4 Reasons You’re Not As Close To Your Boyfriend As You’d Like (And How To Get There)

Don’t let these obstacles ruin your relationship.

Intimacy is feeling close to your partner. It’s about feeling safe enough to be vulnerable. It’s about having an interpersonal adventure, and trying new things in and out of the bedroom.

However, there are five main obstacles that prevent many couples from enjoying the deep pleasure of feelings and feeling genuinely connected.

If you have one or more of these obstacles going on in your relationship, remember that you can overcome these obstacles, learn how to build an emotional connection and trust, and have the relationship you and your partner really want.

The statements below are not judgmental, even though they may sound that way. Most human beings struggle to reach their relationship potential because of these blocks.

Here are the 4 most common reasons why you’re not as close to your boyfriend or husband as you’d like:

1. You stopped being interested in your partner a while ago.

You don’t ask questions and you don’t realize how your lack of interest has been a factor in the deterioration of vitality in the relationship.

2. You Try to Protect Yourself From Hurting.

You’ve been hurt by your partner and by others before them, and you don’t want to risk your heart again.

Instead, you settle for a mediocre relationship that doesn’t break up but is dry and routine. Your partner may be doing the same thing.

3. You Get Defensive Instead Of Listening To Your Partner.

This happens especially when there is something negative he is feeling and affirming. And nothing tears intimacy apart faster than reactive, defensive communication.

Staying open and present, no matter what your partner is experiencing and expressing, is a challenge for most of us reactive creatures, but it’s worth the effort to practice the skill of staying present when your impulse is to get defensive or get out.

4. You Don’t Have Time To Slow Down Together Often.

When you were dating, you guys slowed down together. Now that you’re in a long-term relationship with him, you’ve got your to-do list, your electronics (phone, computer, TV), and your multi-tasking life.

The expression “When you don’t use it, you lose it”, applies to intimacy as well. The longer you go without slowing down, the more a non-intimate relationship will feel normal.

However, deciding to consistently slow down can bring your intimacy back in a relatively short time.

How many people can say the same thing about exercise? If you don’t go to the gym or do some other exercise for a long time, it’s harder to get into it and it will feel “normal” not to exercise.

However, when you are exercising regularly, you miss it when you don’t. And like exercise, slowing down together feels great when done consistently.


The good news is that you don’t have to settle for a less-than-ideal relationship. Healthy intimacy is within reach of almost all of us. Once you identify which blocks are holding you back, you can start taking proactive steps to overcome them so you can build the healthy, happy relationship you deserve.