Put Him In His Place
A man wants to chase.
From the deeper roots of male biology arises a dating dilemma that is more relevant today than ever.
How do you challenge a man to make sure he sees you as a prize?
Responses flood forums and dating articles, both of which lead the reader to a similar conclusion.
“You can’t be too easy. Make him work hard to win you over.”
The Thrill Of The Pursuit. The Value of the Challenge. The Lack of What We Cannot Have.
It is ingrained in the deepest parts of the human psyche, an evolutionary response to millions of years of competition with other species for survival.
Our brains learned if the world presented us with an opportunity that seemed too good to be true, chances were one day it would, too good to be true.
As superficial and regretful as it may seem, our patterns long encoded in the brain must be considered in the way we date.
To attract men of high caliber, you will have to challenge them.
But that’s where we hit a fork in the road.
Traditional dating advice will tell you to play hard, act disinterested.
Be mean and keep them kissing your feet.
And you know what’s interesting?
For a little while.
Like a monkey that learns it can press a button, men and women learn that playing hard to get has a reaction.
Then something happens.
They realize that you can’t keep falsehood forever.
When do you stop playing hard to get?
How can you keep acting uninterested in someone you care about?
What kind of relationship do you form when you’re mean to him?
When that facade eventually crumbles, something else happens.
He discovers that you are not the high-value woman he thought you were.
Within a few months, his attraction wears off, and you’re left wondering if you haven’t ‘played’ right.
Fortunately, There Is An Alternative.
While being challenging is essential to a great dating life, playing hard to get as a way to get there is not.
There is another way.
Being “naturally challenging is the real, authentic and infinitely more powerful way to show yourself as a woman of high value, without having to fake anything.
It’s not difficult to play.
You don’t have to act disinterested.
Don’t treat men you like like you don’t like them.
Being hard to come by, developing yourself as a naturally challenging woman, not only shows your worth to would-be men in the most powerful way possible, it is also action-free, which means it will keep the men you want to pursue and work for. conquer you–for life.
Here’s How To Become A Naturally Challenging Woman Who Will Never Have To Worry About Playing Hard Again.
1. Being Naturally Challenging Is Keeping Healthy Priorities
If there’s one concept that sums up the difference between manipulating rough play and the healthy habit of being naturally challenging, it’s this.
Have and maintain healthy priorities.
In dating, it’s easy for our instincts to lead us astray.
The new novel’s dopaminergic response tells us that the night you planned with the girls really wasn’t all that important.
It’s a good idea to keep checking your phone in case it texts you, even when you’re at work.
Which is not so bad that you already see him 4 nights a week and have missed yoga 3 times.
Most people meet a new love, and within a few weeks, they’ve made that stranger one of their highest priorities in their life, above friends, family, fitness, and even career.
These actions are talking about biology and are not designed to create a healthy, long-term partnership.
By taking the time to allow a man to prove himself as worthy of a place as he is a high priority in your life, you become naturally defiant without ever having to feign disinterest.
Once there, he feels safe and validated in the work he’s done to win her over.
2. Being Naturally Challenging Is Valuing Your Uniqueness
Fact: The average woman has more dating options than the average man.
Despite this clear dating synopsis, something strange happens to many women who date.
They tend to underestimate this gift of dating abundance, carelessly tossing it to men who refuse to do the same in return.
The freedom to meet people and the opportunity to explore options are of primary value when looking for ‘the one’.
The naturally defiant woman understands that the promise of her loyalty and exclusivity is among the most valuable offerings she has, treating and protecting her as such.
She doesn’t give it away easily or promise to men who don’t promise the same in return.
Most of all, she doesn’t feel guilty about taking advantage of it and enjoying multiple dates, because she knows it’s well within her rights to do so.
The naturally defiant woman values her freedom and values the gift of her exclusivity.
She knows that when she gives that exclusivity to a man, it might be the last time in her life that she does and takes the decision seriously.
3. Being Naturally Challenging Is Genuine And Honest
I have yet to meet anyone who likes the deception of modern dating.
Being naturally defiant means that you act congruently with your genuine self.
You’ll never have to worry if you’re showing too much interest.
You can treat the guy you like according to your feelings, without holding back or worrying if you’re doing the right thing.
With weight taken off your back.
4. Being Naturally Challenging Works Long Term
Playing hard to get and acting selflessly are ‘strategies’.
Strategies – doing something outside the norm – can only be applied for a limited time, until you inevitably lose focus and return to what is natural.
Showing disinterest in someone you care about and playing hard to win are unnatural responses that can’t be sustained.
Being naturally challenging works in the long run because it’s part of who you are, a natural way of life.
Being naturally challenging is about applying high standards (instead of just talking about it)
I have yet to meet anyone, male or female, who openly admits to having low standards.
However, I encounter people every day who prioritize strangers they know little over people and activities that have stood the test of time.
Setting low standards is having a low benchmark for what you accept in your life.
When your actions show that you are quickly sold to a man and put him at the top of the priority list, low standards become the underlying communication.
The high-value woman is open and loving, but she also knows that getting to know someone on a deeper level takes time.
She balances openness and hope with a sense of pragmatism about the relationship.
Just because things are going in the right direction after 3 weeks doesn’t necessarily mean they will be after 3 months or 3 years.
She waits and sees.
As time passes and she gets more information about who he is as a person in various situations and environments, slow but surely deeper levels of his patterns are passed, and she progressively prioritizes him in her life.
5. Being Naturally Challenging Is Still Possible
They say men want what they can’t have.
Is not true.
Most men want a Victoria’s Secret model but don’t go out of their way to get one.
The truth is, men want what they can get, but that’s hard.
Being naturally defiant doesn’t mean becoming a woman so invested in your other priorities that you’re unattainable.
If you declare how “fiercely independent” you are and how “you don’t need a man for anything”, you cross a line, where you become so defiant that men don’t even try.
6. Being Naturally Challenging Is Never Being Totally Sold To A Man
The naturally defiant woman knows that no matter how committed the couple is, there are still ways to lose her.
This may sound strange, but it’s key to lasting attraction.
The man should feel that if anything happened, she would always have the strength and certainty to leave if he didn’t show her the respect and treatment she deserves.
Esther Perel often talks about the importance of space in maintaining long-term lovers’ desire.
The naturally defiant woman holds her relationship and loyalty in the highest regard, but never so high that it trumps her self-respect.
This creates healthy space even in the closest relationship, allowing space for continued pursuit and attraction.
Being Naturally Challenging Isn’t Something You ‘Do’. It’s A Way Of Life.
You can’t “fake” good dating and relationships.
Playing hard to get, trying to act and representing a woman of high value when you’re not one will never cut the mustard.
You’ll get the guys you want for a short time, then you’ll lose them again and think it’s because you’re not applying the ‘strategies’ correctly.
You can keep trying tricks to attract men or apply advice that will work for a lifetime.
Being naturally challenging is a way of life.
Good dating advice always comes back to self-improvement, and you can’t improve yourself without becoming naturally more challenging to men.
As you grow, your self- esteem increases, the effect diminishing.
Before you know it, you are the woman that men most seek to chase for a lifetime and you’ve never had to play the impossible-to-conquer.