How to deal with relationship expectations?

Each of us has a certain idea of ​​a perfect partnership, full of happiness and harmony. But these expectations of our relationship often do not match reality. But that doesn’t mean you have to bury all your desires. The issue is more akin to his realistic view of intimate union.

A relationship is always an individual story. Here, two people who have been socialized in different ways, seen different love movies, and start their relationship with very different experiences collide. Therefore, you must be clear about which expectations are particularly important to you in the relationship. Because of course, you have some – after all, you want to be happy in the partnership.

By itself, the list can be infinite. For one, loyalty and loyalty play an important role, the other wants enough freedom and opportunities for personal development. Your partner may be looking for harmony while you want to address issues and work through them constructively. But sometimes there are also very tangible expectations: financial security, political attitudes, ethical values, ​​and the desire to have children. Therefore, there is sufficient leeway for reality to deviate from the expectations of the relationship.

Discover your expectations for a relationship

You must take the time to determine your own expectations. Write down all possible hopes and reward points: What things are particularly important to you? Based on this, you can create a small classification of your desires and dreams and immediately see at which points you can close your eyes and which you cannot.

In the second step, you should consider whether your most important statements are realistic. Can one person do all this? Where do these ideas come from? Does this perfection really exist in the real world or do your desires arise from the fictionality of literature and cinema?

Relationship Expectations: What to Do When There Are Differences?

Once you’ve become clear about your own expectations for the relationship, you should compare them to your (potential) partner. A complete combination is hardly possible. Many couples simply have different expectations of a relationship – but that doesn’t mean you have to end them. Because there is always some leeway where you can work together.

Many adjustment screws can be turned, others must not be loosened. In other words: you can live with so many different expectations of the relationship, but not with others. And some desires even compete with each other – absolute closeness and an irrepressible thirst for freedom can rarely be achieved at the same time. But how can you handle it as a couple?

5 tips for dealing with different expectations

  • Put yourself in your partner’s shoes: Your own expectations seem natural to you, but your partner’s also natural to him. He needs to put himself in your shoes to understand your expectations. Give him time for it.
  • Communicate Your Expectations: As natural as the stitches seem to you, your partner can’t look into your head. Therefore, you must communicate your expectations – as a desire, not a demand. Also, listen to what he has to say.
  • Don’t expect a new person: your partner is not a robot that can change at the push of a button. Practice acceptance; you will have to compromise on many things. Nobody is perfect, don’t blame them if they can’t do everything.
  • Give something in return: A happy partnership is always a give and take. If your partner commits to you and tries to work on himself, you can take action too. Ask him what you can improve on in the future so you can work together on your happiness.
  • Practice self-love: Sometimes, exaggerated expectations about the relationship are an expression of general discomfort. Your partner’s job is not to help you find happiness, you have to do it yourself. Expectations contain the word “expect”, but don’t waste time and work on your self-love.

Your expectations are concrete ideas of what needs to happen for you to be happy. However, your partner will hardly be able to do this. Desires are always allowed, but you must distinguish between expectations that are fundamental to you and compromises you can make.

Output: good compromises or new approaches

Pursuing perfection in love is never the goal – because it quickly becomes boring as all behavior becomes “expected”. The tension and the crackle are lost. If you have different expectations of a relationship, compromise and understanding can help you out of this dilemma.

However, if the elementary expectations of the relationship are not met by your partner, you should think about your own happiness. If you have completely different ideas about your future, it will be difficult to find a common denominator and, above all, happy. For the future, however, you can only learn from this: you are now aware of your expectations of a relationship and can articulate them while looking for a partner.