It’s all over between you! After turbulent days and many tears, you are now separated… and single again. Fortunately, this situation is not the end of the world, but the new beginning after separation, to start a new phase of life. Now, there are many new opportunities, even if this vision is still difficult for you due to a lack of love at the moment.
There is one thing you should know in advance. Not only psychological research but also my personal experience shows: The best way to start over after a separation or divorce for men is through distraction and positive life changes. This fresh start helps you to finally forget about your ex-girlfriend, process the pain of separation, and look positively forward again.
In this article, I’ll share my top 12 tips on how to start over, what to do next, and how you can meet a new partner.
Persistent Sickness – What a Breakup Looks Like
We all know that longing for love after a breakup is really a painful feeling that throws us completely off the rails. We have to think about the ex all the time, we can still be in love, and the longing eats us inside. While we are stuck in this black hole filled with sadness, we believe that no matter what new woman comes in the future, we can never be happy in a relationship again.
It’s okay if you, as a man, have to deal with the breakup for a while, want to be alone, and cry for your ex-partner. But at some point, you must dare to start over. Because the ongoing pain of fixating on your ex-girlfriend can lead to you not even noticing great women who are new to your life. You can miss out on many opportunities for a happy new start and great love.
Fresh Start After Separation: With These 11 Tips It Will Work!
Now you would surely like to know with me how you can start from scratch, leave your heartache behind and become happy in a new partnership. I’ve gathered here 11 tips for restarting.
1. Inner attitude: See separation as an opportunity
Every change starts in the head – this also applies to overcoming the pain of separation and successfully finding a partner. You must therefore get a new way of thinking. Don’t see separation or divorce as just a setback or humiliation, but also as an opportunity for reorientation. Apparently, it hasn’t worked between the two of you anymore and at some point, you might meet a woman who fits even better in your life.
Plus, being single also has its perks. You are free, you no longer need to give an account and now you can do whatever you want:
- Enough of her waiting at home with the clock while you walk around the house with your friends at night
- No more unhappy arguments about trivia, e.g. who is taking the trash downstairs
- No more jealousy dramas just because you talked to your cute neighbor for 10 minutes
- Oh yes, the exhausting visits to your parents – your future in-laws – are over!
In short: you have to learn to be happy while still single, then you will be really free inside!
2. Create new plans for the future
At some point, the time comes when you must positively look forward again and project new concepts of life. Become internally independent of your ex-partner, you no longer need her to be happy. At the same time, the question arises: What do I still expect from life? What should the next few years be like? Develop concrete future plans for a reorientation! This helps you to throw contaminated sites overboard, release them and open up to new shores.
3. Store memories in boxes
Her little picture in her wallet, her sweet birthday card, or the beer advent calendar she gave you for Christmas: In every day of the day we can still find memories of the partnership. These objects are literally lying in wait for us men to stab us in the heart like a dagger. The more you look at these “relics” and put them in your hands, the harder it will be for you to accept your heartache.
A good start, therefore, starts with a thorough cleaning: take all your letters, gifts, and other leftovers and put them in cardboard boxes. You can store them under the bed or in the closet. Things are now out of your sight and you can clear your head again in everyday life. If you’ve left the pain of separation behind at some point, you can still pull out the “treasures” and then look at them without sadness.
4. Renovate and furnish the apartment
A fresh start often also requires a change in the environment we move in on a daily basis. If you want to start from scratch after separation, you should also refurnish and decorate your apartment. For example, paint the walls a different color, buy new furniture (or at least rearrange the old ones), and add new decorations.
5. Rediscover old hobbies and live them
I know this all too well for myself: when you’re in a relationship, you neglect many beloved leisure activities – just for your girlfriend’s sake. Music performances with your own rock band are getting rarer, you don’t meet up as often to play sports with the boys. Instead, Saturday visits to the weekly market or pesky shopping excursions are on the agenda.
Now is the time to revive your old hobbies. Start over with all the things you could no longer do in your relationship or that you have unconsciously neglected. Start living again and do what you personally like. For a fresh start after separation, you can of course also start with completely new leisure activities to explore new and exciting territory for you.
6. Get a new hairstyle – a new me emerges
Not only the environment but also you can be changed after a breakup. The easiest way to do this is to go to the hairdresser: get a different hairstyle, because it can make you a whole new person. Buying new clothes can’t be wrong either. The best thing to do is ask friendly salespeople or a good friend for advice on the right look.
7. Changing jobs for professional reorientation
Like it or not: we define ourselves largely by our work – after all, we have to work 8 hours a day to earn our bread and butter. However, many people are dissatisfied with their work and drag themselves to the office in great frustration every day. To start from scratch is therefore a smart move if you are also looking for a new job that you enjoy again.
8. Reactivate the male circle of friends
Unfortunately, in a partnership, you often neglect your own circle of friends, especially when it comes to groups of real men. Your ex-girlfriend may not have enjoyed your pub and poker nights or the championship weekend, but now the way is clear to start another real men’s event.
These men’s rounds are really good for us guys. Here we can really let off steam when we’ve lost our manhood between love movie nights, pink plush, and women’s boutique shopping. There are topics that can only be discussed between men! Even a little gossip about the opposite gender can’t be wrong if it serves to release frustration after a breakup.
9. Work through failed relationships
Why did the split actually occur? You should definitely ask yourself this question when starting over. Answers to the question may provide useful information. They show what you value in a partnership, what you’ve lost, and what kind of woman you really want. But maybe you can also see what you might have done wrong and what you can improve in your behavior in a future relationship.
10. Go to a party with friends to find a new partner
Of course, you don’t just want to have testosterone-containing dates with friends, but at some point, you want to go out looking for a partner again to find new love. So hang out in bars with your friends – that was probably overlooked in the relationship too, right? At parties, you can flirt with a lot of pretty girls and maybe get a phone number or two for a hot date with you.
11. On a date: No complaints or arguments about the ex!
What I just said about flirting on dating sites applies in general to find a partner: don’t start conversations about your ex on a date, and don’t complain about your lack of love. You will (rightly) think that you are still not over the breakup.
On a date, instead, talk about fun topics, your hobbies, and positive future plans. Then the girl realizes that she has a strong and confident man ahead of her. But it also means that you’ve really gotten over the breakup and are ready for a fresh start. Otherwise, her whole appearance looks like an unbelievable show number, and the girls feel it very well!
A fresh start with your ex-girlfriend – a good idea?
Many men speculate about the idea of getting back together with their ex-partner after a certain period of time and venturing out to start over with her. There are several reasons for this desire:
- You still feel love for your ex and really want her back
- The belief that no other woman can get to her and that she is “the real deal”
- Fear of loneliness because being single is, in a way, “stupid”
- You can miss the old days and hope that everything will be like before.
When then she also says, “I’ve changed” or “It was very nice to you”, we men can hardly say no…
Back to the old patterns: it starts all over again
In my experience, you need to be very careful with these hopes – even if it seems harsh. Because often both partners in the relationship revert to old patterns and disputes (with all the pain) recur… the nasty groundhog greets you every day!
Check if you two have really changed!
Successfully resurrecting the failed relationship only works if you come to terms with it completely. Think about what was the reason for the breakup and whether a fresh start with this woman is possible. Actions count more than words. So see if you’ve really changed, or if you’ve become a different man, and if the prerequisites for a successful reboot are really in place!