We all know the cliché about prep that happens before a first date : pick a new outfit, try it on fifty times, try it on for your friends, then sit down with them and analyze everything that could go wrong.
The truth is, this is just the beginning of the girl’s typical neurotic attack, which is the pre-date ritual that happens to all women everywhere.
Most women … have been on some pretty bad dates.
So, as a precaution, we’ve learned a few tricks along the way that help us deal with what could go wrong.
Disclaimer: Men, the information I’m going to give you might make you want to start playing for the other team.
The insider look at what really happens before you see the “amazing” girl you asked out is for mature audiences only.
The following are some of the steps women take before dating you:
Compatible With Google
The allure of meeting someone on a first date died thanks to Mark Zuckerberg and who the hell invented Google.
Your looks and charm may have attracted her enough to make her agree to date you; but it’s the online research she did when she got home that really got her going.
Trust me when I say that the FBI is nothing compared to a woman who is trying to find out if you are Mr. Right.
Here is the breakdown of women’s favorite websites AND apps and how they actually use these websites:
Facebook & Instagram – To see who your exes were.
To examine her sense of style and whether or not she needs to change it.
To see who your friends are if they are hotter than you.
Linkedin – To check where you work and the average salary of a person who works there.
Twitter – To see how witty you really are.
Google – To find all of the above quickly.
Social media and search engines provide the platform every woman needs to get to know you before they even meet you.
So when you’re on your first date with her, there’s a good chance she already knows the answer to every question you’re asking.
Late Not Really Late
Honestly, the most important and sincere thing I can tell you when it comes to a first date: women are never late for a date.
On the contrary, most women I know like to get to a date early, like very early.
Because?
This usually gives them a sense of control to get to know their surroundings before they meet you.
The usual pre-“where the hell am I going with this guy” routine: First, Google the place you’re going – this is mostly to familiarize yourself with the escape routes.
Second, search the map for directions to your destination.
Third, call your best friends and ask them to hang out somewhere nearby, in case the shit hits the fan and you need to make a quick getaway.
Finally, she arrives about 30 minutes before the actual scheduled time – so there is time to walk around the scene of the encounter a block away, like the true stalkers that we really are.
liquid courage
You never really know what you’re getting into on the first date.
The other person can be attractive, but they can also be boring as hell, or a serial killer.
So it makes sense that you would have a drink or three first.
The trick is to not get completely drunk and come across as easy prey, I speak from experience.
So guys, when your date shows up and she’s all smiles, laughs at all your jokes and looks super comfortable on a first date, it’s not because you’re a prank.
It’s Jack Daniels in effect.
The Meal Before Meal
I love it when all my male friends complain about how the suitors only order a salad for dinner and barely eat it.
All I can do is laugh, and they think I’m just insensitive.
In fact, I’m laughing because I know that an hour before she went out with him, she was shoving pizza and/or any other junk food in her face to soak up the “liquid courage” I mentioned earlier.
I have yet to meet a woman who doesn’t eat before going out to eat.
Lace the Shoes
Our shoes are a vital part of clothing preparation.
Most of the time, they’re probably new shoes; and if you picked a really nice girl to date, Shoes are way too expensive.
Long story short, expensive new shoes hurt like hell.
In an attempt not to sway like a newborn calf on a first date or cry out in pain, we women like to take the time to rip our shoes before wearing them.