Relationships have a lot to do with commitment, but that doesn’t mean you should commit to everything.
We all need non-negotiables in relationships.
We’ve always heard that in a healthy relationship you need to compromise. I really believe that myself.
What are non-negotiables?
These are the most important factors for you.
The things you don’t want to change.
We all have several of these things.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having things you can’t accept change at all.
Why do we need non-negotiables in relationships?
When you ignore your non-negotiables for the sake of comfort or to avoid fights or breakups, you’re getting yourself into bigger trouble.
You are creating tension and resentment.
Staying true to what really matters to you is not only better for relationships, but also for your own well-being.
Even if something non-negotiable is ignored it can lead to a big problem down the road.
We often think that we can get over it or move on because of the relationship.
When it comes to a non-negotiable, this is not the case.
Non-negotiables will always come back to haunt a relationship.
If you keep them in mind from the start, you’ll be happier and won’t waste time with someone who doesn’t want what you do.
The Importance of Non-Negotiables in Relationships
As I said, a lack of non-negotiables, or at least a failure to prioritize them, can trigger relationship strain.
We all have non-negotiables.
It could be you don’t want to be away from your family or you don’t want to have kids…
there will always be things we cannot change.
Continuing in a relationship, hoping that the other person will give in to these non-negotiables, is unfair to your partner and to you.
It also puts unnecessary pressure on your relationship.
If you want your relationship to work, vocalize what your priorities are and what you will never change for the sake of the other.
What Are Non-Negotiable Things in Relationships?
Now that you know why meeting and communicating are important, consider exactly what they are.
Non-negotiables are not things like I want a house with a porch and I will not settle for anything less.
Or I want a boyfriend who wears suits every day.
These may be the things you are looking for, but not crucial.
A non-negotiable might be not sharing the same religious beliefs or political ideals.
It could be having a partner who can’t show you love the way you need to.
Or maybe you spend a lot of time with your family, but your partner doesn’t accept it.
Are they things you need in your life or are they your core values?
Travel destinations and home decor options are negotiable.
The things that make you who you really are deep down shouldn’t be traded.
Sure, some couples are perfectly happy to combine their beliefs or positions, but if that’s not something you can bow to, you don’t have to.
What Are Your Non-Negotiables In Relationships?
Until a tough decision arises, it can be difficult to figure out which your non-negotiables are.
You may think you would do anything for your partner, but some things you cannot negotiate because they are too important to you.
And there’s no problem.
Many people say you need to put your partner first.
What you really need to do is put yourself first.
If you’re not happy with yourself, your choices, and your life, you can’t be happy in a relationship.
It is important to remember that your dreams, needs, and happiness do not depend on your relationship, but vice versa.
So what are your non-negotiables?
Here are some common problems that arise between couples.
They can lead you to a difficult decision.
Respect.
Respect is the aspect of every relationship (romantic or otherwise) that makes things work.
Without respect, a relationship doesn’t last.
While this should be non-negotiable for everyone, it can be difficult to demand respect from your partner.
You may be in a comfortable relationship, but oftentimes respect is lost and the two people just don’t notice.
If your partner ignores you, ignores your feelings or opinions, or is even rude at times, it’s time to decide if your relationship can be fixed or if you should move on.
Commitment.
Of course, some relationships are open and work.
But, if you’re someone who lives off monogamy and something you can’t and don’t want to give up, that’s non-negotiable.
If your partner can’t commit to you the way you need to commit to feeling fulfilled in your relationship, it might be time to say goodbye.
Passion.
Some people may find passion a bit silly.
Sure, it’s something that comes and goes over the years, but if passion is what you or your partner needs in a relationship and the other isn’t willing to reignite that spark, how do you resolve it?
You can communicate your feelings all you want, but when both partners can’t agree on how the relationship should work, you’ve reached a limit and you can’t move forward.
You have to decide if this non-negotiable is worth it.
Family.
Whether its parents, grandparents or potential children, our families are big parts of our lives.
If your partner doesn’t get along with your family or you don’t get along with theirs, you can hold your tongue a few times a year, but if there’s more than just a little tension at the family reunion on vacation, you can keep going. polite?
If you want kids and your partner doesn’t, are you going to wait for him to send you the idea even though you know he won’t?
Is the relationship worth it when you don’t get what you want?
Family is not the same as choosing where to order food or where to go on vacation.
Is this something you can change your mind about?
Finance.
Unfortunately, money is a big part of serious relationships.
Do you agree on how to spend and how to save?
Can your partner handle you doing more than him?
Can he handle you choosing a job for accomplishment over money?
It’s a shame that money plays such a big role in our lives, but it’s an undeniable fact and financial problems end many relationships.
Sharing your non-negotiables about finances regularly can keep both of you happy, but if you don’t agree, you can make a choice.
Future.
Plans don’t always work out as we’d hoped.
But having a general idea of your future helps you move forward.
You don’t need to plan your entire life, but sharing dreams and goals with your partner can be vital to your future together.
If what you want is to travel the world and your partner wants to settle down, discuss how this will work for both of you.
If you can’t come to an agreement, so be it.
Ignorance.
A big relationship killer is an ignorance.
In a relationship, you must always be willing to learn from each other and be open to each other’s positions and opinions.
Being with someone who is rigid about change and has a closed mind can lead to endless arguments.
A non-negotiable for many people is a partner with an open mind.
Conclusion
Of course, there are hundreds of things that can be non-negotiable in relationships, but focusing on yours and how to deal with them is your decision.