10 stages of grief after a breakup
There can be a lot of pain after a breakup. Whether it’s because you had different wants and needs in the relationship or because you cheated, getting over a breakup can be difficult. Sometimes you want to hold on to the relationship or try to save something that no longer exists. Here are 10 stages of grief and how to overcome each one.
1. Shock after a breakup
The first stage in the grieving timeline after a breakup is “shock”. Sometimes the dumper comes out of nowhere with a breakup proposal and you don’t know how to take it. Maybe you guys had one of your normal arguments, and therefore when your ex decides to break up with you, you feel completely off guard and confused. You weren’t expecting things to explode and you thought you’d get a chance to talk about it. It is normal to be a little surprised by the situation. The breakup may even seem unreal. You can even call your ex the next day and act like everything is fine because you really don’t think you guys broke up the night before. You can get through this first stage just by sitting down and taking time to think about what happened. Do not do anything irrational, Like breaking your ex’s car windows or something. Just think things over a bit, try to relax, and assess the situation. Find out where the wrong turn occurred that would make your partner want to break up.
In the second stage of grief, you are probably dealing with denial. You can’t believe that the dumper would actually end things or that if the cheating had something to do with the demise of your relationship, you can’t believe they cheated on you. You may feel like you can’t live without your ex and life starts to look a bit bleak. You are rejecting the reality that things are over so that there is hope to repair things. To get through the denial of the pain stage, you will have to accept that your relationship with your ex is over. You have to take some time for yourself and make sure you work on your self-esteem. Don’t go begging your ex to come back. Try writing in a journal about what happened and how you felt about it. You may seek the support of friends and family to help you understand the breakup.
One of the other stages of grief is guilt. After the dumper has done its job by ending the relationship or cheating was involved, you may feel like something is wrong with you. You may even feel like the breakup was solely your fault and it can hurt. You don’t have to feel guilty about the breakup. To get over the pain, you need to understand that yes, you did play a role in the breakup, but that it wasn’t your fault. Sometimes people just don’t work out, so try not to punish yourself for breaking up.
4. Stages of despair
Despair is one of the early stages of grief that people typically experience after a breakup. Some people resort to going back to the dumper and begging them to get back into the relationship. Because boys are usually the ones who cheat, the girl should beg him to come back to her. She may constantly call him after the breakup, check his social media, or send him long, heartfelt text messages about missing him and how sorry he is for whatever it is that she thinks he did. Or you may be calling just to find out what you did wrong to make the breakup happen. Despair is a sign of insecurities that one has within himself. To get through the despair stage, it is best to spend your time working on yourself and practicing self-care. Maybe go to the spa, dye your hair or maybe buy new clothes. Better to start feeling more self-confident and understand that you don’t need men to make you happy.
The fifth stage of the grieving chronology is negotiation. This is when you refuse to believe that the breakup is real, so you will do anything to keep the relationship going. If you were a jealous person in the relationship, you will affirm that you will never be jealous again. Most likely, you will say a lot of things that you don’t really mean to attract this person. Although all you want to do is erase the breakup, sadly at this point, it’s over. To overcome this stage, you must again work on your self-confidence. Practice self-love and spend some time alone and enjoy your own company. Also, try picking up some new hobbies to keep yourself busy.
6. Insulation after a breakup
The sixth stage in the timeline of grief is creating isolation. You can get depressed and stop hanging out with everyone, even missing a couple of days from work. You may start to believe that you will never live without your ex. You will be in a dark place, you will feel sad about the breakup, and you will keep trying to understand why it had to end and where things turned out. As you do all this, you continue to exclude others, and even if you leave home, you are completely distant and your mind is elsewhere. To get through this stage, you must realize that you were alive before this person and you will live well without them. Try to be around friends and family who make you happy. If necessary, you may spend a couple of nights at a close friend or relative’s house to make it difficult for you to slip into a depressed state.
7. Stages of anger
One of the last stages of grief is anger. Basically, a breakup is an emotional roller coaster. After feeling sad and hopeless, you are angry and upset that this person thought they could break up with you or cheated on you. Or you could even be mad at yourself for feeling sad about the breakup or even having a relationship with your ex in the first place. You will feel so much hatred for your ex for breaking your heart and making you cry. You may also feel the urge to flatten your ex’s tires or smash your car windows. It will be hard for you not to get mad or angry if someone even says your ex’s name. To get through the anger stage, you must first understand that acting on those urges to smash windows and flatten tires can get you in serious trouble. It is best not to act on any of your impulses while you are angry. Just take some time to cool off. Exercise can help release tension and anger from your body. Even the simple act of journaling can help release some of your anger simply by writing down your thoughts.
8. Relapse after a breakup
After trying to hide your sad feelings with the comfort of anger, the sadness may return. Perhaps you were using anger as a defense mechanism because being sad makes you feel weak and powerless. Now all your defenses are falling and you are starting to see pain again. Maybe you will cry for your ex again every night, missing them and remembering all the happy moments in your relationship. You may even wonder again why things had to end and start returning to the denial stage of not believing that the two of you broke up. You might also feel guilty again and think that if you hadn’t been so jealous all the time, things would have turned out better. So, you may even be mad at your ex again. To overcome the relapse stage, you will have to keep doing the things you were doing before. Write in your journal how you feel right now. Hang out with friends and family and pick up a new hobby that will keep you busy. Try exercising when you get mad at your ex. Just keep doing things that worked in the past.
9. Acceptance after a breakup
One of the most important stages of grief is acceptance. This stage is the most liberating. You have finally accepted that you and your ex are over. You will start to have a more positive outlook on life and may even feel silly to be so sad about the breakup. Understand that there will be a time when you feel sad again, but that is normal and there is nothing to worry about.
10. Moving on
The last and final stage of the duel chronology is advancing. After all the weird emotions and finally accepting the breakup, you will be in a happier place. You have a stronger sense of self-confidence and self-love. You may be starting a happier, healthier relationship with someone who is so much better for you. Those sad moments that you used to have for your ex may not have completely subsided, but you are enjoying life again.
Final words for the stages after a breakup
As I mentioned earlier, you may be in a relationship with your ex again, but at this point during the breakup, you need to focus on yourself. No one, male or female, will want to come back with an emotional mess. Now, chances are you don’t experience all of these stages of grief or you may experience all of them. You can also go back and forth between two or three stages before you can finally continue. And even then, it can go back to the relapse stage. That is fine too. Breakups take time to recover, so go at your own pace. Don’t blame yourself for continuing to miss your ex a few months after a breakup or even years later if you don’t get back together.