So your ex wants to be friends …
It’s tempting to stay friends with your ex. Going from being in a relationship to having no contact is difficult, and you may think that being friends with your ex is going to help. Well, that’s not necessarily true. The bad parts outweigh the benefits when it comes to being friends with your ex. Here are nine reasons to just say no when the “let’s be friends” conversation comes up.
What are the motivations?
Why does your ex want to be friends? Is it about the emotional connection you once shared that is hard to break? Is it because of the possibility of a relationship of friends with benefits in the future? Does your boyfriend, girlfriend, ex-husband, or ex-wife really just want to ensure that you stay in touch with them? Or maybe to keep things open in case he or she wants a little adventure on the side, a roll in the sheets with an old love? The point is, there is probably some kind of motivation for your ex to want to be friends. It could be as harmless as actually loving your company, even if you are no longer in a relationship. But in the long run, it could also be detrimental to both of you, especially once you both start dating again. Before saying “yes” when your ex asks you to be friends,
You broke up for a reason!
Think about it: you didn’t break up for no reason. You and your ex are exes because of some problem you had in your relationship. Did any of you have an affair? Was there a clash in your personalities? Was it just not working? The reasons you broke up are the same reasons you shouldn’t be friends with your ex-boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife! There may be an exception to this rule: did you break up because you were friends before and do you think you would be better off as friends? So, okay, maybe you can handle being friends with your ex. But that would be the only reason! Just remember, when your ex asks if you want to be friends, think about why you broke up in the first place. Will, what went wrong in your relationship affect your friendship? So you know that the answer to the friends’ question is no.
It’s hard to go from “In a relationship” to “Just friends.”
There are many things that fly in a relationship that definitely don’t fly when you’re friends. For example, physical contact may be limited to an occasional hug when they are friends. It can be awkward finding the new dynamic in your relationship when you’re not dating anymore, especially if you didn’t really start out as a friend. When you are in a relationship with someone, there is also a great emotional and physical dependency that does not translate well to just being friends. You may be used to your ex is the person you go to with everything, but that doesn’t always work when you’re done. What if you start dating other people? How would your ex’s new girlfriend or boyfriend feel calling at three in the morning to talk because you can’t sleep? The dynamic is totally different between friends rather than being in a romantic relationship and the difficulties in making that transition are not worth the benefits of being friends with your ex.
Why be tempted?
Your ex might have his own motivations for wanting to be friends, but what are his motivations for saying yes? Why might they decide to be friends when he or she asks? If the answer is because you may want to get back together, it’s time to run to the other side. Remember: you broke up for a reason. Even if it wasn’t mutual and you still want to be with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, try to avoid the temptation. Think about why you want to get back together, and then think of all the reasons it didn’t work out the first time. What makes you think that this time it will be different? It’s better to let go of your ex instead of hoping they want to get back together too. If they don’t want to get back together, you’re torturing yourself by being friends and watching them start moving on. If they do, then maybe you can try it,
You can’t get over it if you spend time with him!
If you have no desire to get back together with your ex, you should definitely not be friends with them. Spending so much time with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend will only keep them in mind for longer than necessary. How are you supposed to get over them when you can’t get away from them? Again, remember why you broke up. Stay strong! If you want to move on, then you really need to move on. It would definitely be easier to stay close, but you would only use your ex as a crutch and that has no benefits for either of you. Distancing yourself from your ex is the only way you can really get over them, and being friends is the opposite of distancing yourself.
Don’t be a placeholder
it’s about something else that comes with being in a relationship: the emotional connection. If your ex wants to be friends, you probably want someone to be emotionally connected until you meet your future husband or wife. This means that you are basically playing the role of girlfriend or boyfriend without the benefits of a real relationship. Don’t let yourself become the placeholder! If your ex needs someone to talk to, they probably already have friends they can turn to. Staying friends after you’ve broken up is a way to draw the old relationship out of all that deep, emotional connection you’ve already made. For your own protection, it’s best to say no when your ex asks to be friends, especially if it seems like you want to take advantage of the connection you once shared.
It’s not good for you!
It is better to surround yourself with people who make you happy and help you be your best. Can your ex really do that? Can you go beyond the pain you felt when you broke up and let yourself be friends with someone who betrayed you? It’s not worth the mental exhaustion that you would have to go through to remain friends with your ex. Even if you ended your relationship amicably, that doesn’t mean you would have a healthy friendship. The relationship still ended, regardless of the reasons. Moving beyond that isn’t easy for your brain to handle, and it’s even harder when you’re supposed to trust your ex as a friend. Also, think about the stress it could have on hearing new dating prospects. Even if you are totally above your ex, do you want to know about your new partner? Or worse, Do you want to be there when they become husband and wife? Save your brain the stress and skip the friends-only stage.
It will be harder to find a date with your ex hanging around!
So you have accepted that you are truly broken and are ready to go out again. You got on a date with an amazing person and things are going great until he or she gets fed up with your ex always dating you and ditching you for it. Think about how a boy or girl introduces themselves to your friend, who is also your ex. All those things you think about when you see your ex, like you’ve seen yourself naked, go through your new boyfriend or girlfriend’s head when they’re introduced. How uncomfortable is that? Plus, it’s easy for a new date to feel threatened by an old flame, especially if it’s a long relationship. If you and your ex are so close, what is keeping you from leaving the new person and getting back with your ex? If you want to go ahead and date someone new, keep your ex out of the picture.
Should we still be friends?
These are just nine of the many reasons why you shouldn’t remain friends with your ex. In some circumstances, it may work, but being friends with your ex is likely to lead to heartbreak, not a fun affair. When your ex gets in touch with that “let’s be friends” text, it’s probably for the best that you easily let him down, and finally, say no.