Nobody said dating should be easy – but please keep in mind that you might be trying hard for nothing.
Every night, hundreds of thousands of young women walk home after the end of a first date – like chickens with their heads cut off – wondering what exactly the guy they just had dinner with noticed about them over the course of the meal.
Obviously, a state of pure and absolute panic ensues.
“Gee, did I order too much of a ‘male’ drink?
Ugh, did he notice I went to the bathroom between meals to floss??! Did he notice that he didn’t like my ‘one brow’?!”
So if you’re one of the many women out there who currently find yourself overwhelmed by questions and concerns – here are 44 things a man will never notice on a first date :
44. You haven’t washed your hair in three days.
43. That pimple, yes, right there under your chin.
42. Your manicure is chipped on four out of 10 fingers.
41. Whether you have your eyebrows waxed or not…
40. …or even if you did.
39. The angel wing outline (which is an outline) is not the same.
38. Your shoes don’t match the accent colors of your dress… or the fact that you’re wearing shoes.
37. Your dress is stained with salt at the bottom.
36. Your tights are frayed.
35. The desperation of having your heels scratched.
34. Your purse, which you triumphantly outbid some stranger on the Mercado Libre.
33. Your legs two days without shaving…
32. If your blouse is 100% silk or if there are some percentages of polyester inside.
31. The contents of your first drink.
30. The fact that your bag is Chanel.
29. Whether or not you left a lipstick stain on your glass.
28. Anything about the “roots” of your hair.
27. Your incompatibility of gold and silver accessories together.
26. Anything makeup-related.
25. The fact that your bag is Birkin.
24. If you had a haircut in the last six months or more.
23. Frankly, so is your hair color.
22. If you are using your work bag (a bag is a bag).
21. The special inclusion of “quinoa” in what you ordered to eat.
20. How you arrived 20 minutes earlier than you pretended to arrive.
19. That you may or may not have eaten more from the breadbasket than he did.
18. If you’re wearing black and blue – together.
17. Whether your cleavage is a product of a push-up bra or not (we will rarely question a good thing).
16. That you took a photo or three before boarding the date.
15. That your underwear is also branded – unless you show us…
14. If you made a story of your dish…
13. …or that you saw him make a story about the dish too, despite the fact that we never mention it.
12. That you look like the exact female version of your brother, which by the way, yeah, it got weird now that you mention it.
11. That you haven’t been to the gym this week.
10. Or last week.
9. Oh, did you go once last week? Gosh, I missed this one.
8. The fact that you were embarrassed for saying something ridiculous.
7. Like your “perfume”, it’s actually the last spritz of the perfume you bought years ago and you don’t have the money to buy another one.
6. That your phone vibrated twice with Tinder notifications during dinner.
5. That you’ve pursued him completely before, and even know his stepmother’s name… who has a different last name. We would probably be impressed.
4. That this is the first salad you’ve ever eaten.
3. The fact that you haven’t flossed in months.
2. That you watched Pretty Woman the night before to remind yourself of restaurant etiquette.
1. And yes, you have zero intentions of going on a second date.