Did your ex just leave you a Whatsapp message?
It can be so confusing when men come back out of nowhere, even months after things are over.
What makes a man come back to you?
This is a question every woman wants to know…
The good news is that in this article we are going to try to understand their behavior and find out what is going on.
Check out 12 possible reasons why he came back after months of no contact!
1. He misses you.
We all get nostalgic and miss it from time to time. Maybe he saw something he reminded of you, or he’s just been thinking about things recently.
Anyway, he really misses you and what you had together. He might miss being in a relationship, or he might miss who he was when he was with you.
He wants you back because he misses the way things were before.
If you think trying again might work, go for it!
Listen to your heart, make sure the two of you have had enough time to make sure you really, really want to get back together and know if you’ve worked through whatever was holding you back last time.
Likewise, you might miss someone, but you don’t want the relationship back — and it’s okay to say that to them.
You may decide that you don’t want to talk to him because it’s too difficult and you just want to focus on getting over him and moving on, no matter how much you miss each other.
Not all the people we love are right for us, and we need to put ourselves first.
2. He feels guilty about the way he treated you.
If your ex came back months later, he may not be trying to get you back, but instead, apologize and take responsibility for his behavior.
Having some time apart may have given him the space he needed to think about his actions and really think about the role he played in the relationship and the breakup.
He might feel terrible about the way he treated you, or how and why things ended, and he wants to apologize.
It’s up to you to decide how it goes – if he wants to talk things over but you’re not comfortable with it yet, ask him to respect your wishes and give you more time.
Maybe he can email you an apology and you’ll read it in your own time.
Or you may prefer to end the conversation completely because you don’t care how bad he feels, or because you don’t want to relive what happened. This is your choice!
3. His plans to play on the field didn’t work out.
Your ex may have ended the relationship because they wanted to be single for a while.
This happens often and could be for a number of reasons: he was never really single, and his life changed (new job, new friends, etc.)
Of course, there could be several other reasons, and chances are you’ll never know!
If he wanted to play on the field, he probably wanted to hook up with lots of girls and ‘make the most of’ being single. Yes, it’s painful to think about, but it’s likely to be the reality of the situation.
The reason he’s come crawling back is that he’s realized (shock, horror!) that being single isn’t really all that.
It can be fun, sure, but it’s also very different from being in a serious relationship with someone you really care about.
He may have realized that being single isn’t as fun as he thought it would be, and now he may want a relationship again – with you.
Think about whether or not you want to take him back if that’s an option. You’re hearing he’s slept with someone, and do you think you can really make it work this time?
He’ll need to show respect and make it clear that you’re his priority, not a backup option.
4. He wants what he cannot have.
You did a classic power-breaking move – you got over it, focused on yourself, and went through an emotional and physical warm-up.
Maybe you’re in the best shape of your life or you’ve finally had the courage to apply for this job.
Whatever it was, he noticed. He can see that you are enjoying being independent, that you are happy, healthy, and thriving – without him…
First of all, your ego might get a little damaged by this. He’s wondering how you managed to survive without him (intense, we know, but that’s really what some guys think) and might question if he was holding you back in some way.
This probably doesn’t sound great, so he might want to prove it had nothing to do with him getting back together with you. If you can keep destroying your goals while you’re with him again, he couldn’t have been the problem before, right?
Second, there is nothing more attractive than an ex who has moved on and doesn’t want you anymore. It’s not healthy for sure, but it’s true.
Now that he can’t have you anymore, and you’re doing great, he wants you back. He’s impressed by this new, independent, confident version of you and wants to be with you.
Knowing he can’t have you (because you dumped him or simply moved on) will drive him crazy and fuel his desire for you even more.
If you’re at that level of moving on, you might not want to have anything to do with it! You’ve focused on getting this far, so do you want to risk getting back together and losing all the progress you’ve made while working to rebuild?
Only you can answer this one…
5. His other option didn’t work.
Let’s say your relationship ended because you found out he was cheating on you. You broke up, he left with his mistress – and now he’s shown up again months later.
It doesn’t take a genius for the future that things didn’t work out with his girlfriend…
If he randomly came back into your life and is full of compliments, it’s very likely that things went wrong with the girl he was cheating on you with.
He wants you back because his other option didn’t work out as he expected.
Again, you need to find out if you’re happy to be an option rather than a priority. He’s already chosen someone else over you, so are you comfortable getting back together knowing he dumped you for some other girl?
Does he really want you back or does he just want a safety net because his ego was damaged by someone else?
