Stop Trying to Get Married When You Don’t Even Know What You Want in a Person

Everyone I meet in college keeps saying things like, “I’m going to marry my boyfriend!” And I’m here like, “Well, I’m going to the movies.”

There’s no reason to get married until you’re settled. Getting married without being fully prepared is the perfect way to end up with no personal identity in adulthood.

It doesn’t matter how many people you have or haven’t dated, just what you’ve learned from it all.

There are six things I’ve learned about dating since I started serious dating during my senior year of college.

It is important, so far, to learn what makes you vibrate, what makes you happy, and what makes you absolutely alive.

It’s less important to date to marry because once you’ve found the perfect blend of these three things, Prince Charming will be on his knees and you’ll be able to say “yes” with confidence.

1. There Is Not Just One

There is not just one thing that will make the relationship work, but there may be one thing that will break it.

What many people don’t realize is that you don’t have to deal with it because everything else is good.

I’m not talking about his stinky foot odor or his habit of whistling and singing in the shower; that’s the way he shatters his dreams of prince charming, even though he rubs his feet after work every day.

Have the patience to accept what doesn’t work and learn to let go of the things you can’t change, quickly.

This leads to my second point…  

2. If You’re Happy, It’s Working

Happiness is the goal of any relationship.

Those looking for stability or control are not in it for the right reasons.

If this is you, you’ve just identified the perfect reason to go out and date more.

Learning to find happiness in another person is key to any kind of relationship, not just dating.

The person who makes you perfectly happy might not be the perfect partner, but once you’ve tasted it, you’ll know what you’re looking for in the future.

3. The Selfish Side of Things

Relationships are selfish, not selfish, I’ll eat all the cookies, but selfish, meeting needs.

Dating different people identifies the give and take along a sliding scale.

Some are needy, some are independent, and occasionally one is right.

Giving is when the exchange starts to get complicated but fun.

It’s knowing how much you can and how much you’re going to share which speaks volumes about your comfort and desire for the other person.

Anyone with ears can hear, but how much are you willing to tell and what kind of feedback do you get?

Finding a balance takes time, patience, and often multiple returns.

4. If You Can’t Deal With Snoring, Get A Pair Of Ear Plugs

Stop complaining about the little things; all couples have at least minor fights.

Even friendships have ups and downs and we need to learn to calm down and let things go.

High school was drama time; now is the time to learn to deal with the little setbacks and mistakes that cause it.

Each person will bring different grievances and obstacles to the surface; if they are small and can be solved, they must be solved.

Learning to deal with the idiosyncrasies of different individuals will help you learn to deal with the ones that really matter when you finally find that love forever.

5. Have a Sense of Adventure

You not only want but need someone to test and hone your sense of adventure.

This is where limits are learned.

Different people have different ideas of what adventure means, which is a big plus for any relationship.

You are a combination of your parents, family, and friends.

Nobody tells you that you are a combination of the people you date, but you are.

There are limits to every aspect of our personal and professional lives, and finding those limits only happens when we face them.

You want a partner to push you to limits you didn’t even know existed.

Every relationship will bring a new challenge to the fore.

Accept the challenge, conquer it and then move on to the next one.

Once you find someone who constantly presents constructive challenges, you can spin the bottle.

6. Finally, Just Learn

Dating is not about getting married; it’s about growing up to marry.

Every relationship doesn’t have to end badly either.

Sometimes a date takes you out a couple of times and exposes you to new experiences, but you’ll find that despite everything being great, you don’t have anything in common.

It’s all right!

Finish and move on.

Even relationships that end badly can still teach us lessons, but in return, we must also always be open and willing to share.

Take the bad with some suspicion, take the good to heart and take it all in because each new piece we add to our souls takes us one step closer to that person we will call our soul mate.

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