Healthy relationships don’t just happen to us, we choose them. Detachment in love is really possible. It’s not about letting go of anything. But rather to change our expectations about what we want from the relationship.
Detachment in a relationship is probably the most real type of love.
Relationships captivate our dark side and underscore the work we need to do to overcome the wounds of our childhood, no matter our level of spiritual development.
Living unattached in love is all about being indifferent to predetermined expectations or end results that many use to judge whether a relationship is successful.
It would seem that there is a pattern of relationships that we should all follow. We meet, we kiss, we chat, we spend more time together. We say I love you to each other, we meet our respective families, we move in and of course, we will probably end up in a civil partnership or married.
But it’s not a loving attachment, it’s more of a limited plan.
To work towards loving detachment, if this is what we want to do, we must first work on ourselves and our triggers.
As humans, we usually have bad times with difficulty solving them and undefined or indescribable situations. Many people want to know exactly where they stand and what kind of situation they are in so that they can then follow the corresponding comforting rules.
Yet we limit the type of love we engage in.
Loving in an unattached relationship doesn’t mean we don’t care what the other person is doing. It means we love her enough to let the relationship speak for itself.
When we can change our expectations, our experiences can change.
If we enter into a new relationship with someone without idealized expectations of what they might become. We give it the opportunity to develop organically. Instead of forcing her inside the predetermined limits we use to define love.
Detachment in a relationship means you love the person for who they are and not because you expect the person to love you back.
And it also means that you want to enjoy everything you can with your partner as much as possible because there is no guarantee that these opportunities will always be there.
The detachment in a relationship is purely the ability to love someone freely. Both people can come and go as they please. Without ever feeling like there is an expectation for a specific set of behaviors.
To really love someone that way.
We need to sit down with our hurts, our fear of abandonment, rejection, and everything that has conditioned us since birth, regarding expectations in a relationship.
Once we can do this work for us, it doesn’t end abruptly. But it becomes easier to navigate without attachment as we understand that our feelings are not related to the other person, but to us.
In the absence of attachment, we don’t let go of the other person, nor do we completely let go of all expectations.
The in a relationship simply means that we choose to love consciously.
We introduce ourselves to each other when we can. For the times when we cannot show ourselves, we are happy individually.
When we can approach love as an offering, whether the loved one accepts it or not, we fall into the essence of what it really means to care for the other, regardless of our own needs and wants.
Detachment in love means recognizing our feelings for another person. It doesn’t matter the action, the choice or the result. This is probably the most real type of love.