Everyone has heard the saying: opposites attract. But it is also often said: What couples should look like. Two wise pieces of wisdom obviously contradict each other. But which of the two is correct? This a fair question – and a reason to look for answers in this article.
Opposite couples: stories that life writes
Almost everyone has discussed this topic at some point or thought about it in secret: Do opposites really attract? Or do you finally have to come to the realization that people like to get together with others that look alike? In everyday life, at least, we often observe couples who couldn’t be more equal.
You may also know some examples of unequal couples:
- The pimply nerd strolls through town hand in hand with the long-legged blonde beauty.
- The quiet, withdrawn thinker marries the extroverted chatterbox.
- The smart manager with an exorbitant annual salary meets one of his former employees.
Hollywood has also elevated the motto “opposites attract” to the principle of its films. Who doesn’t know famous couples like Romeo and Juliet or Beauty and the Beast? Not forgetting the modern fairy tale of “Pretty Woman”, which really made film history.
When choosing a partner, the following applies: Being different is simply exciting and different!
Why does Hollywood love stage contrasts so much? Probably because uniformity is extremely boring. A “beautiful woman” and a prostitute next to the businessman? Sometimes among us praying sisters: This definitely would not have been a blockbuster!
Here we get to the heart of the matter: we often find people who are different from us to be extremely exciting. Even if we don’t like them or are annoyed or surprised by them: one way or another, they pique our interest.
In love – that is, in flirting and partnership – it is no different. When choosing a partner, we look for a suitable counterpart that differs from us in some characteristics, for two different reasons.
1. They complement each other – and make up for the flaws
Many men and women believe they need a partner who can make up for their deficits. The cluttered and distracted professor then looks for a woman who will organize his files and fold his shirts neatly. The silent loner is attracted to the talkative, powerful woman. And we also know this: the penniless student takes the rich lawyer who guarantees his support.
2. True Enrichment: Receiving a “Gift”
But there is also a “healthier” form of opposite love: namely, relationships in which both are already satisfied with themselves. So, men or women are not looking for a partner who can compensate for their own peculiarities, but rather to find a real enrichment – as a “bonus” on top of their already full and satisfying life. An important difference!
These opposites attract because the partner can kidnap the other into a whole new world. The student with the Asian friend is traveling to China for the first time and has an exciting experience getting to know the country and its people. The shy woman with a fear of dogs meets her new friend’s dachshund and becomes a dog lover. The couch potato and computer freak fall in love with the agile sports fanatic and suddenly discovers that tennis is his big passion.
Looks good? Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work – as you’ll find out in the next part of the article!
Differences – the “ticking time bombs” for the relationship
Back to popular Hollywood movies. What is so exciting for the viewer has a huge drawback: the movies are worth watching because at some point the screen pairs start to argue.
Many of us have experienced these things, which happen in the movie when choosing a partner: Initial stormy love can be quickly followed by disenchantment. Qualities that were very different when they first got to know each other quickly became an ordeal for couples in later years.
“Like fire and water” – also a saying that is true
We know enough examples: The silent and reserved stamp collector is irritated at some point by amusing chatter. After three years, the sensitive and harmonious beauty has had enough of the antics of her cruel macho friend. And the young insurer soon wonders if the financially sound senior director can offer her more than just a full bank account.
The unusual partnership can only make you happy in the long run if opposites continue to be perceived as enriching rather than disruptive. Or, when both approach each other, compromises are found, and, to a certain extent, contradictions are reduced.
Together instead of alone: this is how the relationship remains successful
At the same time, the similarities become more important the longer the relationship lasts. No partnership can exist solely on differences, however attractive they may be. For us to stay together, it is important that the partner pursues the same goals in life, values, and interests – because something like that merges!
A conservative family man who is loyal to his partner and wants children of his own will struggle with an adventuress who does bad things in other people’s beds and slips from one affair to the next.
The soup parable or the taste of a happy relationship
What makes a successful partnership is a healthy mix of similarities and differences. The latter is the healthy seasonings that the soup needs so as not to be too tasty. However, this soup should not be overly salted, otherwise, the piquant and pleasant taste will turn into a drink with a bad aftertaste.
Similarities or opposites – what counts in flirting?
But what does this mean in concrete terms for the search for a partner? First of all, you should keep in mind that similarities build trust – especially when you get to know each other. From the first moment of your meeting, the woman should have the feeling that the two of you are basically on the same page.
A goth bride quickly flees when approached by a cool hip-hop gangster on the street or at the club. Athletes, sports stars, and fitness teachers – such an ordinary world can be happy together, by the way, not only in the initial contact but also in a later relationship.
Social settings, hobbies, similar topics, and interests that you encounter in the first conversation or meeting have something strongly connecting them.
Don’t play a role, just stay yourself
Even so, you shouldn’t try to talk to her while flirting or bend over backward to simulate what they have in common. Don’t pretend to be a cool hip-hopper even if you hate the style because you think you’re going to use it to pick up the hot woman at the club!
With this type of scam, you are not authentic, but only play a role and therefore deny yourself. The woman will also notice after a short period (permanent relationship at the latest) that you faked it – and will shoot you to the moon soon enough.
Instead, present yourself with an authentic personality and seek contact early on with those women who fit your prey scheme. If you’re honest and exude a fascinating masculine personality, the hearts of the right women will fly to you.
Be a guy with tastes!
It also means that you always show a clear attitude, even at the risk of offending one topic or another. Many men avoid opposing opinions by flirting, making nasty comments, or saying no to a woman for fear of scaring her off.
It’s just the opposite: women hate guys who keep talking to them just because they hope to end up in bed with them. If, on the other hand, you show her that you are prepared to take risks, no matter what she thinks, that shows a lot of courage, independence, and self-confidence. And those are exactly the traits girls love!