you want children?
- How many children do you want?
- Do you want boys or girls?
- How do you feel about one of us being a stay-at-home parent?
- How long would you like to wait after marriage to have children?
- In what ways do you think it is best to deal with bad behavior?
- Do you believe in spankings as punishment?
- In what way do you think it is best to reward a child?
- What are some things you would like to teach your children?
- How do you feel about adoption?
- What do you think is the hardest thing about parents?
- Would you consider yourself a “familiar” person?
- How often do you talk to your parents/siblings?
- How do you expect from the holidays?
Education And Career
Does your partner have specific education or career goals that you are not aware of?
If so, are you willing to help him achieve these goals?
- Do you want to continue with education?
- What can I do to encourage you as you study?
- Do you think our diplomas should be completed before marriage?
- Do you think our degrees should be completed before having children?
- What is your ultimate career goal?
- Would you consider yourself a workaholic?
- How many hours do you work per week?
- What is more important to you, career satisfaction or salary?
- If your job was transferred out of state, would you accept it?
- Would you move out of state for a dream job opportunity?
Unfortunately, financial issues are the main cause of stress in a relationship and can lead to a falling out or even divorce.
Celebrate together when times are good and work together when things are not.
- Do you save money every month?
- Are you saving for retirement?
- What 3 things do you spend the most money on?
- Do you think couples’ income should be combined or kept separately?
- Do you think each other’s debts should be paid individually or together?
- How much do you owe on loans?
- In what ways can we save money or pay off debt?
- What is your credit score?
- How much credit card debt do you have?
Your marriage will be the most important relationship in your life, but that doesn’t mean he or she is the only important person in your life.
- Am I your best friend?
- Do you think husband and wife can be best friends?
- Do you spend more time with your friends than with me?
- What do your friends think of me?
- Do you highly value their opinion?
- What do you do with your friends but not with me?
- Do you think it’s good to be friends with someone of the opposite gender?
- How would you react if I was still friends with an ex?
Interests and Views
This section is for many of the random questions that will eventually come up, if they haven’t already.
From hobbies and interests, to political and religious views, it’s important to know what he’s passionate about.
- What’s your favorite way to spend your free time?
- What activity/ hobby do you think would be fun to do together?
- What dream vacation would you like us to take in the future?
- What are your 3 most valuable assets?
- Would you consider yourself religious?
- How important is your faith to you?
- Does your significant other have to share your beliefs?
- Which political party do you agree with the most?
Questions to Ask Yourself
Now, while it’s good to ask your partner a bunch of important questions before you get married, it’s also not a bad idea to ask some deep questions too, to make sure you’re really ready for the big leap!
“Till death do us part” is a long time, and you want to make sure that time is the best person for you!
Questions to Ask Yourself
- Do I have any concerns about getting married?
- Does this person really make me happy?
- Do I miss him when we’re not together?
- Do I have any questions about our future together?
- What are some things I don’t like about this person and can I accept them?
- How much do I trust this person?
- Does he trust me?
- Will this person always be honest with me, even if I don’t like the answer?
- Does this person support me in my decisions?
- Have I ever had feelings for someone else while in a relationship with them?
- Have I ever thought about breaking up with him?
- Has our relationship gotten stronger or weaker over time?
- Why do I want to marry this person?
- Are there outside forces pressuring me to get married?
Being honest with yourself before diving into a marriage is the best thing you can do for yourself and the relationship as a whole.
While it can be hard to change your mind about marriage, it’s even harder to go through the stress of divorce along the way.
Getting married without knowing everything you want to know about your partner is like signing a contract without reading it!
So as long as you feel confident enough in your relationship to take it to the next level, go ahead and live happily ever after!
Divorce Marriage Advice
This content is accurate and true to the best knowledge of the author and is not intended to replace formal, individualized advice from a qualified professional.