When you’re in a relationship, it’s natural to hope that your partner genuinely cares about you. However, sometimes people have hidden motives, and it’s important to recognize the signs early. If you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, here are 15 clear signs he’s just using you. Don’t ignore number 7—it’s often the biggest red flag.
1. He Only Contacts You When He Needs Something
If he only calls or texts when he wants a favor, money, or emotional support but disappears when you need him, that’s a major red flag. Genuine relationships are based on mutual support, not one-sided convenience.
2. He Avoids Defining the Relationship
When a guy is serious about you, he won’t hesitate to define the relationship. If he constantly dodges “the talk” or keeps things vague, he might be using you to fill a temporary gap.
3. His Effort is Minimal
Relationships require effort from both parties. If you’re always the one planning dates, initiating conversations, or making compromises while he puts in little to no effort, he’s likely not invested emotionally.
4. He Disappears for Days Without Explanation
Communication is key in any healthy relationship. If he frequently goes MIA without a reasonable explanation and reappears as if nothing happened, it’s a sign he may not value your feelings.
5. He Doesn’t Introduce You to His Friends or Family
When someone cares about you, they want to integrate you into their life. If he keeps you a secret from his friends and family, it could mean he’s not serious about the relationship.
6. Everything is on His Terms
Does he always decide when and where you meet? If the relationship revolves around his schedule, interests, and needs, he’s likely using you to suit his convenience.
7. He Avoids Emotional Intimacy (Don’t Ignore This!)
This is a critical sign many overlook. If he shuts down whenever you try to have deep, meaningful conversations or dismisses your feelings, he’s keeping an emotional distance. This often indicates he’s not genuinely invested in the relationship.
8. He’s Financially Dependent on You
While supporting each other in tough times is part of a healthy relationship, consistently relying on you for money without reciprocating or showing gratitude is a sign he might be using you.
9. He Flirts with Other Women
If he openly flirts with other women or keeps you guessing about where you stand, he’s not respecting you or the relationship. This behavior often signals that he’s keeping his options open.
10. Your Gut Tells You Something is Off
Sometimes, your intuition picks up on red flags before your mind does. If you constantly feel uneasy or suspect something isn’t right, trust your instincts. They’re often more accurate than you think.
11. He Rarely Makes Time for You
A man who values you will prioritize spending time with you. If he always has excuses for why he can’t see you but manages to find time for everything else, he’s likely not committed.
12. He Makes You Feel Guilty for Having Expectations
Healthy relationships involve mutual respect and understanding. If he makes you feel guilty for expressing your needs or having expectations, it’s a manipulative tactic to keep you from realizing your worth.
13. He Doesn’t Support Your Goals or Ambitions
A partner who truly cares will encourage your growth and celebrate your achievements. If he dismisses your dreams or belittles your goals, he’s not interested in your personal development—only in what you can offer him.
14. He’s Inconsistent with His Words and Actions
If his actions rarely match his words, that’s a red flag. Saying he cares but never showing it through consistent, supportive behavior is a clear sign he’s not genuinely invested.
15. You Feel More Drained Than Happy
Relationships should bring joy and fulfillment. If you constantly feel emotionally drained, anxious, or insecure around him, it’s time to evaluate whether he’s adding value to your life or just taking from it.
Final Thoughts
Recognizing these signs can be painful, especially if you’re emotionally attached. However, understanding when someone is using you is the first step towards reclaiming your self-worth. Don’t ignore the red flags—especially number 7. You deserve a relationship where love, respect, and support are mutual. Trust yourself, set boundaries, and never settle for less than you deserve.