I want children, he or she doesn’t – What to do

A one-sided desire for children – is a huge stress test for a relationship. Do you want to take your couple’s relationship to a higher level and experience the miracle of starting a new life – but your partner refuses? So it’s important to research the causes together. Your partner needs to understand that you want children.

The happiness of having a child can give a couple of new enthusiasm. Mutual care, nurturing, and loving devotion to offspring intensify the relationship with the partner and present exciting life challenges. But what if the partner doesn’t want a child?

When the man doesn’t want a child

For men, quality is key. They are often satisfied when they are in a happy relationship. If the partner confronts the man with his desire for a baby, he first thinks about changes in everyday life and his role as a father. For the following reasons, he cannot (yet) share his desire to grow the family.

He doesn’t feel ready for a child

The most important thing for a man is whether he feels ready to have a child himself. Can he handle the additional burdens – financially, emotionally, and temporally, or does he feel overwhelmed by them? Often, the one-sided desire to have children is based on the fact that the man still has construction sites in his head that he would like to close before starting a family. This can mean job security, but also the question of whether he feels emotionally mature for a child.

The circumstances have to be right

Then comes the question of taking care of the child. If a man does not want a child, it may be due to certain structural conditions that are not yet adequate from his point of view. How does he assess domestic conditions? How is the family environment? Are there enough options for child care? As long as he doesn’t find satisfactory answers here, he can exclude offspring.

A one-sided desire for children: Does she have the right partner?

While women develop a very direct bond with the child, the man’s love for the baby is formed through the woman. For him, the desire to have children is therefore strongly linked to his partner’s reliability and whether he can envision a future with her in the coming decades.

If the man doesn’t want a child, talk about screws you can use to make him feel like he’s really ready to have a child. The one-sided desire to have children should not be taken personally.

When a woman doesn’t want a child

Women are the ones to deal with the physical and hormonal changes that pregnancy brings. She often finds a lack of understanding. After all, only she is capable of bearing children. But this is exactly what the problem of the one-sided desire to have children can be – and beyond.

The classic model as an obstacle

Even after the child is born, the woman is given greater responsibility. The classic model of the “breadwinner” who takes care of the financial security of the family and the “caring woman” responsible for raising children is weakening. However, these classic models still exist and can be an obstacle, especially for women who want to make a career out of it. With an important reason why a woman doesn’t (yet) want a child.

She doesn’t trust him to be a father

If the man has a one-sided desire to have children, this may also be due to the fact that the woman does not trust her partner to face the new challenges that arise. How does she assess the man’s professional situation or emotional stability and consider him capable of raising a child at this time?

A woman doesn’t want a child because of her ex-partner’s children

It can also be an obstacle for both of you if you bring children from a previous partnership with you. Perhaps this was the main reason for the breakup of the previous relationship. Next, you must be particularly sensitive and approach the topic very carefully. If, due to such an experience, a one-sided desire to have children arises, your partner may have already completed the “Children” chapter. Try to convey to him that there is a whole new constellation between you and remove any relationship doubts that have arisen from the negative story.

How can the partner be convinced that he wants to have children?

If there is no personal and immutable policy program behind the rejection of the desire to have children, solutions can be found. Talk honestly about why your partner doesn’t share your one-sided desire to have children. Does your “no” apply forever or will your attitude possibly change in the future? If so, how can you help your partner be ready for a child too?

1. Show patience

You may have to step back from the one-sided desire to have children and wait until certain things change. Give your partner time and, depending on how decidedly he or she responded, ask again later. This can happen after a few weeks, but it can also take several months. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. The decision to have a child should not be taken lightly. Both partners must defend it one hundred percent.

2. One-sided desire to have children? decide together

If you’ve made a decision together, you must accept it uncompromisingly – no matter how it turns out. If you’ve put the problem of offspring on hold, avoid pushing your partner in front of the window with baby clothes. Remember your agreement and only address your one-sided desire to have children if you both agree to think about it again after a certain amount of time.

3.  Support your partner

If you have decided to have a child, do not be malicious if difficulties arise that you indicated in advance. Stay solutions-oriented and don’t insist that you were right in your one-sided desire to have children. Address relationship issues, but don’t blame each other. You made the decision together – out of conviction. When it comes to having a child, there are no compromises.

If you can’t come up with a common denominator, there’s no way you can avoid thinking “yes or no separation?” – no matter how painful it is.

Conclusion: Unilateral desire for children = end of each partnership?

Why does your partner refuse to have children? Get to the bottom of the causes of this issue. If a man or woman doesn’t want a child, it doesn’t have to be because of you or your relationship. It could have something to do with your partner’s environment, work situation, or bad experiences in the past. Even doubt can be behind a one-sided desire to have children so that the other just doesn’t feel ready for a baby.

Talk to each other openly and honestly and don’t put any pressure on either of you. Then attitudes can change and, in the end, your partner will be convinced of their own desire to have children.