We still learn from our parents and grandparents: a gift for the first date is simply part of good manners with us men.
But today? Is this gesture of attention even appropriate when flirting and getting to know each other?
And if so, what should you give her as a man without being embarrassed? The classic flowers like a cavalier rose?
In this article, I explain the etiquette rules for dating souvenirs.
Why a gift for the first date is taboo?
I admit: I myself have never given a lady anything on the first date, but maybe I just missed an important rule of politeness when looking for a partner, I thought…
That’s why I once asked some women in my circle of friends: What do you think about a man giving you a gift on the first date?
The ladies’ harsh responses: bothersome, embarrassing, intrusive, old-fashioned, awkward, weird, totally over the top…
Did you expect this? There are several reasons why you shouldn’t bring him a proper greeting on your first date:
Fatal impression: you want to “buy” her
For the modern woman, it seems like you want to buy her affection with a gift on the first date, a kind of exchange for a relationship.
This puts the woman under extreme pressure during courtship, and all the romantic and relaxed flirtatious mood of her date disappears at once.
It’s too early for gifts
What she’ll feel additional pressure for She gets the impression that you expect a lot from her in the beginning, when you get to know each other.
Most women want us men when looking for a partner, for the first date to be nothing more than a non-committal poke around to see if one is on the same wavelength.
A first date gift is pretty intrusive: it sounds like you want to get serious with her right away — and best of all, make the engagement clear, even if you haven’t really met yet.
This is especially true if you’ve only written to each other while online dating.
Signs of low self-esteem
A good friend of mine once said with full conviction in an interview:
“ Why bring a gift on the first date? I myself am the present because I give my presence to the woman! “
With insecure men, the way they think about flirting is just the opposite: they believe they can’t charm the lady with their personality to get a relationship.
That’s why they try to win the hearts of those they love with expensive gifts – but it backfires quickly.
You don’t know exactly what she likes
Also, you don’t know them well enough to know about their tastes and preferences. Your gift ideas can be very impersonal and boring (keyword: flowers and chocolates).
Or you are completely wrong as a man with the gently intended attention in courtship.
Imagine taking your homemade nut muffins with you to the meeting, even though she’s allergic to nuts… a real mistake!
Flowers are really impractical
In addition, individual roses or entire bouquets of flowers are not only terribly awkward but also impractical to meet as a gift.
Even though we men in love sometimes have a hard time empathizing:
It’s very annoying for women to have to carry flowers all the time, after all, you can’t keep botanical souvenirs just in your purse.
Also, everyone knows that you are on a date when a bright red rose is scattered as an involuntary “decoy” on the white tablecloth in the restaurant or cafe.
This indiscretion is very embarrassing in courtship, so you should spare your loved one from this.
Pay the bill at the cafe?
If, as a man, you want to make her happy on the first date, the most you can do is take care of the account, but here, too, there are some things that literally need to be treated with caution.
I already wrote an article about who should pick up the tab on the date.
Second date: a gift is allowed
If you meet the woman again, you can give her something as a gift, she will be happy to get some attention while flirting.
Why are we men “allowed” to do this when looking for a partner?
It’s simple: you already know each other and obviously get along well, otherwise, you wouldn’t meet on a second date, would you? A small gift expresses mutual appreciation and solidarity.
So you can symbolically underline that you like them and want to get to know them better as far as a relationship is concerned.
What should you bring on the second date?
Also here, do without the typical “female gifts”, such as perfumes, flowers, or chocolates.
… also seems very unimaginative and impersonal in dating. Simply because every man does it – for any occasion, be it a birthday, a company party, or an invite to a house party.
Choose creative and personal gifts
In Brazil, a small souvenir is not called a “souvenir” for nothing. We men must take this seriously when looking for a partner if we want to make a good impression.
Let the word “souvenir” melt on your tongue: it means that you “carefully” listened to the conversation on the first date and now you know exactly what the woman likes.
You also found out in flirting what interests you have in common, which may later be important for a relationship.
So, you should also give her a gift: bring her something that has to do with her special preferences and hobbies.
For example, do you like to relax with a good book and smell candles? Then give her three or four scented lamps that you’ve packed very nicely.
Or did she tell you when you first met and dated that she likes dolphins? So you bring her this cute keychain with the cute marine mammal hanging from it.
Also, as a thoughtful man, you can give her a small lucky charm, for example, a four-leaf clover that you discovered on the way to the date (instead of flowers).
But funny ideas are fine too, as long as they aren’t lewd and tasteless.
No large and bulky items
As I said before: there is hardly anything more uncomfortable for a woman than having to drag a gift around all the time on a date.
Also, everyone in the cafe or on the street can see that you lovebirds are dating… very embarrassing when everyone sees you flirting!
Therefore, only give away “discreet” things that are so large that they can be conveniently tucked away in a handbag or jacket pocket.
So don’t bring a record to the date, even if you like to listen to ’70s rock.
You should also keep the large wall calendar, as the motifs on it can still be just as beautiful.
To stick with these examples: How about a cassette tape of your favorite songs as a little gift? Or a small pocket calendar by your favorite painter? This can be done later!
Avoid “romantic” gifts!
Of course, as a man you are fire and flame to this woman, on the other hand, she wants to get to know you better. But is she already so far gone that she dreams of having a relationship with you when looking for a partner?
On your second date, don’t bring gifts that send a clear signal in the direction of your (possible) partnership.
That means no scarves with your first two names embroidered on them. No stuffed hearts, and certainly no engagement rings. This all seems rather obtrusive at the meeting.
What should the value of the gift be?
From what I’ve said so far, it should be clear to you: The second date gift is not about the material value, but about the symbolic gesture, attention, and familiarity that we men express.
The woman must have a good impression of you through your memory. She should feel that you understand her, that you empathize with her, and that you are ready to meet her needs later in a relationship.
Expensive gifts are clearly out of place during courtship, because then your loved one has an unpleasant feeling that he owes you something.
Therefore, your gift should not be expensive, but just a few dollars.
Distribute your own creations and works
Women love men who act! When looking for a partner, it’s even better if you don’t buy a gift for the date, but be creative and do something magical.
For example, your own spice mix or teas from Grandma’s secret recipes will make the taste buds on your tongue explode.
Or are you technically gifted as a man? So you do something decorative or useful … and not, please, no pictures of shop windows like in kindergarten, but something masculine!
Bring with you what is personally important to you.
Of course, it’s best when you give her little things that you already have around the house that express something you have in common when you first meet. An “insider” relationship, so to speak.
In an interview at the last meeting, for example, did she say that she likes to spend her holidays in a certain country, just like you?
Afterward, you can bring her a memento like a little gift you still have from your last trip – and get you both in a positive holiday mood right away!
In this way, the gift at the meeting becomes a symbol of your mutual trust and sends positive signals to the relationship!