Texting with your crush is the best thing, isn’t it?
Who doesn’t crave the thrill you feel when you see a message from him pop up on your screen and know he’s thinking about you and wanting to keep in touch more and more?
So it’s no surprise that when the frequency of these messages suddenly drops from a flood to a trickle, it’s easy to go from totally indifferent to outright paranoid faster than the blink of an eye.
No one could blame her for thinking that if he’s been texting less frequently, it means he’s lost interest.
But the good thing is that this is not necessarily true.
The fact is, texting itself is an unreliable barometer of interest in a relationship.
It could mean everything, but it could just as easily mean absolutely nothing.
So don’t assume that because he’s gone from texting 75 times a day to, say, five, it’s time to give up hope and start hurting.
There are entirely normal, panic-inducing reasons why you’re hearing from him less often — and only one to be concerned about.
How can you tell the difference?
It turns out that the subtext of text messaging behavior is pretty easy to interpret if you know what to look for.
1. You Have a Normal Healthy Relationship
Let’s be honest, keeping up the sheer volume and furious pace of texting a new romance isn’t sustainable in the long run.
“In the infatuation stage, it’s normal to ‘not get tired of each other’. When that wears off, couples get into a more realistic routine. You’re not so obsessed with knowing everything about each other anymore,” says Anita Chlipala, marriage and family therapist and author of Us First: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love.
While this initial phase can be really exciting, it’s normal for things to slow down over time as you get into a natural routine.
It’s important to look at the general patterns. Texting less frequently during work hours is different from texting during a 24-hour period.
If someone goes from hourly texting to daily texting, that’s one thing.
Going from texting all the time to disappearing completely for 3 days is very different,
So if texting has declined over time, ask yourself: are you communicating in other ways?
Is he showing love in real life?
In this case, the slowdown in texting is nothing more than a habitual ebb and flow inherent in all areas of a comfortable and secure relationship.
2. His Life Just Got Busier
Before hitting the panic button, take a break.
Ask yourself: Has he recently mentioned a big project coming up at work?
Did he get a new job?
Is it final exam week?
Is his family in town?
Considering how your partner is behaving in other areas of the relationship can help clear things up, as Diana Dorell, Intuitive Dating Coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, Self Help In Focus.
“Does he act differently when you see him? Has he stopped making time to see you and spend time with you? If not, it could be that he’s trying hard to use his phone less so he can focus on work during the day,” she says.
As important as you are to your partner, there will come a time when life gets in the way of texting.
These are all entirely reasonable reasons why he cannot respond as quickly or eloquently as he has in the past.
“Ideally, your partner will let you know that he is busy and has nothing to do with you,” adds Chlipala.
“But that level of transparency doesn’t always happen.” So, when in doubt, open the lines of communication yourself and talk to your partner about what’s going on.
3. It’s A Sign Of Possible Relationship Problems
We can’t talk about changes in texting behavior without touching on the reason we all fear: he’s pulling away.
Yes, it is possible that the lack of text messages is an indication that he has lost some of that loving feeling.
Maybe things are getting too serious and he’s trying to cool things down, says Della Casa.
“It’s not uncommon for people to slow things down in the middle of a date, if they feel like things are moving too fast, or if they want to make sure they’re ready to take a relationship to the next level,” she explains.
When you think your relationship might end, it’s easy to freak out, but take a deep breath.
Of course, it’s a possibility, don’t jump to that conclusion right away, advises Chlipala.
“If you find he’s pretty consistent in other areas, like planning dates and including you in his life, then you probably don’t have to worry about anything,” she says.
“So if he made a 180° turn without an explanation, definitely bring it up kindly.
Mention that you’ve noticed a decrease in communication and are wondering if something is going on that you don’t know about.
If he says it’s okay, it’s time to say what you want.”
However, if less frequent texting is part of a larger trend, then there could be cause for concern, warns Della Casa.
“If he’s canceling dates and texting less, he’s probably pulling away or exploring other options,” she says.
But then again, the only real way to know what’s going on is to talk to your partner about it.
“The best thing you can do for information is to ask.
Clear and transparent communication is necessary for any healthy relationship to grow; just ask him how he’s feeling and tell him you’ve noticed some changes in patterns and if that means he’s more comfortable with the relationship or has some questions about the relationship.
Asking where you are is not something to be ashamed of”, emphasizes Della Casa.
While the possibility that the decrease in texting behavior could be a sign of a relationship on the decline, the real argument here is that there are more reasons not to be a negative sign than there are reasons to be concerned.
The key, as experts say, is that if you’re worried, go straight to the source and talk to your partner about how they’re feeling.
Sometimes the best solution is the simplest.