6. He’s had a bad relationship and realizes what he’s lost.
This one is similar to the previous one, but a little different, so it’s worth considering. He may not have left you for someone else specifically, but he ended up in another relationship right after you broke up.
He must have realized how good he was to you, simply because that other relationship was so horrible. Now that he has something else to compare to, he can realize how lucky he was to be with you!
He may have come to that conclusion without dating anyone either. He must have just realized how much he enjoyed being with you and how good the relationship really was.
Often, some time apart can provide much-needed insight and clarity. He may be reaching out right now to tell you how much he values you and how sorry he is that he didn’t realize it sooner.
This might work for you, and you would really enjoy hearing these things. But, he will need to consistently show that he appreciates you and live by those values for this relationship to work. He cannot go back to the easy life and take it for granted again!
7. his friends or family told him to do it.
We’ve all been through this. A relationship ends, for whatever reason, and after a few months of looking sad, your loved ones make a comment about how you should try again.
Maybe they’re tired of you looking unhappy or they really believe you should try again. Either way, that could be what happened if your ex came back months later.
Some friends may have told him that you were the best thing that ever happened to him. Maybe his family said he should try to get back with you because you were so good to him and he was so much happier with you than without you.
This is definitely something to consider if your ex shows up out of nowhere after months of no contact!
8. He is feeling lonely or wants an ego boost.
We all feel lonely at times, and many of us “go back” and try to catch up with our exes.
It’s Friday night, we went out for a few drinks and now we’re home alone. We’re drunk, looking at old pictures of the two of us with our ex where we looked happy, or maybe our friends were right behind each other and we were jealous of their love relationship.
Either way, we’re feeling lonely – so why not text our ex and just gauge the vibe?
He might be feeling like crap about himself – maybe he’s still single and it’s making him feel unattractive. He may be waiting for you to praise him and make him feel better about himself, just like you probably did when you were together.
He might also want you to want him – if he texts you and you’re excited to hear from him and desperate to get back together, he’ll feel wanted, wanted, and attractive.
If that’s the case, he might not be interested in anything serious or long-term, so be warned!
He may be lonely and feeling a little sorry for himself, and he expects you to give him the affection and attention he craves.
9. He spent time working on himself.
This is one of the few times we think that an ex randomly showing up months later might be a good thing!
If he really took a few months to work on himself, we have a lot of respect for a guy who does that.
He may have taken the time to focus on himself, reflect on his relationship behavior, and really delve into some healthier lifestyle choices.
If part of the reason you broke up was because of your actions or lifestyle, he may be reaching out now to let you know that he wants to try again and has done the necessary work.
For example, maybe you broke up because he stayed out late all the time. If he’s stopped this behavior, he wants you to know, because it could mean you’re going to take him back.
Maybe he got a new job, abandoned some bad health habits, or is ready to make a real commitment to you. He wants you to know that he took these steps to be a better partner for you because he wants you to give him another chance.
Assess how compatible the two of you are now and how much you think he is capable of committing to this new lifestyle.
If he quit smoking three days ago, don’t trust him so fast! He may not be willing to actually make the long-term sacrifices necessary to make things work.
10. He is not serious about you
If he’s texting you for the first time in months and it’s 2 am, or the texts are suggestive or seductive, there’s a good chance he is not serious about you.
If you’re okay with that, go for it. If you’re not sure, it’s probably a no.
Know your worth and don’t settle with an ex when you could choose to date a guy who is genuinely interested in you!
11. He is confused about the breakup.
If your breakup was sudden or very complicated, there’s a chance the two of you need some time to really process it;
It is very possible that during this time he realized that he never came to terms with the reason for the end of the relationship.
He may come back months later because he needs some clarity. He might just want to talk to you about what happened and why, so he can really put everything to bed and move on.
This is a very mature situation and a healthy way of processing, as long as you are comfortable with this type of conversation.
12. He’s not sure what he wants.
Your ex may have contacted you after months of separation because they’re not sure how they feel.
He doesn’t necessarily want to get back together, but he also doesn’t like you not being together.
If he’s feeling confused about what happened between the two of you and doesn’t know the outcome he wants, he might just be taking a risk and measuring the vibration to see how you react.
If you’re excited to hear from him, he’ll get another chance to do things with you and he’ll be able to realize that’s what he really wanted.
Likewise, if you shut him up and make it clear that you will never get back together, it will help him accept that this is no longer an option to consider and he will figure out what he wants that way.