For some of us, it is important that our parents approve of our boyfriend or husband.
If you are close to your family or just have a lot of respect for them, it may seem like an obligation for them to like their partner.
I love the fact that my mom and boyfriend get along well, and it was a total nightmare when my parents (rightly) didn’t approve of some of my earlier choices.
Some parents, like my parents, may make the dislike obvious.
Pretty obvious.
But sometimes you may notice that they are elusive or clumsy, even though they say they are fine with it.
And that can have major consequences.
“When your family members don’t want to accept invitations where their partner will be present, it’s because they feel uncomfortable with their partner and choose to stay away instead of staying with you and tolerating the partner,” says the expert. in New York relationship and author April Masini.
“Obviously, this dynamic swings both ways, but if your partner’s reaction to family members staying away is aggressive, then it’s likely that the partner is undermining the dynamic between you and your family.”
But whether it’s your partner’s fault or not, it’s really hard if your parents don’t approve.
It may seem like you have to choose between your family and your partner, which is not a fair position for you.
So you need to honestly assess the situation and set some clear boundaries on how it will affect you.
Because, ultimately, the decision is yours.
Be Honest With Yourself
First, you need to find out why they don’t like your boyfriend or husband.
When my parents didn’t like one of my ex-boyfriends, I knew they had good reasons for it – he just wasn’t a good guy.
But maybe they are exaggerating.
“If your family doesn’t want to see you two together, if they say they don’t like your partner or try to see you alone, there’s something wrong,” says Tina b. Tessina, also known as Dr. Novel, psychotherapist, and author of How to Be a Happy Couple: Working on Relationships Together.
“Maybe you have a negative family, or maybe it’s your partner who’s the problem. Take a step back and take an objective look at who your partner is for your family.”
If you take a look and see that they have a good reason to disapprove, you may need to question the relationship.
If you think they are being too harsh or unreasonable, you need to find a way to maintain your position without hurting your relationship with them.
Keep Your Limits
Your parents and your partner cannot get along and yet they are all incredibly important people in your life.
You need to keep to your limits.
You can’t let the fact that there are disagreements between them stop you from living your life.
So make it clear that you accept both sides’ point of view, but you don’t agree and you won’t allow it to affect how you relate to your partner or your parents.
It may be that your parents speak ill of your partner and vice versa, but in both cases it is not nice.
“A partner can manipulate you to see a family member differently, making critical comments or innuendo and harsh judgments,” advises relationship expert Melinda Carver.
“If your opinion of your family member changes through your partner’s manipulation, ask yourself if you are viewing this person through your partner’s judgment or yours.” Make sure you keep your head clear.
Ask for help
Finally, don’t be afraid to talk to the people involved to try to help her.
Saying, “I know you don’t like them, but I need you to help me at least finish this dinner in peace,” can be really effective.
And if there are clear behaviors that your family doesn’t like, ask your partner to refrain from them.
“If his family refuses to be around him and they have real reasons to be upset, then it’s not okay. For example, his behavior is problematic because he gets very drunk, makes derogatory comments about people, flirts with other women, etc.,” she says.
You can tell your partner that you need their help to make these social events run smoothly and help ease tension.
If he really cares about you, he must be willing to make your life easier.
If your parents don’t approve of your partner, whether it’s his fault or not, it can make your life really complicated.
Try to deal with it by remembering that this is your life; so keep your boundaries where you need them.
And never be afraid to ask for help.